On Breaking New Ground- again.

We've recently undergone quite a few big life changes this year. 2013 has been anything but boring. Even just keeping up with our littles is enough to make for a busy life.

Since December of last year I started to feel God calling me away from my job. I wasn't sure how that would work, or if I was hearing him right. Perhaps I was just overwhelmed with my current workload and the stress of the holiday season.

In January some changes at work caused quite a stir which led Ben and I to really examine my role as an employee and our membership at the church. We had a LOT of deep and quite emotional conversations and we prayed incessantly. For a long time we waited to see what God wanted us to do. It was painful to be in that place, not knowing what God desired of us or had in store for our future on quite a few levels (personally, professionally, and overall spiritually). We continued to wait and pray.

I started to think that it would be nice to have Kai's last year before going to Kindergarten to focus on him and Desmond solely. It felt like a daydream, but I thought about it a lot. I loved my job and frankly, we needed the income to even get by.  We have done a lot to slash our budget. We don't eat out, go to movies, buy toys or even clothing really. We've switched to cloth diapering and use baking soda and vinegar to clean just about everything, just to name a few things. So it didn't seem doable for me to stop working and still be able to survive (buy groceries, pay for gas, and you know...our mortgage). Still, the desire lingered in my heart.

Things at work got even more difficult, but nothing worth leaving over. I found a way to simplify my work tasks which REALLY helped for a while. Then we tried out having me do lesson planning and volunteer scheduling late at night after the boys had gone to bed. Long gone were the days when both boys napped and I could get 2-3 hours in each afternoon. Still, I found it wasn't enough time and I didn't much like missing out on one on one time with my husband to be working in the other room at 8pm. When I tried to preoccupy Kai so I could get things done while Desmond napped, I felt like I was neglecting him. Working from home has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced. I've work outside the home and for a short time I was solely a stay-at-home mom, but balancing both roles at the same time has been the hardest by far. Even with a well-timed schedule the kids pull rank, as they should.

Ben and I talked and prayed. My dream of leaving in the fall turned to the summer. Next thing I knew, the desire to be home full-time weighed so heavily on my heart that I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to leave my job, not in the fall, not in the summer, but right then. It was hard to swallow, but I knew I had to be obedient and trust in Him to provide for our family. That Ben and I both had to lay our pride down and recognize that we weren't the ones providing for our family in the first place, not alone anyway.

I drafted a letter. Prayed about the timing, and submitted my resignation mid April. It was both painful and freeing. I had to clarify often to staff, friends, and volunteers that we weren't leaving the church and that my leaving my job was strictly in response to God's call on my life and had no bearing on any leadership or co-workers.

May 2nd was my last day and on that day we were gifted $500. It was our first tangible affirmation that we had made the right decision and that God would provide for us in unexpected ways. While the last month has been met with some uncertainty, I'm constantly reminded that God will take care of us and I believe it, deeply. I've even had job offers and suggestions for earning additional income. I know that is not God's plan for me, to leave one job for another.

I will miss my jobs directing the Nursery + Toddlers and Preschool age ministries, but there is no doubt that this was the right move at the right time for our whole family. God is orchestrating the perfect people to take over and I'm exciting to watch these ministries flourish under their leadership as a church member and a parent of children in both age groups.

I'm so enjoying being at home with no outside deadlines pulling me away. No emails, texts, or phone calls. It's glorious. I can tell my kids are enjoying it as well. I've found a joy in fulfilling a dream that God put in my heart just 5 months ago and I look forward to seeing how He'll continue to grow and bless us through this new journey.

the bad news, and the good news

I've alluded to something pretty big going on in our family over the last couple of months. I've clarified that I am not pregnant, and once again...no, I'm not and don't plan to be for quite some time. So there's that.

On January 15th my mom went in for a mammogram and the radiologist saw something. He told her he was almost certain that it was cancer. My mom is only 51 and quite healthy. There was a lot of testing, and a LOT of waiting. She had ultrasounds, MRI's, and a biopsy. We found out about 10 days after the mammogram that the lump was in fact cancer.

I never knew how much waiting is involved with breast cancer. I was surprised that we wouldn't even find out the stage of her cancer until after surgery, when they'd run tests on the tumor. My mom had about a million doctor's appointments for testing, results, and the like.

All of us were pretty quiet about it all, but still doing what we could to support her and hold it all together. I found myself proclaiming God's favor over our family and finding His peace to be most comforting when things should have felt chaotic.

This card is from a message that was preached at the exact right time for what our family is going through. I posted this in our home and claimed these truths. I prayed this prayer often over my mom, and over many other situations that have cropped up over the last few months because, when it rains- it pours.

