every 4-6 weeks

That's about how often I've been posting lately. I'm okay with that, life is for living. The internet has become sort of over rated for me. I guess I've become a bit disenchanted with social networking or how it can be abused. I've been pulling back some, putting my phone away a lot and just being present with my family and friends, especially my kids.

We are approaching week 7 of homeschool preschool. We've already had quite a few ups and downs, the biggest of which is a cold that knocked me out for nearly the entire last week. I can't really call in sick, but I can certainly simplify or take a rest day with my boys. That is exactly what we did. 

Last week Malakai had an unexplained case of hives. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. I tried to figure out what was causing it (still don't know) and how to get rid of it (my awesome sister ran to the store and got some benadryl). It was certainly a comedy of errors, at one point I got the boys out of a late morning bath,  Malakai's hives were worse, Desmond peed on me and then ran away to pee in his brother's room, and all I could do was laugh to keep from crying or screaming. What a weird day that way. There seem to be a lot of those with little ones in the house, it's surely an adventure. 

After the benadryl Kai totally passed out. I've never seen him so sleepy, Desmond wasn't a fan. He wanted his playmate back. Although he did enjoy trying to wake him up...

Late last month we started going to church on Wednesday nights for their "Kid Life" program which is life groups for children ages 3-5th grade. They also have the nursery open for babies, so we take the kids to their classes and then sit in the lobby and enjoy some uninterrupted conversation. It's been wonderful, and the boys love it. Between Bible studies and regular services we are at the church at least  3 times a week and they always ask for more. I couldn't be happier about that. 

In less than a week my baby turns two. I have mixed feelings about this, mostly disbelief really. Sometimes I still feel like I just got married 6 months ago, other days I feel like I've been doing this forever. I love our little life, the highs and lows and everything in between. We count ourselves blessed through trials and triumphs and I couldn't have asked for a better husband to be raising our children along side me. 

I never did get around to posting photos of Kai's "Rockin' 4th" party last July, I'll see about getting them from my mom to put them up here. 

Desmond's birthday party will have a transportation or "things that go" theme, as he is pretty obsessed with cars, trains, airplanes, and especially trucks. It has been so fun to watch him grow from my baby to my little boy this past year. I'll be sure to write more about him closer to his birthday next week. 

So that's just a few highlights (and low-lights) of things that we've been up to and had happen over the last month and what we have coming up soon. 

life as we know it

The title of my blog has never been more true than now. It seems that we are taking on a new endeavor and fighting a new fight on a weekly basis. I keep finding myself asking God to guide us, give us wisdom, give us peace.

 Not to say that everything is bad, but we've had a lot of challenges and I've shed quite a few tears recently. I know that I am under severe attack as I continue to strengthen my knowledge of God and my service to His kingdom. The enemy does not like it, which is a good thing but a very very hard thing.

I am so thankful for the support and wise counsel that I find in Ben, we are such a great team these days and we are finding that in these storms we are becoming more and more solid in our marriage. I could not have asked for a better man to have at my side and as the head of our little family.

Our boys are finally healthy. Desmond got over his cough quite a while ago and Malakai is just finishing up antibiotics for a cough that lasted over a month. When I bought the meds last week the generic cost us $99! That was even after Target reduced it for us (it was $165). Ben's work just switched over insurance and because it was only a week into the new year we didn't have the cards. Thankfully the guy working at the pharmacy was super helpful, gave us everything we needed to process a refund once we had the insurance information. We got over half of our money back- praise!

My broken toe is finally feeling somewhat normal. I am easing myself back into normal footwear (I've been exclusively wearing my knock-off "Uggs" for the last 5 weeks) and I'm trying to not wrap it, but I'm not sure if it's too early. I've never had a broken bone so I don't really know what I'm doing here.

Our schedule has been fairly light in comparison to the holidays and it feels so nice. My house is {mostly} clean and organized and I feel like I've got a routine to keeping on top of the mess, well, at least in the kitchen. Currently there are two baskets of clean laundry behind me, waiting to be put away. I loathe putting laundry away. And...let's not even talk about the garage.

In a little over a week we are going to try to take the boys up to the mountains to play in the snow and the weekend after that is one of my best's bachelorette party in Portland and my husband's birthday! Our schedule is about to get crazy again, but perhaps it'll be a nice return to what started to become familiar after a sweet little break.

current challenges

Over the last 3 weeks Ben has been gone each weeknight after dinner for play rehearsal. He has a lead in this year's drama at our church. We know that this is something he is called to do and that God will use it for much good, but it has been one of our biggest challenges to date.

The 1st couple nights were a breeze. The boys went to sleep and I worked on Christmas projects. As the nights progressed it got harder to get Desmond to sleep. He went a week and a half refusing to go to bed for me. Eventually I'd give up and let him stay up til Ben got home. 10 minutes of time with daddy and he passed out. On Sunday night Des fell asleep on the changing table for Ben after fighting me for hours. Needless to say, I've felt pretty useless.

