the past 2 weeks

October has been an interesting month for us. We've had some challenges as well as some wonderful things happen. First my stay in the hospital for monitoring, then Desmond's birth, next my recovery. Last week I came down with a stomach bug which luckily only lasted a day.

Then this past weekend I came down with a nasty fever. Ben took me to the after hours clinic and I was diagnosed with mastitis. I felt like I had been in a car accident, the aches and pains were almost unbearable. However,  I was so thankful to not have something contagious. Poor Ben had to take care of the whole family all by himself- he did an amazing job. Sadly we spent the last days of his paternity leave stuck in the house feeling pretty miserable.

Our plan to transition from having Ben home full time for 2 weeks was during the last week to have me take on more time with Malakai as I could based on Desmond's feeding demands. Unfortunately, that was interrupted by my being so sick I could barely get off the couch.

Thankfully the antibiotics kicked in quickly and after two days of a miserable fever, it broke last night and I felt like a human being again today. Just in time for Ben to go to work! My mom came over this morning to help which we had planned before my fever cleared. It was nice to have her help this morning to ease the transition. She stayed til nap and because I felt so much better I let her know that I'd be fine for the afternoon and she went home. I also had several friends offer to come over and help or pick up anything I needed which makes me feel really loved, thank you ladies! It was really nice to not need them and I'm hoping that this will be my only fight against mastitis as I've had a couple people tell me they've had it several times! I can't even imagine.

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Our boys are doing really well. Kai is still establishing some physical boundaries with Desmond. He hasn't quite grasped the difference between jumping on daddy and jumping on baby. He loves his little brother though and every morning asks "where's baby? find him? see him?" which I absolutely love.

Desmond it two weeks old today! He loves to eat which helps out with having mastitis. I think I actually came down with it though in part due to his sleeping well at night. He can sleep 2-4 hours at a time, which Kai didn't do so early. He is getting so chubby already and is increasing his wakeful hours during the day.

We still have people bringing meals, which is super nice with my being sick and transitioning to being home with the boys without help during the day. Kai gets a bit mischievous and seems to know that I'm less mobile while feeding Desmond. He'll open the fridge (the lock broke just before Des was born), mess with the tv buttons, or jump off the couch because he knows I can't stop him right away. I'll have to figure out just how to get him to be preoccupied during the frequent feedings as tv, toys, and snacks only go so far.

Thanks for all the inquiries and congrats! I appreciate all of you. Be back soon (with photos!).

a subtle mourning

There is a lot to be excited about here at my house. My husband and I are wrapping up the purchase of our new home, I'm taking on a lead volunteer role in the nursery at our church and Ben is going to be in the Easter drama, Malakai is learning so many new things including a hilariously adorable army crawl.

Yet, I'm grieving.

After trying over and over to continue breastfeeding, I finally had to stop. I've been exclusively pumping for 4 days now and my heart hurts.

Just a few days ago I was able to nurse Malakai if he was asleep {and sometimes if he was just groggy} without being bitten. Then he started to chomp every time, but I pushed through. I've read in books and on websites how babies will rarely self-wean before 10 months.

My baby is rare.

I tried everything. I don't feel defeated and I don't see this as giving up. I persevered through a lot of physical pain.

I'm hurting because I miss the bonding. Malakai latched perfectly from the moment he was born and I experienced very little soreness when we were getting used to nursing, so I thought that we'd made it through the hardest part and it would be the same for the following 10-12 months. I'm here to tell you that it doesn't always work out the way you think it will...and while I'm grieving, it's okay.

Today I held him close while giving him his bottle and cuddled up, stroking the soft skin of his round legs. I can still bond with my son, I just have to get used to how different it is.

I'm doing my best to get excited about the stage he's entering and all the things I get to teach him. He's been  doing this funny "call & response" thing when he calls out and if you copy him he'll keep going and just giggle with delight. I'm also teaching him to use a cup. I do plan on giving him breastmilk until about 12 months if my body lets me.

I just felt like I had to share about this for anyone out there in a similar dilemma, whether it be nursing or something else. Parenting can be difficult, and that's okay. The joys far outweigh the trials.

All too true

The term "it's funny because it's true" is an understatement. That little tooth is the bane of my existence currently and the three that have yet to appear are what's bothering him these days.


Malakai is teething, obviously, and he has just about every single symptom to go with it. When that single little tooth came in he barely flinched. His sleep was a little off, but then again he's never been one for consistency.


As I wrote about previously, he bites. I've pushed through to keep nursing even after he broke the skin with one very horrendous chomp.


I emailed Dr. A, his pediatrician for some advice. I told her I didn't want to exclusively pump or give up breast feeding and needed some tips on how to get both of us through this and she responded:

woes

In some ways this week has been fantastic and in others it's been..."craptastic" (obscure Late Night w/ Conan reference that maybe only my husband will appreciate).

The home buying process has been going surprisingly well. The sellers haven't responded to our repairs addendum formally, but have already fixed most of what we requested. Major surprise! Our funding is going well, the appraisal process should be done by the end of the week and then off to underwriting. Oddly enough, all these things started coming together more smoothly when I felt myself let go and let God watch over the process for us.

Malakai is developing by leaps and bounds! He's creeping across the floor and keeping me on my toes. He's also babbling a lot of new sounds and really developing a fun personality. I love making him laugh.

appointment update and then some

Went into the doc again today. I'm about 4cm dilated but down to 50% effaced. Apparently effacement can go back and forth...I had no idea about this!
We have one more appointment scheduled for July 15th and our due date is July 18th. After that my doc is on vacation. Today she offered the option of inducing labor next week if I don't go into labor naturally since she won't be here after that. She said she doesn't just offer this to everyone but that my cervix is very favorable and an induction would most likely go very well. However, there is a higher instance of emergency c-section with induction and we've been against any medications and interventions from the beginning. So- while it's tempting to set a date and avoid going overdue or seeing a different doc, we are sticking to our plan. I'm most in favor as I don't like the idea of being tied to a pitocin drip or any other needles & tubes during labor. We'll wait for nature to take it's course as long as baby is healthy. My doctor completely understood and I love that about her...I'm really hoping she will be able to deliver this baby.
Took a nap after the appointment since I woke up at 4am again this morning. Walked about a mile this afternoon and have been having some contractions but they are still inconsistent in their timing and intensity. I'm working on patience.
We have a breast-feeding class tonight that we missed last month because we were at L&D for fear of pre-term labor (oh the irony) but we're skipping it. I feel like a bad "student" but I'm so not in the mood to sit around a room at the hospital with a bunch of strangers and learn about breasts. I have books and friends and think that should be the support we'll need. Plus Ben's best friend's bday get-together is tonight and I'd much rather hang out with friends before that becomes a distant memory.
Speaking of...we are the first of just about all of our close friends to have a baby and we're already noticing that lack of invitation to things. But we're making friends with people that have kids and making an effort to initiate contact with those that don't and that don't seem to understand that we're still us and quite capable of hanging out just like before...