February 15th my mom went in for a lumpectomy to remove the cancer. Ben's mom stayed with the boys and I went to wait with my siblings and my dad. My mom's sister, brother-in-law, and one of my cousins came for a time as well. Surgery was successful, but it's always so painful to see someone you love in such a state and know that what they are going through and about to move into is going to be painful.

I set up meals to be brought over while she recovered. Thanks again to those of you who may read this and made a dinner for my mom, dad and siblings. It was a huge blessing over them to be able to focus on her recovery and the road ahead.

After surgery we waited to find out more about her tumor. They also removed lymph nodes to test them for cancer. If they had been affected, then the stage of her cancer would be higher and the treatment more aggressive as it would indicate the cancer had moved through her lymph system to other parts of her body. She would most definitely need chemo. No matter the results, she would need radiation treatments to prevent the cancer from returning.

11 days after surgery my mom and I went to meet with her surgeon for results. Her cancer was staged low and the lymph nodes were negative. PRAISE GOD! Dr. F referred her to the oncologists that would take over her treatment from there.

Over all of this we had throngs of people praying over my mom. The prayer team from my church, all sorts of friends, and family, and our small group have been lifting her up. I have a handful of people that I can text whenever I have a prayer request and know that they will deliver. We have been so blessed by this.

Thanks specifically to my mother in law Debbie for making a care package for my mom and watching the boys extra, and to Liz for watching my boys during a couple of appointments.

About once or twice a week I'd accompany her to meet with one of her 2 oncologists. In early March we met her Medical Oncologist and found out there was still a possibility of chemo. Neither of us were expecting that. Of course there was another test to run and more waiting.

While we waited on that, we met with her Radiation Oncologist the next week about the course of treatment for radiation, which was a definite. The nurse told us all about the radiation treatments, but none of what she said would pertain to my mom as she is a candidate for balloon catheter radiation. She lives in a rural area outside town and the regular radiation treatments would be once a day, every day, for 6 weeks. The balloon radiation treatments involve an implant that she'd have for a week and she'd go in for treatments twice a day for 5 days. The side effects of the radiation are also lessened. She opted for the balloon radiation, which she would also do prior to chemo (if needed) instead of after.

March 21st we went back in to meet with her Medical Oncologist and her test came back low, meaning no chemo! The doctor told us he was surprised that the numbers were so low. Prayer works people. She will be on hormone therapy, in pill form, for the rest of her life. With that, the radiation, negative lymph nodes, and the successful surgery the likely hood of the cancer returning in the next 5-10 years is only 6%, which he assured us is very good. She would only need to see him again to make sure she was doing well on the hormone therapy after she finished radiation.

So, today she starts her radiation treatments. She went in this morning and will go back again this afternoon. Please pray for her through this and over the course of her treatment and recovery. We are confident that God has answered our prayers and will continue to do so. Pray for her energy and that she has no complications from the catheter or otherwise.

Please pray for me. I'm 31, annual mammograms start at age 40 but now I've been advised to go in this summer and get screened. My mom's surgeon made a comment that when breast cancer affects women in their 20's and 30's that it is much more aggressive and harder to treat. He was talking about her, trying to reassure her but he scared both of us about my sister and I. Once again, I'm proclaiming God's favor over us.

That has been what I've been doing in my free time. I've been wanting to blog more here as my sons grow and are doing remarkable and hilarious things, as great things are happening all around us as well (see my February recap), but my time is precious and I haven't had much of it to sit at a computer and really update. I'm hoping that changes soon. I'd love to do a March recap before April is over, and I am especially looking forward to posting some Easter photos of my little boys.

life as we know it

The title of my blog has never been more true than now. It seems that we are taking on a new endeavor and fighting a new fight on a weekly basis. I keep finding myself asking God to guide us, give us wisdom, give us peace.

 Not to say that everything is bad, but we've had a lot of challenges and I've shed quite a few tears recently. I know that I am under severe attack as I continue to strengthen my knowledge of God and my service to His kingdom. The enemy does not like it, which is a good thing but a very very hard thing.

I am so thankful for the support and wise counsel that I find in Ben, we are such a great team these days and we are finding that in these storms we are becoming more and more solid in our marriage. I could not have asked for a better man to have at my side and as the head of our little family.

Our boys are finally healthy. Desmond got over his cough quite a while ago and Malakai is just finishing up antibiotics for a cough that lasted over a month. When I bought the meds last week the generic cost us $99! That was even after Target reduced it for us (it was $165). Ben's work just switched over insurance and because it was only a week into the new year we didn't have the cards. Thankfully the guy working at the pharmacy was super helpful, gave us everything we needed to process a refund once we had the insurance information. We got over half of our money back- praise!