Over the weekend Kai showed the effects of missing daddy or the first time. He broke down crying when he has to say goodbye after church (2 rehearsals that day). Ben and I were both heartbroken.

Monday night I broke my toe (I'll save the details), which obviously added a new level of difficulty to my nighttime parenting struggles. I insisted Ben still go to practice and I'd call on my family if need be. I took it slow, skipped bath and let the boys watch TV before bed. Totally not our normal routine and they both went to sleep by 8pm. God surely answered my prayers (and some of yours) and it was one of the easiest nights I've had in weeks ...except for the broken toe thing.

Last night was extremely rough. Desmond refused to sleep. Long story short, he was up til Ben got home at 10:30pm. I was so discouraged and totally exhausted. We finally realized that we are under attack because of our choices to increase our ministry. It's obvious that the enemy does not approve of Ben's service to this play and it's potential to encourage Christ followers and reach lost souls.

I'm not sharing this to seem like some sort of martyr, but to keep it real. I share struggles here to chronicle the ups and downs of our lives and to avoid anyone thinking we have it all together, a misconception that seems to happen a lot on social media. I also share to encourage and recruit prayers for us as I believe that God will answer them and use this struggle for His glory and our good.

Thankful on a Thursday

This week I'm thankful for...

1061. All the hard work that went into our backyard makeover {now we just wait for the grass to grow!}

1062. The kiddos staying healthy despite both Ben + I being sick.

1063. Regaining my voice after almost a week of struggling to talk.

1064. The love and support of an amazing man.

1065. Our successful trip to Portland. So many things could have derailed the whole thing, but everything went smoothly.

1066. A fantastic boss and co- workers. I love my job!

1067. My busy boys. Des is such a speedy crawler now, he has taken to following Kai everywhere. Kai LOVES it.

1068. Getting some fun crafty supplies in the mail.

1069. Morning coffee ala French press.

1070. God's word with me wherever I go. 

{YouVersion Bible app}

Now on to a VERY busy weekend!

Thankful for Mothers

I know I'm late on my thankful post, but better late than never. I wanted to be sure to share my thankful list as it relates to mothers + mothering.

I'm thankful for...

1041.  the opportunity to mother my children every day. I get to learn and grow with them and I find that to be a huge blessing.

1042. my mom. She is thoughtful, caring, loving; everything a mother should be. She is my best friend and a fantastic grandmother to our boys.

1043.  my mother-in-law. She has become like a mom to me over the past 6 years and I'm increasingly grateful for our friendship. She's also a wonderful grandma.

1044. My gram. She is such a fun lady and we don't see her often enough.

1045. Ben's grandmas. I've enjoyed getting to know them over the years and they are so sweet with our boys.

1046. My late great-grandma. I miss her tons, I often wish she could be around to meet my kids and see me as a mother.

1047. Mama friends. I have so many friends of all ages with kids at every stage who are great role models for a young(ish) mom like me.

1048. Getting to parent with Ben. He is such a great father and husband and I credit him with much of my ability to mother our sons well. I especially look to him for guidance in being more patient; with our boys and with myself.

1049. teaching my children. As a teacher I enjoy and look forward to teaching my kids at home, but will most definitely be sending them to public school once they are kindergarten age (and of course supplementing their learning at home then as well!)

1050. the funny + sweet moments. As I write this, Malakai began to stir during his nap...and is currently falling asleep sitting up. Yesterday he called me a "stinker". Desmond's belly laughs are the best pick-me-ups of all time, and I just love watching his little personality begin to shine through. Watching my sons play and interact is one of the best rewards parenting has to offer.

{the three of us on a typical day; Kai trying to help Desmond out with a "rope"}

Motherhood has it's ups and downs and it would be very easy to get caught up in the difficult parts and be ungrateful for the rest. Just today Kai threw a pretty epic fit that had me clenching my teeth. Every single day I choose to love mothering, even the hard parts. 

{mama + her boys}

What/who are you thankful for this week?

Thankful on a Thursday- gratefulness.

So I haven't posted a Thankful list in almost 2 months. Apparently when I hit 1000 I subconsciously thought it was time for a break. I didn't realize just how long it had been (felt like maybe a week or two) until I looked back to find the last post. Yikes!

I was reminded this past Sunday during a really great sermon how important gratitude is. I need to remember all the blessings on a daily hourly basis. It helps to keep the grumpies in check.

Here's a small list of some recent things that I have to be thankful for...

1001. my health. I've been whining about this lingering cold (or whatever it is) but looking at the big picture I'm relatively healthy.

1002. fun grandparents for my kids. Both my parents + Ben's parents are so playful with our boys, they are so blessed to have grandparents who are happy to get on the floor or go outside and play with them.