My broken toe is finally feeling somewhat normal. I am easing myself back into normal footwear (I've been exclusively wearing my knock-off "Uggs" for the last 5 weeks) and I'm trying to not wrap it, but I'm not sure if it's too early. I've never had a broken bone so I don't really know what I'm doing here.

Our schedule has been fairly light in comparison to the holidays and it feels so nice. My house is {mostly} clean and organized and I feel like I've got a routine to keeping on top of the mess, well, at least in the kitchen. Currently there are two baskets of clean laundry behind me, waiting to be put away. I loathe putting laundry away. And...let's not even talk about the garage.

In a little over a week we are going to try to take the boys up to the mountains to play in the snow and the weekend after that is one of my best's bachelorette party in Portland and my husband's birthday! Our schedule is about to get crazy again, but perhaps it'll be a nice return to what started to become familiar after a sweet little break.

current challenges

Over the last 3 weeks Ben has been gone each weeknight after dinner for play rehearsal. He has a lead in this year's drama at our church. We know that this is something he is called to do and that God will use it for much good, but it has been one of our biggest challenges to date.

The 1st couple nights were a breeze. The boys went to sleep and I worked on Christmas projects. As the nights progressed it got harder to get Desmond to sleep. He went a week and a half refusing to go to bed for me. Eventually I'd give up and let him stay up til Ben got home. 10 minutes of time with daddy and he passed out. On Sunday night Des fell asleep on the changing table for Ben after fighting me for hours. Needless to say, I've felt pretty useless.

Over the weekend Kai showed the effects of missing daddy or the first time. He broke down crying when he has to say goodbye after church (2 rehearsals that day). Ben and I were both heartbroken.

Monday night I broke my toe (I'll save the details), which obviously added a new level of difficulty to my nighttime parenting struggles. I insisted Ben still go to practice and I'd call on my family if need be. I took it slow, skipped bath and let the boys watch TV before bed. Totally not our normal routine and they both went to sleep by 8pm. God surely answered my prayers (and some of yours) and it was one of the easiest nights I've had in weeks ...except for the broken toe thing.

Last night was extremely rough. Desmond refused to sleep. Long story short, he was up til Ben got home at 10:30pm. I was so discouraged and totally exhausted. We finally realized that we are under attack because of our choices to increase our ministry. It's obvious that the enemy does not approve of Ben's service to this play and it's potential to encourage Christ followers and reach lost souls.

I'm not sharing this to seem like some sort of martyr, but to keep it real. I share struggles here to chronicle the ups and downs of our lives and to avoid anyone thinking we have it all together, a misconception that seems to happen a lot on social media. I also share to encourage and recruit prayers for us as I believe that God will answer them and use this struggle for His glory and our good.

Kai's first prayer

For a long time now Ben + I have been saying prayers with Malakai just before bed. Lately it has consisted of myself or Ben saying a simple prayer and if Kai was in the mood he'd repeat it line by line. Sometimes he'd just say amen at the end, other times he's just not in the mood to say anything at all.

Tonight I went to say a quick prayer with him as Desmond was crying for me in the next room (Ben was trying to soothe him but he wanted me). I started with "Dear God" and when I paused to see if Kai was going to repeat it he whispered,  "Thank you for my Jesus". My voice caught in my throat, I was obviously flooded with emotion. I affirmed what he said and asked "what else?" and he said "and God made everything." I told him "that's right!" and we said amen and I scooted out of the room to Desmond.

What a sweet little surprise to hear Kai say his first independent prayer.

"Thank you for my Jesus. 

God made everything.

Amen."

By the way, "God made everything" is the bottom line in the Sunday school curriculum we're teaching age 2-5's. I'm just thrilled that Kai is really picking up on what he's being taught and that what we teach him at home is sticking too.

Thankful on a Thursday

This week I'm thankful for...

1061. All the hard work that went into our backyard makeover {now we just wait for the grass to grow!}

1062. The kiddos staying healthy despite both Ben + I being sick.

1063. Regaining my voice after almost a week of struggling to talk.

1064. The love and support of an amazing man.

1065. Our successful trip to Portland. So many things could have derailed the whole thing, but everything went smoothly.

1066. A fantastic boss and co- workers. I love my job!

1067. My busy boys. Des is such a speedy crawler now, he has taken to following Kai everywhere. Kai LOVES it.

1068. Getting some fun crafty supplies in the mail.

1069. Morning coffee ala French press.

1070. God's word with me wherever I go. 

{YouVersion Bible app}

Now on to a VERY busy weekend!

Thankful on a Thursday- gratefulness.

So I haven't posted a Thankful list in almost 2 months. Apparently when I hit 1000 I subconsciously thought it was time for a break. I didn't realize just how long it had been (felt like maybe a week or two) until I looked back to find the last post. Yikes!

I was reminded this past Sunday during a really great sermon how important gratitude is. I need to remember all the blessings on a daily hourly basis. It helps to keep the grumpies in check.