1003. food. If you've been to our home you know our kitchen is TINY. It's the source of much frustration on my part when I'm trying to prepare meals, especially big ones. I get really irritated when it comes to storing large items. I digress. I am just thankful to have a home, a kitchen, and food to fill our bellies.

1004. jobs. So many people are jobless right now and are forced to relocate for work, or worse. Ben + I are well aware of how precious our jobs are. Not just for the income they provide our family, but because we both enjoy what we do and who we work with.

1005. saving money. We are in the middle of a refinance on our home. We already had a super low interest rate, but we have an opportunity to save even more per month once we're on the other side of this tedious process.

1006. My children love each other. Desmond grins and gets so happy he can't help but squirm when he sees Malakai, especially first thing in the morning. Likewise, Kai lights up and giggles just being in his brother's presence. I really hope this lasts for years to come!

1007. a happy marriage. "They" all tell you that marriage is a lot of work, and it's true. It's also beyond worth it. I couldn't imagine going through life without Ben, he's my soft place to land after a hard day.

1008. knowledge. I'm learning so many things with the new part of my job and I'm even able to apply them to the job I've been doing for over a year now. It's so nice to work with people who are willing to teach me what they know and show me patience as I learn.

1009. friends. One of my very best friends just recently got engaged and I'm over-the-moon excited for her! I can't wait to celebrate her big day. I also just appreciate the rare opportunities to sit and visit with my girl friends. Let's try to meet up more often ladies!

1010. sleep. I don't nearly get enough these days, and we've just started sleep training with Desmond (resource: The No-Cry Sleep Solution.) but when I get a few consecutive hours it feels so nice!

Want to join me? Tell me what you're thankful for this week, or do a blog post of your own and link back, I'd love to read your list!

still blogging

It has been hard to find time to blog since Desmond was born. The last 5 6 months have gone by faster than any time in my life prior. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again when we add to our number (yes, we'll probably have one more kiddo some day).

I have so much I want to document about my family, especially our children while they're young. I want to remember every little detail. I've been keeping track of Kai's milestones since he was a baby and now have a sheet of paper on the fridge just for writing his quotes down before I forget the hilarious or smart things he says. I also have one for Desmond's firsts and it's filling up quickly!

I also want to continue to write about the other areas of my life beyond motherhood; being a wife, a sister, an employee, daughter, friend, follower of Christ. I wish I had time to elaborate on the thoughts that pop into my head during a quick shower or the moments just before sleep. As much as I want more time to do these things, I know I'm doing exactly what I should be. I'm living out what I've always wanted most, and while it can be exhausting and it wears me down (I've been sick for almost 2 weeks now) it's my dream life and I'm so blessed that God has given me the desires of my heart.

In church today during the message I was inspired to at least get back to my Thankful on a Thursday posts. These always did me good to bring things back to perspective when my day or week (or month...) had been a bit rough. It's a direct way for me to reflect on my blessings and give the glory to God. I had also received a lot of feedback that it inspired others, so in a sense it's a win-win.So, next Thursday I'll be bringing that back...if I realize it's Thursday before it's already Friday!

In the meantime, I do the most updating on instagram these days since it's so quick and easy from my new phone. If you want to follow along with me there, my username is ShanLeAnn. You can also find me on twitter, although lately I must admit most of my tweets are my instagram photos!

Thanks to all of you who are still following along with me here: friends, family, acquaintances, and anonymous readers alike!

happy birthday Ben!

Today is my amazing husband's birthday. We had a nice lunch out, just the two of us! It was short, but sweet.

where my time goes...

I've been terrible about updating around here lately. I knew it would happen once Desmond was born, but there's no way I could've predicted just how busy and different life would be. I feel like I have about 30 different projects going all at one time between work and home, all in different stages of "doneness" and all demanding my attention. Nothing demands my attention more than Kai + Des though, and they always win.

However, when I do get a chance to work on something here is how I spend my time:

* laundry. every person in charge of the laundry with a family of 4 knows how ridiculous and NEVER ENDING this chore is. It's always overwhelming, always. Right now there are about 10 categories: 1. Mine + Ben's dirty laundry. 2. The boys' dirty laundry 3. dirty linens 4. mine + Ben's clean clothes that need put away. 5. The boys' clothes that need put away (currently occupying the crib in the playroom-yikes.). 6. linens that need folded and put away 7. Des' clothes that are soaking in oxi-clean 8. clothes that are in the process of being washed/dried. 9. things that are hand wash only. 10. Clothes in the closets/drawers/on our bodies.

* dishes. pretty much the same story as laundry, although these get done quicker because 1. it gets gross faster and 2. there isn't room in my tiny kitchen to have dishes piling up.