Here's a small list of some recent things that I have to be thankful for...

1001. my health. I've been whining about this lingering cold (or whatever it is) but looking at the big picture I'm relatively healthy.

1002. fun grandparents for my kids. Both my parents + Ben's parents are so playful with our boys, they are so blessed to have grandparents who are happy to get on the floor or go outside and play with them.

1003. food. If you've been to our home you know our kitchen is TINY. It's the source of much frustration on my part when I'm trying to prepare meals, especially big ones. I get really irritated when it comes to storing large items. I digress. I am just thankful to have a home, a kitchen, and food to fill our bellies.

1004. jobs. So many people are jobless right now and are forced to relocate for work, or worse. Ben + I are well aware of how precious our jobs are. Not just for the income they provide our family, but because we both enjoy what we do and who we work with.

1005. saving money. We are in the middle of a refinance on our home. We already had a super low interest rate, but we have an opportunity to save even more per month once we're on the other side of this tedious process.

1006. My children love each other. Desmond grins and gets so happy he can't help but squirm when he sees Malakai, especially first thing in the morning. Likewise, Kai lights up and giggles just being in his brother's presence. I really hope this lasts for years to come!

1007. a happy marriage. "They" all tell you that marriage is a lot of work, and it's true. It's also beyond worth it. I couldn't imagine going through life without Ben, he's my soft place to land after a hard day.

1008. knowledge. I'm learning so many things with the new part of my job and I'm even able to apply them to the job I've been doing for over a year now. It's so nice to work with people who are willing to teach me what they know and show me patience as I learn.

1009. friends. One of my very best friends just recently got engaged and I'm over-the-moon excited for her! I can't wait to celebrate her big day. I also just appreciate the rare opportunities to sit and visit with my girl friends. Let's try to meet up more often ladies!

1010. sleep. I don't nearly get enough these days, and we've just started sleep training with Desmond (resource: The No-Cry Sleep Solution.) but when I get a few consecutive hours it feels so nice!

Want to join me? Tell me what you're thankful for this week, or do a blog post of your own and link back, I'd love to read your list!

hanging clouds

This morning at work I spent my time cutting out hearts, sticking checkered bunting to a table, and hanging clouds from the ceiling. These are the fun things I get to do during the week as part of my job directing part of the children's ministries at my church.

 I am so blessed to have a job that a look forward to going to each week, even though it means working on the weekends and being utterly exhausted every Sunday afternoon. It is so worth it!

The very best part is imparting the love of Jesus to babies, toddlers and preschoolers. I obviously have a personal investment with Malakai being in two's class. It's also a good partnership in that I'm able to serve from the prospective of a parent, anticipating their needs and concerns.

If you're in the Eugene area and looking for a church, contact me. I'd love to share mine with you!

Thankful on a Thursday

Wow, Thursday just keeps sneaking up on me. Since working twice as many hours the weeks have just been flying by! I was afraid when I first took on the additional role at work/church that I'd feel guilty about leaving my boys for about 10 hours a week. While I do miss them, I'm so much more productive when they're with grandma or mima that when we're together again I don't have as many other things on my mind. I can more easily focus all my attention on them and that is such a good feeling!

This week I'm thankful for...

971. God's work in my life. It's mysterious, and sometimes seems crazy, but it's always blessed.

972. my healthy growing boys. I'm a little scared to say it, but we've been free of sickness in our house for a long while now and it feels great!

973. synchronized naps. I will never stop being excited about this because it's such a rare and happy occasion (and it's occurring right now!)

974. quiet time with Ben. Another rarity is an early enough bedtime for both kiddos that Ben and I actually get some time for just us. I cherish it every time.

975. Grandma Debbie + Mima Tami = Ben's mom + my mom. They are instrumental to our survival each week.

976. With my increased hours will come increased income. I'm really excited to put that extra money into savings (thrilling, right?).

977. girl time. Yesterday when I was in the office, Liz + I were getting so talkative. She mentioned that it was some of her only "girl time" because she's often in the office by herself. I realized that it's some of my only "girl time" every week because I'm often at home with my boys!

978. the sun shining through my window. We haven't had much of a "winter", but I'm already looking forward to spring.

979. small group. We're hosting a church small group, it starts next week and I'm so excited!

980. new friends. I feel like through work and church I'm meeting a lot of new people and creating closer relationships with people I've only barely known. This is so good for me, as most stay at home/work at home moms probably know!

What are you thankful for this week?

another year, another...job.

Last year, around this same time, I took on my current position at our church as the Nursery Director. I coordinate volunteers and make sure everything runs smoothly on Sunday mornings in the nursery and two's classrooms. This job was perfect for several reasons, but number one was because it allowed me to work from home most of the time.

This year I've been asked to add on the preschool age group. At first I said no, it was literally my first Sunday morning back to work since having Desmond in October and I wasn't sure how I'd even handle my current role let alone adding a new one. But then I had some time to myself in my office to think, and pray. I called Ben and talked it over with him and it began to look like this additional role could be an answer to prayer for us.

In order to make it doable I'd have to take some time away from my boys. At first I felt guilty that I'd be leaving Desmond while he's still so young(if he'll ever take a bottle, but that's a different story), but Ben assured me that by following God's leadings and bringing in more income at a time when we really need it, that I'm still taking care of my family. The best part is that when I do leave them to spend some focused time working at the church I have their grandmas to watch them...for free. In addition to the hours I put in from home every chance I get, the plan is to go in for 2 half days a week while the boys play with Grandma or Mima. We'll assess my workload along the way and I'll continue to ask God to show me if it's the right choice and we'll see where it goes!

trials + transitions

Just as I lamented on Friday, my brain has been a bit mushy lately. It's frustrating to let others down. I get irritated with myself for not meeting others' expectations or my own. Part of the problem is I expect too much of myself. I try to do too much on my own, forgetting to rely on God and let Him guide me gently to where He wants me to be and what He wants me to do.

I really want to be careful about taking on too much before I'm ready. I've learned this lesson with the trials we've been through lately. I keep finding myself saying "it's been one thing after another" in reference to the events leading up to and following Desmond's birth. It feels like we haven't really had a break or any down time. I don't know why I would expect either of those things with a newborn and a toddler!

All that to say that I'm going to be very careful about what I take on. I'm going to do my best to immerse myself in prayer over the timing of things before making any decisions. Namely, transitioning back into my part-time job. I miss it and I want to take it on now, but I don't want to do it badly. I know that we need to figure out our new normal now that we're all healthy and Demond is beginning to exhibit some signs of a daily routine, before I add something else to the mix.

We've had some other personal hardships at home, and a big loss in our circle of family and friends. It has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life and I'm really looking forward to moving on and letting God's peace wash over me.

Friday I was planning on posting a feature and giveaway for all of you but I had forgotten an important component and ran out of time to get the information I needed. I hate to let people down in this way, but am so thankful for the grace I received in the process. Lucky for all of you, the giveaway will be up first thing tomorrow morning!

3 weeks...

Desmond is 3 weeks old today (oh how time is passing us by) and it's my 2nd week as a stay at home mama of two. I must admit that I knew it would be difficult once Ben went back to work, but last week was far more than challenging, it was just plain hard. A large part of our rough start was my being sick, but also Malakai's behavior was more unruly than usual.

I'm relying on God's strength to get me through this week. I'm praying for peace + patience and a better week overall. Unfortunately, we're starting off with Kai being sick. His congestion that I attributed to teething has graduated to a cough. Lucky for me he still has the same amount of energy as usual (he just jumped off the couch as I typed that). Sadly we won't be venturing out to the harvest party we planned to attend tonight. I was looking forward to getting out of the house and hanging out with some friends and their kiddos, but a night in with my family isn't ever a bad thing in my opinion.

{starting off the week snuggling my boys- it's going to be a great day!}

Happy Monday,

Thankful on a Thursday

I wanted to post a few new pictures with this update, but time is escaping me. T-minus 3 days until Ben returns to work. I thought the last 2 years flew by since we've had Malakai but I'm thinking that two kids is going to make the days go by even faster. If you've discovered a way to slow down the clock, please share your secret.


This week I'm thankful for...

861. Desmond gaining weight. The kid is a marvel among the docs + nurses.

862. Relaxing and bonding time with my boys.

863. long stretches of sleep (and by long I mean 2-4 consecutive hours)

864. continually borrowing my in-laws DSLR camera to capture the daily goings on of my growing family.

865. a day at home with no events or expectations (I have some sort of stomach bug, so I needed the rest)

866. a free newborn + family session with a great photographer. I can't wait to see how the photos turned out.

867. once again, home-cooked meals from friends + family and a well stocked fridge, pantry, and freezer. I am so glad to not have to go to the grocery store anytime soon!

868. Ben's encouragement as we count down the days to his return to work and my new adventure as a mama to two. He makes me feel like I can do anything.

869. watching Malakai get to know and love his baby brother. He has been so sweet and a big help around the house already.

870. food on the table, gas in the car, clothes on my back, blankets on my bed and a roof over my head. Our God provides.


I'll be posting my birth story tomorrow.

Goodnight,

Thankful on a Thursday: Like a Flood

All this week I've had the chorus from Like a Fire by Planetshakers stuck in my head.