* gift sorting. this is kind of an odd one, I know. We had a pile of gifts from Christmas and my birthday that was kind of taking over our living room (along with the clean laundry to be sorted). I don't give Kai all the new toys at once, nor Des for that matter. First I had to sort through the clothes, de-tag and wash the ones that fit now and put away the ones they'll grow into later. Next I dug out all the books and when I need a good distraction while nursing or putting Des down for a nap I'll grab a new book for Kai to read. Next are toys, which are all in a plastic tote until their time to shine. Last is the giftwrap/bags that I'm keeping. I'm almost done with this project as I had some time over the weekend to tackle it.

* Taxes. Right now I'm in the collecting stage, we still have 3 documents we're waiting on before I can get started.

*General cleaning. I sweep the floors every day and vacuum about twice a week (sometimes more). Kai helps me clean the playroom every couple of days and I'm constantly wiping down the dining area after he eats. I try to dust and wipe the whole house down, and scrub the bathroom at least once a week.

* General clutter. Every flat surface in our house has the tendency to accumulate clutter. Birthday cards, grocery lists, user manuals, books, vitamin containers, pens, paperwork, etc. Sometimes we'll go weeks without really putting these things where they go. It never takes long to clear off the desk/table/dresser/etc. but cleaning up dirt overrides clearing off clutter in my list of priorities.

* 2012 calendar. For the past 3 years I've done a photo calendar with pictures of the previous year's events on each month. I'm behind every year. This next calendar may have a starting month of March...

* organizing photos. I'm the most behind on this project. Before we moved here (almost 2 years ago) I had been in the habit of deleting photos that weren't great and renaming them by the date and putting them in folders by month and year. Once we moved, unpacking and getting the house ready took a priority over this project and I still haven't been able to catch up. Just about every photo from 2011 is in an obscurely labeled folder on the desktop. ugh.

* blogging. It's one of very few things that I consider "me" time, but I also do it for my family. It's my alternative to scrap booking or journaling.

* Reading. I NEVER get to do this, but last week I read The Help. I can't wait to see the movie!

* appointments. I used to make all the appointments, but now I have Ben take care of his own. So now I just schedule doctor, dentist, eye, and other appointments for the boys and myself.

* work. I've taken on a new job, which means more projects. I work on recruiting and scheduling volunteers at our church for nursery through 5 year olds. I make sure there are supplies for lessons, snack, clean up, diapering, and more. I organize curriculum for the two's and will soon be taking over the curriculum for 3-5's. I brainstorm ways to better the classrooms, volunteers, and more.

* finances. I keep track of our income + expenses, although this is something we've been talking about having Ben take over.

* small group. Ben + I just decided to host a small group through our church. It starts this week and I'm so excited! I need to prepare a snack/dessert and clean my house from top to bottom. (see all of the above items).

I'm sure I've missed something, and of course this is just all the indoor stuff since it's winter and we aren't tending to our yard + garden yet. Plus there's all the things that Ben does! He helps with the household stuff when I need it, but he also has plenty of other things to do like take out the trash, clean and organize the garage, maintain the cars, take care of all things technology and electronics and more.

Thankful on a Thursday

Wow, Thursday just keeps sneaking up on me. Since working twice as many hours the weeks have just been flying by! I was afraid when I first took on the additional role at work/church that I'd feel guilty about leaving my boys for about 10 hours a week. While I do miss them, I'm so much more productive when they're with grandma or mima that when we're together again I don't have as many other things on my mind. I can more easily focus all my attention on them and that is such a good feeling!

This week I'm thankful for...

971. God's work in my life. It's mysterious, and sometimes seems crazy, but it's always blessed.

972. my healthy growing boys. I'm a little scared to say it, but we've been free of sickness in our house for a long while now and it feels great!

973. synchronized naps. I will never stop being excited about this because it's such a rare and happy occasion (and it's occurring right now!)

974. quiet time with Ben. Another rarity is an early enough bedtime for both kiddos that Ben and I actually get some time for just us. I cherish it every time.

975. Grandma Debbie + Mima Tami = Ben's mom + my mom. They are instrumental to our survival each week.

976. With my increased hours will come increased income. I'm really excited to put that extra money into savings (thrilling, right?).

977. girl time. Yesterday when I was in the office, Liz + I were getting so talkative. She mentioned that it was some of her only "girl time" because she's often in the office by herself. I realized that it's some of my only "girl time" every week because I'm often at home with my boys!

978. the sun shining through my window. We haven't had much of a "winter", but I'm already looking forward to spring.

979. small group. We're hosting a church small group, it starts next week and I'm so excited!

980. new friends. I feel like through work and church I'm meeting a lot of new people and creating closer relationships with people I've only barely known. This is so good for me, as most stay at home/work at home moms probably know!

What are you thankful for this week?

Christmas Recap

We had a lot of Christmas gatherings over the holiday weekend, in fact we still have one left that got pushed back because of my having the stomach flu.

I've been really bad about updating with all the busyness and I don't want to overlook sharing about Desmond's first Christmas!