Come like a flood and saturate me now

You’re all I want

Come like the wind and sweep throughout this place

You’re all we want

It's what comes to mind when I think of all the blessing that has been piled upon us lately. It's coming from all sides, like a flood. Usually people refer to hardships by saying "when it rains, it pours". Earlier this week Ben tweeted "Praise Him from whom all blessings flow. And when it rains...it pours!"  and I found myself with a new perspective on the depth of suffering versus the depth of blessing. I've been blessed big in my lifetime before, but I am really feeling this down pour of provision and protection from God like never before. 

If you aren't aware of what I'm referring to, be sure to read yesterday's post and it will be obvious what I'm thankful for this week...

As if that blessing weren't enough, there's more.

This week I'm beyond thankful for...

681. Not only are we covered for nearly all Kai's surgery costs, but we are covered until April 2012 for future costs we incur through that particular medical group. Memorial Day, we took Kai to Urgent Care for a sprained ankle...covered. In October, our baby is born at the same hospital...covered (besides my OBGYN costs). 

682. The opportunity to buy Ben's parents' car that we are constantly borrowing at a VERY affordable price. This won't happen for another month or two, but I am REALLY looking forward to having a car!

683. The return of Malakai's appetite...for the most part. 

{loves chips + salsa just like daddy. Bananas + spaghetti sauce are yummy too}

684. The confidence Ben has in our God. Sometimes he had to bring me back to the knowledge that God would provide, and provide He did!

685. Volunteers. Summer is difficult for consistent volunteers in kid's ministry, but I have some very faithful people putting in extra shifts and a handful of new volunteers eager to serve!

686. the sunshine + the rain. Both of which are making my first garden grow, grow, grow!

687. How my dear husband is always making me laugh...

{he came down dressed like this after going through things at his parent's house}

688. a library card. I borrowed some kids books about gardening and waiting for baby for Kai and Deceptively Delicious for me. I can't wait to try out some of the recipes!

689. a quiet house while my sweet boy naps. This has been a rough week for sleep...Kai is definitely cutting those 2 year molars. 

690. A mother-in-law who babysits, and a father-in-law who sprays our weeds while I'm at work.

What are you thankful for this week?

A Gift + A Hope: Giveaway Winner, Fundraiser Totals, + Updates

First, to all involved...

{thank you}

Our little family has been so blessed by the generosity of family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers near + far. As this little project of mine began to blossom I was floored by the response at each interval. First the amazing sponsors who donated from their shops, many of their items handmade. Please be sure to visit them. Then the 26+ who shared about our fundraiser through twitter, facebook, blog posts and other social media. Many more shared and did not take part in the giveaway portion. Last, to the 12 donors who contributed generously of their own hard earned money to help our family in a time of need. We rejoiced at each donation and have seen God's provision come forth through your giving.

Of the free entries and donations combined there were 132 total entries, and today I announce the one winner. I hope those of you who do not get the fantastic prize aren't disappointed, but are blessed to have been a blessing. Each of your entries received a number based on the order your comment or donation was received. The winner was chosen by plugging the numbers in at random.org just like any of my other giveaways so as to make things fair.

The winner of my biggest giveaway yet will receive items from the 11 sponsors. A total of over $300 in prizes! Without further delay, congratulations to...

Britt!

I will email you directly. Please respond in 48 hours to claim the prize package. 

Now, on to the fundraiser updates. The final total of financial contributions towards Malakai's Surgery fund is...

We continue to be overwhelmed by this number. Partly because of it's generous size but also because of it's meaning. You see, beyond this fundraiser there is a God at work who put the little details into place to provide for our family. I knew that before and I know it even more now because of how these details revealed themselves. 

Here's a little history. Back in April, before I launched this fundraiser and before Kai even had his surgery I applied for a financial assistance program through the hospital where his procedure would take place. As I mentioned in the original post, our insurance has an extremely high deductible that we'd have to meet to even get partial coverage, leaving us on our own to cover the expense of his surgery, just 5 short months before adding another little boy to our household. You can see how the dollar signs begin to add up. The assistance program I applied for was very detailed and lengthy, but I was willing to put in the work if there was even a slight chance we could receive some help. Another helpful part about applying was that while our application was under review, all our bills would be on hold with no penalties. At the very least this would allow us time to save + raise money before our first payment would be due.

On Monday we received a letter about our financial assistance application. As Ben + I opened the letter I   lifted up a prayer in my head for God's will to take place. We both skimmed over the details silently and then my eyes came across "100%" and I clasped my hand over my mouth and gasped as I pointed it out to Ben. We weren't sure exactly what that meant, but we knew it would be significant. Yesterday I called the hospital for details and found out that anything that was done by professionals in the group that we applied for assistance through would be covered completely. I made about 6 more phone calls that morning to find out what was covered and what wasn't.

After 90 minutes on the phone and mounds of notes + paperwork spread out before me I had learned that all but 2 of our bills would be covered. With the surgery there were 6 different bills between the visits before + after his procedure, the surgery itself including the hospital, surgeon, anesthesia... Before any coverage the bills would amount to nearly $10,000. After assistance kicked in we are left with an amount almost identical to the funds raised here by all of you.

To us, this is evidence of our God at work. While we want to give all of you credit for your contributions and we are so thankful for each and every one of you, we give the glory to God for bringing this diverse community together and meeting a need that seemed out of reach. 

Please accept our humble gratitude and be blessed to have taken part in something truly amazing. This is also why we are no longer accepting donations. I had mentioned keeping the Deposit a Gift page open as well as adding a donate button here through paypal, but with everything covered we are no longer in need!

without complaining

This morning I woke up at 3:45am (it's now 5:30am). I knew by how alert my mind was that I probably wasn't going to be falling back to sleep, even though I had over 2 hours before the alarm sounded. I tried laying in different positions, nothing is comfortable for very long. I tried quieting my mind, which means I only thought of work, cleaning + organizing, other future obligations, and of course spiders lurking in the shadows of my room.


It took me about 30 minutes before I decided to pray. At first I prayed for sleep. Then I thought I should pray for God to either give me rest of talk to me in the stillness of our house. I instantly thought "Do everything without complaining." I knew I needed to hear this because I had just whispered how long I'd been awake to Ben who was most likely not awake at all. Not remembering the book or verse I resolved to look it up...after I got the sleep I deserved, which didn't come.


Then I started to think about following Jesus, what it means to me and why I shouldn't be so quick to whine and complain even if I'm fully justified in doing so. The following thought came to me, a bit jumbled at first, I thought about it over and over until it came more clearly.


-Following Jesus isn't about adhering to a set of religious rules. - Following Jesus is about learning how to love others and spread the good news of amazing grace. -


I considered getting up to write it down, but then I thought of a million reasons not to. "I should really try to sleep." and "I may wake the rest of the house." I lay there a bit longer and tried again to clear my mind and fall asleep. After another 10 minutes I finally go up and headed to the living room. I wrote down what I had heard. Then I sat at the computer and pulled up today's Bible reading through our church's website. I scrolled down to the New Testament passage, Philippians 2.


I thought God must have been speaking to me about following Jesus when I read the first paragraph:


"¹ Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 ⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus..."

Then I knew God had been speaking to me when I read further:

"¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing..."

It's often difficult to find quiet times to listen for God's voice. I let it get drowned out by all kinds of noise, both literal and figurative. I put what I think I need (sleep) over what God knows I need. So I'm going to trust God to get me through the morning because a little lost sleep is surely worth hearing His voice in the stillness.

Thankful on a Thursday: the miracle of growth

Sometimes the day to day things just stop me in my tracks. These days I'm just in awe over how people grow + change. I'm not talking about something deeply spiritual or intellectual here, I'm referring to literal physical growth.

The day we found out I was pregnant I looked over photos from my pregnancy with Malakai and was amazed all over again at how my body changed and grew to adapt to his needs. It seems to go ever so slowly, but just think about how quick 9 months is in the span of an average lifetime.

{I have to do this again?!}

When I held sweet baby boy Justice for the first time yesterday, I thought about Malakai's birth-day. 

Malakai was slightly smaller and just 19 months later it's already hard to remember him being so very tiny. 

{9 days old}

{19 months old}

He has grown 10 inches and gained 20lbs in just a year and a half. Yet, when he sleeps like this, he's still my sweet little baby boy. It never ceases to amaze me the way God created our bodies to go through such rapid change. 

Ben's cousin had her second baby boy, Elijah, on the 7th of this month (1 of 6 February babies in our circle of family + friends). He was about 6 weeks early. At first he seemed to be doing just fine for being premature, but sadly a heart defect was discovered. He was moved to another hospital for surgery and more specialized care. His recovery has been going smoothly, considering. What is getting his parents through this is that their first son, Caleb, was born early as well. He didn't have a heard defect, but Ben's cousin, Elija's mom,  does...the exact same issue, and it's not known to be hereditary. 

God has an amazing way of preparing us for life's challenges. If you're the praying type, please lift up baby Elijah and his parents. 

I started this blog 2 years ago as of the 13th, it started out about the changes our lives were about to go through on the journey to becoming parents but has become so much more. I'm still in awe at how life changes so quickly and hope to continue to embrace it all the way through. 

This week I'm thankful for...

511. Answered prayer.

512. child-like wonder.

513. the miracle of pregnancy + birth.

514. very little nausea (so far) in this pregnancy

515. the outpouring of support when we announced our big news

516.  healing.

517. steady income.