On the 24th we spent the entire day at my in-laws, except nap time. The morning was pretty casual and then after nap we met up for the Christmas Eve service at our church. Afterwards we gathered at their house again for the traditional homemade chicken noodle soup + crescent rolls for dinner and a Christmas devotional.

We also got to ooh and ahh over my sister-in-law Kristi's ring, she got engaged the week before and will most likely get married some time this year.

After dinner we gathered to do gifts. Malakai had been extra patient and REALLY good about not opening gifts before hand while they were under the tree. Pretty good for 2 1/2! Once it was time he was very excited and moved from one gift to the next in a bit of a blur. He even helped me open mine and Desmond's gifts.

{he especially loved the boxes}

{Ben was excited to get an AppleTV}

This year we gave almost all handmade gifts, had we not done this to save money we probably wouldn't have been able to participate in gift exchanges with anyone this year. It took a lot of coordination on my part to get them done, but I really enjoyed it.

A tradition my parents had when I was growing up was to give us kids new jammies on Christmas Eve and we'd wear them that night. Ben + I have made this a tradition, staring with each other when we were first married and now getting pj's for our kids. It got kind of late so we gave the boys their jammies at Grandma + Grandpa's house instead of when we got home.

{their first matching outfits}

Ben read The Night Before Christmas to Malakai before bed and once he was asleep we prepared gifts and got to bed ourselves. 

Christmas morning we took things a bit slow, had the traditional lefse for breakfast and watched a little tv with Kai. When we got around to exchanging gifts Malakai wanted to play with them as he opened them so we let him while Ben + I opened gifts from each other. 

I gave Ben Nike+ accessories for his iPhone for him to track his running progress. He gave me a stick vacuum that I've been wanting. We also did a few stocking stuffers. We gave the boys some things we had collected for them over the year as sales came up. Malakai's favorites were the letters and the wooden Melissa & Doug tool set (with the hammer reserved for a more mature time).

{Desmond even played with his gifts}

That afternoon we gathered with my mom's side of the family for dinner and gifts. We do gifts for all the kids high school age and younger and then a white elephant exchange among all the adults. Kai refused to sit down for dinner so Ben + I ate in shifts, which was a bit disappointing, but unavoidable. The boys got a lot of wonderful + generous gifts and Desmond pretty much slept through the whole thing. Afterward we stopped by my dad's brother's for dessert + gifts with him and his wife. They have a new dog that Malakai just adored. 

The morning of the 26th we went to my parents' place and had breakfast and exchanged gifts. Just before we left I started to feel sick and that afternoon I had come down with the stomach flu. I'm just thankful it didn't hit me during any of our gatherings!

{my all-time favorite Christmas photo}

It was so fun to watch Malakai really get the concept of gifts this year. He understood that some were his and some were for others. We also enjoyed explaining the birth of Jesus to him and seeing the wheels turning as he begins to understand. 

So that was our Christmas 2011!

the ups + downs of 30

Okay, I know I've only been 30 for a day, but my birthday was full of ups + downs. When Ben had asked me if I had a good birthday it was actually hard to answer him.

I'll start with the "downs" so that we can end this post on a positive note.

downs:

• still recovering from the stomach flu. I had a hard time figuring out what to eat to get my energy back because my stomach still feels so sensitive. 
• canceling our original dinner plans with friends- we did so ahead of time because of my being sick. 
• at one point I looked in the mirror and felt like I looked even older than 30...it wasn't very nice, but I'm hoping to attribute it to having been sick. 
• navigating my way through our disaster of a house all day. I still don't have enough energy to tidy up + it's starting to drive me crazy.
• not getting to eat my birthday cake. 
• feeling so awful after dinner that all I wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep. 
• Desmond being really fussy and inconsolable for about an hour before bed.
• not having enough time with my husband, the evening went by in a total blur.

ups:

• after waking up early both boys fell back to sleep and I got to snooze for an extra 40 minutes.
• a relatively tantrum free day.

• double naps! Kai went down easy (a miracle) and they napped at the same time for 2 hours. 
• sweet facebook messages + texts from countless friends + family.
• singing phone calls from my parents and then my grandparents. 
• having a living social deal for a coldstone icecream cake. (Those things are EXPENSIVE.) Due to my queasy tummy the whole thing is still in the freezer waiting for me. 
• thoughtful gifts from my boys: Ben typed out his version of Desmond's birth story for me (made me cry). Ben + Kai had picked out a necklace with Desmond's birthstone-opal (also made me cry). I already have earring in Kai's birthstone- ruby. 

• Malakai making me some "candles" and singing happy birthday (after insisting all day that it was Desmond's birthday, not mama's). 

• a free birthday dinner with my little family. both boys did great, it was Desmond's first restaurant experience and he just looked around and then slept. 
• snuggling up with Kai to help him fall asleep.
• falling asleep in a warm house, surrounded by the sweet family Ben + I have built. 

30 will be a great year!

another year, another...job.