518. perspective.

519. seeing one of my very best friends become a mother.

520. the encouragement from all my readers, especially those who have been here since I started. 

What are you thankful for?

How have you experienced that child-like wonder lately? What leaves you in awe?

Thankful on a Thursday: Happy Christmas

Tomorrow we have the first of many Christmas celebrations. We are so excited to get together with family + spend time giving thanks for the birth of our Saviour. I'm really looking forward to giving gifts, and watching Malakai really dig in to opening presents and interacting with everyone.

We are so blessed right now.

This past Sunday the speaker at church said that at any given time 1/3 of the congregation is going through a storm, 1/3 is heading out of one, and the other 1/3 is about to experience one. Yet, instead of being overwhelmed about this,  we should embrace the storms because they bring about change. He later closed his message by saying "When God brings you to nothing, it's never to destroy you. Its to change your perspective."

I hope I'm able to remember those words and keep that outlook next time I encounter a storm in life.


This week I'm thankful for...

431. Ben coming home early, thus starting our long weekend!

432. no lines when we paid our visit to Santa last week, even though Kai wasn't too thrilled.

433. financial peace at a time of year that can be so stressful.

434. having so many of our loved ones close by.

435. houses lit up from the outside in.

436. modern medicine- Ben has bronchitis which results in a persistent cough. He was prescribed cough suppressant pills and they work like a miracle!

437. hot chocolate + candy canes

438. the ability to watch my son learn + grow every day.

439. the 23 Christmas cards we've received. I love getting mail and reading everyone's yearly letters!

440. the birth of Jesus Christ.

What are you thankful for this Christmas? I encourage you to take a break from your holiday preparations + reflect on that. De-stress and know that you are well loved.

Happy Happy Christmas everyone! I'll be back on Monday.

Thankful on a Thursday: Breaking New Ground, again

Life is hitting a busy season for us again. I'm trying to remember if it actually ever slowed down. Either way, we've definitely got a lot more going on right now that we usually do. Only half of which is related to the holiday hustle + bustle.

The biggest change, that I've been alluding to all week, is that I took on a new job! It happened quite suddenly and unexpectedly over the last couple of weeks. Starting this past Sunday I am now the Nursery Director at our church. It's part time + I have the ability to do most of the job from home so I can still stay home with Malakai + provide daycare with the kiddos I'm currently watching. There are a lot of changes taking place, and I'm so excited for what God has planned.

Despite the "go, go, go" we've still taken time to do what matters to us most, spend time with each other, especially our ever changing son.

This week I'm thankful for

421. Malakai's developing love for books.

422. God's provision in the most unexpected ways.

423. Malakai finally recovering from a lingering sickness.

424. nakey-time

{Kai climbed into Daddy's lap before bathtime, LOVE this photo}

425. getting our Christmas cards in the mail! They turned out so good (I'll share them here once they've been mailed out).

426. making progress in our independent eating adventures

427. making progress on our Christmas shopping. ALMOST done!

428. Elmo/Cuddle time in the mornings.

429. a husband who cares so much about what I want to do for my birthday that he struggles to pull off a surprise. Better luck next year love!

430. a break in the rain + a morning at the park.

What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful on a Thursday: quiet time.

I rarely take time to sit in the quiet. Mornings are usually "get up + go", I fill naptime with chores + internet noise, and by the evening I want to soak up as much of my boys together as I can before bedtime or we have something else going on, then Ben + I spend time watching our favorite shows or catching each other up on the day.

This morning I usually have a mom's meeting at church, but it got cancelled. I was planning on sleeping in, and did a bit but Ben woke me up to say goodbye and I couldn't fall back asleep. At first I was grumpy, but then I realized the opportunity I had while Malakai still snoozed in the next room.

Usually we read the Bible together before bed, it's the least hectic time of the day. Sometimes when I have a moment in the morning, I don't take it because I want to read with Ben that evening. This morning, I realized I needed some quiet time, alone. The Lord knew this and provided time for me to fix my breakfast + sit down with my Bible before Malakai woke up.

This week I'm thankful for...

371. a quiet moment that allowed me to listen to the words of Truth.

372. the strange day that turned into an unexpected blessing (check my mister's blog later this afternoon for more info.) and the excitement on Ben's face.

373. the rustling sound of a teeny (well not so teeny anymore) body down the hall. 

374. taking on new responsibilities with excitement + great anticipation for what the future holds.

375. being nominated for a blog award. I'm so humbled by the support I've received. 

376. a clean + organized house...for now. 

377. watching my son learn + develop his unique personality. 

378. fellowship with friends, old + new. 

379. the contentment found in what I've already been blessed with, that replaces the world's noise of "more more more" 

380. an upcoming weekend with little planned. 

What are you thankful for this week?