Last year, around this same time, I took on my current position at our church as the Nursery Director. I coordinate volunteers and make sure everything runs smoothly on Sunday mornings in the nursery and two's classrooms. This job was perfect for several reasons, but number one was because it allowed me to work from home most of the time.

This year I've been asked to add on the preschool age group. At first I said no, it was literally my first Sunday morning back to work since having Desmond in October and I wasn't sure how I'd even handle my current role let alone adding a new one. But then I had some time to myself in my office to think, and pray. I called Ben and talked it over with him and it began to look like this additional role could be an answer to prayer for us.

In order to make it doable I'd have to take some time away from my boys. At first I felt guilty that I'd be leaving Desmond while he's still so young(if he'll ever take a bottle, but that's a different story), but Ben assured me that by following God's leadings and bringing in more income at a time when we really need it, that I'm still taking care of my family. The best part is that when I do leave them to spend some focused time working at the church I have their grandmas to watch them...for free. In addition to the hours I put in from home every chance I get, the plan is to go in for 2 half days a week while the boys play with Grandma or Mima. We'll assess my workload along the way and I'll continue to ask God to show me if it's the right choice and we'll see where it goes!

Thankful on a Thursday: holiday mess

Our house is currently a rather gigantic mess. We got halfway through decorating the tree last night before Malakai was more interested in playing with the computer (I consider this a success) so the decor boxes are still out until Ben and I can get to putting the ornaments on the tree. Time to ourselves is so scarce these days, I think it'll be a while before it's finished.

Also, due to having no time away from the children, our living room and bedroom are being taken over by laundry that needs to be put away. There are few things that frustrate me more than trying to find clothes in piles rather than the closet and drawers. The desk is piled with my work documents, notes, calendars, and to-do lists. There is a pile of craft supplies ready for me to find more of that free-time I hear so much about so I can get Christmas gifts made. The gifts that are ready await in a rubbermaid container to be wrapped.

Then there are the constant things that we just can't find a good place for...like the carseat and the baby bath tub. I keep wanting to put the baby tub in the bathroom but then it gets in the way every morning and every night at shower/bath time. I think we're getting a little too cramped in this space and I feel the need to purge things again...only to have the holidays and all the stuff that comes with it upon us. I kind of wish I could forego all the gift exchanging this year, but that seems rather out of the spirit doesn't it?

We did have a very lovely outing to get our tree last weekend and I really want to get pictures up to share, but haven't had enough time to go through them to get them posted here. There's always tomorrow.

This week I'm thankful for...

921. the festive smell of our fir tree.

922. finding a pin that matches Malakai's for Desmond's stocking



923. coming back to the knowledge that my God always provides, after living in fear over our finances.

924. a soft warm bed and a roof over my head.

925. my two sweet sons- always.

926.  the generosity of others.

927. starting my work at home job up again.

928. the rare moments of quiet.

929. promo codes that enabled us to do a photo Christmas card again this year.

930. my laptop still working after spilling tea on it...yikes! (although some of the keys are sticking...)

What are you thankful for this week? Big and small, it all matters.

Thanksgiving Weekend

Well Thanksgiving was Desmond's first big family Holiday (Halloween doesn't count, especially because we did NOTHING). Since we live in the same area as both sets of the boys' grandparents and much of my extended family, we have had two Thanksgiving gatherings in the same day since we got married. I thought it was exhausting before having children, I was dead wrong.

We arrived at Thanksgiving round 1 which was hosted by Ben's parents late Thursday morning. We had to pack to be gone all day so our car was full of extra clothes, tons of diapers, food, and other miscellany that becomes necessary when out with a toddler and baby. This also means we inevitably forgot something. Ben even said, just before we pulled out of the garage "if we forgot something, we'll make due". Unfortunately we forgot the frosting I had made for the pumpkin bars and I didn't want to have to scrounge ingredients to remake it, so he went back for it. Thankfully we only live 10 minutes away.

Desmond met lots of relatives for the first time and was passed around quite a bit, although Aunt Kristi had him for the majority of the time. She even held him while she ate. Our boys are well loved.

Here is a shot of most of the group just before eating.

We visited for a while longer after dinner and chased Kai around. He was a bit overwhelmed by all the people and really just wanted to play in a quiet room or have Grandma read him books, the routine when we're over there on any other day. It was also nap time, but we had Thanksgiving round 2 ahead of us so he got to sleep about 10 minutes on the way there...

We met at a local grange hall because of the large size of this gathering. There were nearly 30 of us and that's with 9 family members missing.

Malakai ran around the open space like a maniac and wanted so badly to play with the big kids, but got run over a few too many times for mama's liking. How he had that much energy after not napping is a mystery to me. He did have a few fits that were clearly due to him being tired, but overall he did really well and enjoyed seeing everyone.

Once again, Des got passed around (and slept through most of it) as he met new family members. I made sure to get a snapshot of just the four of us as I'm usually behind the camera and forget to jump into a picture with my boys.

Once Kai's meltdowns were a bit much to handle we decided to take the boys home. Malakai passed out in the car at 6:30, even with Desmond screaming in the carseat (which I can barely stand). He stirred once around 9pm but continued to sleep for 13 hours. It was a miracle really, since he never sleeps more than 9 hours at night, with or without a nap. Ben and I welcomed the extra sleep as we were super exhausted.

Speaking of sleep, Desmond has turned a corner and I think the colic is behind us (watch, it'll come back now that I'm saying something). He is sleeping so well at night and at naps. In fact, yesterday he fell asleep on his own for nap without his binky and slept for over 3 hours (with a feeding in between). Last night he slept for a 5 hours stretch! Sleep is good.

Back to our weekend...

We didn't venture out on Black Friday or really much of the long weekend at all. We didn't even get our Christmas tree, but Mima + G'Pa did. We headed over to their place to help them decorate. Malakai had a hard time listening to the boundaries we set for him, but he's a two year old and there were shiny things involved...can you blame him?

I can't wait to go get our tree this year. We had gone to nearby lots in the past, but this year we're headed to a tree farm to give Kai the whole experience. I might enjoy it more than he does...we shall see. 

ups and downs

As parents we all have ups and downs. Lately I've had countless of them within the same day, sometimes within the same hour. I made my first trip out of the house with both boys on my own. Malakai miraculously let me put pants on him (no really, it was actually a miracle), but I let him wear his pj shirt and didn't even attempt the jacket because I wanted to keep the morning scream-free. I waited to put his socks and shoes on til we arrived and he'd want to get out of the car. He was sweet and cooperative all the way out the door.

I fed Desmond just before we left and wore him in an Ergobaby carrier with Kai in the cart. The belts at our grocery store are not only questionable, but too small to fit around Malakai. Needless to say, I can't step away from the cart at all. He only attempted an escape a couple of times, and there was still no screaming! The trip was going so well that I stocked up on more than I was planning on getting so that I wouldn't have to go back anytime soon!

{sent this to daddy from the store for proof}

Our day started off well and I felt like a superhero for accomplishing a daunting task for the first time with such ease. Everything fell together so nicely. Of course, that meant that the rest of the day didn't go as planned. Kai took over an hour to go down for his nap. He kept taking his diaper off and a teeny part of me really wanted to just solve the problem with some packing tape! He didn't wake up til 4pm which meant he was difficult to get to sleep, even with pushing back his bedtime. 

Ben + I were chatting last night just before bed about how much we miss each other. It's odd to be in the same 900 square foot house with someone and yet miss them. Since our boys weren't cooperating for bedtime, Ben sat with Malakai while I tried to soothe Desmond. By the time they were both asleep we were exhausted in every sense of the word.

This is the season we are in and there are many joys along with the trials. I know that I'll miss this stage once our boys no longer need us at night and are gone to school all day, but sometimes it's just plain hard. In the middle of the difficult days I still find joy in my family. I'm so thankful for them and blessed that this is my life.







P.S. Don't forget to enter the Nourish Organics giveaway, it ends tomorrow night!

trials + transitions

Just as I lamented on Friday, my brain has been a bit mushy lately. It's frustrating to let others down. I get irritated with myself for not meeting others' expectations or my own. Part of the problem is I expect too much of myself. I try to do too much on my own, forgetting to rely on God and let Him guide me gently to where He wants me to be and what He wants me to do.

I really want to be careful about taking on too much before I'm ready. I've learned this lesson with the trials we've been through lately. I keep finding myself saying "it's been one thing after another" in reference to the events leading up to and following Desmond's birth. It feels like we haven't really had a break or any down time. I don't know why I would expect either of those things with a newborn and a toddler!

All that to say that I'm going to be very careful about what I take on. I'm going to do my best to immerse myself in prayer over the timing of things before making any decisions. Namely, transitioning back into my part-time job. I miss it and I want to take it on now, but I don't want to do it badly. I know that we need to figure out our new normal now that we're all healthy and Demond is beginning to exhibit some signs of a daily routine, before I add something else to the mix.

We've had some other personal hardships at home, and a big loss in our circle of family and friends. It has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life and I'm really looking forward to moving on and letting God's peace wash over me.

Friday I was planning on posting a feature and giveaway for all of you but I had forgotten an important component and ran out of time to get the information I needed. I hate to let people down in this way, but am so thankful for the grace I received in the process. Lucky for all of you, the giveaway will be up first thing tomorrow morning!

Thankful on a Thursday: support system

After posting about our rough night with Desmond I received a good amount of feedback and support from other mamas. Thanks so much for the suggestions and commiseration.

Our pediatrician had us come back in yesterday to make sure there wasn't something more than colic to Desmond's fits. Thankfully his ear is looking better and he is showing signs of the sickness nearing it's end. She also told us that gas meds like Mylicon are not really helpful, but that there's more research to back up the effectiveness of gripe water. So we went out and bought some last night. We gave him some and he only cried for about half an hour on and off. A HUGE improvement from the 3 hours straight in the evenings prior

This week I'm thankful for...

881. a support system of friends + acquaintances; online and in person.

882. a pediatrician we can trust and that we happen to adore.

883. Desmond napping through Malakai vomiting, taking a bath and needing me to sit with him til he fell asleep for nap this afternoon. No clue what's going on there...

884. the blogger app Ben added to my iPod, which is always by my side for Des' activity tracker. Please excuse future grammatical errors and such as I'm not the best at typing on it.

885. forgiveness.

886. reconciliation.

887. upcoming giveaways around here to treat my amazing readers with (coming soon!)

888. grace.

889. frozen meals: I've cooked maybe twice since Desmond was born between the pre-made meals and those brought fresh during the first couple weeks.

890. the power of prayer. (please pray for our friends' son Christian, he is 7 months old and in the hospital needing a miracle).

I've noticed a lot of you posting daily about what you're thankful for on facebook and twitter. It's so encouraging to see what others count as blessings.

the sleepless nights begin

Last night was a rough one, the most difficult we've had with Desmond yet. He didn't start really crying until last week, right after we discovered his ear infection. The past few days he's been passed out and then as soon as Ben + I get ready to climb into bed (9-10pmish) he acts hungry but when I go to nurse him he just scream and grunts, but won't eat. We've tried burping and then attempting to feed him over and over again. We've changed his diaper over and over (he has a bad rash right now, stinkin' antibiotics). We swaddle, and shush, and sway. He'll calm for a minute or two and then start all over again.

Last night it lasted for just over 3 hours and I couldn't help but sob some too. We snuggled him and prayed for relief. It was emotionally draining for both Ben and I, not being able to comfort your baby is the worst feeling in the world. He finally passed out at midnight snuggled up next to me. He slept for almost 5 hours straight, at which point I woke up really uncomfortable. I changed his diaper to wake him so he'd eat, and he ate just fine. No crying, or fussing- actually he fell back to sleep as soon as he started to nurse.

During all the crying, after about 90 minutes of Ben and I trading off trying to calm Desmond, he turned to me and asked "is this colic?". I wasn't sure until I looked up info on our pediatrician's website which said colic is 3+ hours of unexplained crying followed by normal behavior the rest of the time. Since it lasted that long before he fell asleep we're wondering if we are in for a colicy baby for a while, or if it's related to one or multiple other things: ear infection (which should feel better by now), diaper rash, thrush in his mouth, over tiredness, or fast letdown (he sometimes fusses and coughs when feeding during the day as well). It's so hard not knowing, I can't believe I forgot how terrible this felt. Kai had a couple hard nights as an infant too.

I have a newfound thankfulness for Malakai's ability to tell us what is bothering him for the most part. Also, despite our tiny house and sharing a bedroom wall, Malakai has never been disturbed by Desmond's night time crying. He may toss and turn a bit, but always stays asleep. Ben wondered aloud "how is he still asleep?!" I answered, "Jesus". God's power is honestly the only explanation for how that kid can sleep through the screaming that can be heard clearly in every corner of our 1000 square foot home.

Needless to say we are total zombies today. I feel bad that Ben works too far away to come home for a lunchtime snooze. If Kai would cooperate we'd go to bed earlier to get some rest before the crying sets in, but the timing just doesn't work out.

Once again, I'm requesting prayer. We are definitely experiencing a challenging season in our family right now. Thankfully, more often than not, we're able to focus on the blessings and find joy.

time

I know I write about this too often but it's unbelievable how incredibly fast time has been passing me by. It still feels like just yesterday I met Desmond for the first time, but snoozing next to me is a chubby 3 week old, proof that much more time has passed that I'd like. I know a lot of parents wish away stages of their children's lives. Looking forward to when they can grasp a toy, eat solids, crawl, walk, talk, and more. I on the other hand would be happy to slow things down to keep my sons little for as long as possible. I do my best to just sit and watch them in the now, trying hard to memorize every little nuance. Hoping to hang on to all these moments with clarity would be the only advantage, in my opinion, to having photographic memory.

Not only have the weeks sped past too quickly, but the days and the hours are just melting away. Somehow Malakai slept in until 8am yesterday and after getting through some of our morning routines I sat down to look at the clock and it was already 10am. I could hardly believe two hours had passed me by in a blink. I don't know how life could go any faster, but I'm sure it won't be slowing down anytime soon. Despite having a cold, complete with nasty cough, Kai is full of energy. Desmond is obviously not on any sort of schedule yet so keeping him happy has me on my toes at all times.

The nice thing about the days going by fast is that it brings us to the afternoons when Ben gets home and we're all together again. Somehow, when daddy is here things slow down just a little bit.