Summer 2016: Malakai's Tonsillectomy

If you know us personally or follow us on social media then you know our sweet first born had surgery a little over a month ago. He had his tonsils + adenoids removed. The surgeon also removed his ear tubes that had been placed in June 2015 but had not come out on their own like they were supposed to.

Malakai has a tendency to get worked up about things, making them a bigger problem than they are. This is usually the case if he is afraid of something whether it be an imaginary thing or the fear of punishment for something he did or was perceived to have done. It is a difficult road some days but with Ben by my side (and our fantastic counselor) we are helping him to get a better handle on it. He has made a lot of progress over the last few months. 

So when his pediatrician and then his ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat specialist) both mentioned the idea of surgery back in the winter/spring when he had reoccuring strep throat, my first thought was how it would impact him emotionally. Would he be afraid? Would he worry about it constantly? How would we move forward to help him through these intense emotions? Imagine our surprise when he was able to focus on the positives (ice cream for a week) and not even really mention the potentially worrisome aspects. It helped that he could remember his ear tube surgery well enough to know what to expect out of anesthesia and recovery, but it had been long enough that he didn't remember the painful part. We were simultaniously proud of him and thankful to God for providing this peace. 

We scheduled his surgery for after his birthday at a time when our calendars were clear enough that we could both focus on taking care of him and he wouldn't be missing any of the big events he'd been looking forward to over the summer (see previous post for a list of all the fun we've been having!). Then when we had his pre-op about 3 weeks prior to his scheduled surgery date we started to question whether the procedure was necessary. He was healthy and we had the option to "wait and see" which basically means he could outgrow getting sick all the time but we'd have to go through a cold and flu season to find out. Were we willing to risk him still needing surgery in the fall/winter when he'd miss school? Would we be able to actually find a time to schedule it if he was constantly sick? Would our health insurance still cover it if we waited? I literally wrote out a list of the pros and cons of either option and they were totally equal, both in number of things I came up with and the weight they carried. 

We prayed a lot and talked a lot about what we should do. We asked others for prayer and advice. At one point we had said we would be cancelling his surgery, but then I took a glance at his throat and it was red. He had an episode of ear pain during our 4th of July camping trip but not since then, still I thought we should have him looked at just in case. We saw a doctor at his pediatrician's office who confirmed he did have an ear infection and prescribed him antibiotics. One challenge with him is that he has allergy/sensitivity to 2 very common antibiotics, making him hard to treat. This is part of the reason he was put on the road to a tonsillectomy in the first place as his strep throat was very difficult to get rid of. Thankfully this time he didn't have strep. The doctor told us that she could see good reason to do the surgery but would also support a decision to "wait and see". She then referred us back to the ENT to check out his ear and also determine if he could have the surgery if he was getting sick. His ENT was out of the office so by the time he had seen Kai his ear infection was gone. He said because of his history he was still a candidate for surgery, he would never recommend surgery for a child if it was unnecessary, but that we could wait and see if we wanted. However he did say if he's getting an ear infection and cold symptoms in the summer that the likely-hood he'd struggle in the fall/winter again was high. I told him I just needed someone to tell me whether or not we should do the surgery, and he told us he thought we should do it. 

So Ben and I took everything into consideration and decided that it would benefit Malakai's future health to go ahead an have the procedure done. It was a simultaneous sense of relief to have a decision made, but also panic as his surgery was just a week away at that point and I felt totally unprepared. I woke at 3am that night worrying about all the things we had left to take care of. We didn't have anyone ready to watch Desmond and Aurelia so we could both be with Malakai at the surgery center, we didn't have the right groceries to support his limited diet during recovery, we didn't have the pain medicine prescribed by his doctor yet... I did my best to give these concerns to the Lord and he really did show up, everything fell into place and then some. We had friends and family offering to bring meals and balloons and you would not imagine the number of popsicles we stuffed into our freezers.

We made sure to do a lot of fun things that week since he would have to be very stationary for the two weeks after. He got to jump on the trampoline at his grandparents', we took him and Desmond to their very first theather movie (Finding Dory) and we focused on his 7th birthday. We let him ride his new scooter late that night to make sure he got a chance to try it out. 

The day before his procedure we received a call with his surgery time. He wouldn't be checking in until 8:45 and his surgery wouldn't be until 9:45. I was dreading a long morning of having to keep him from eating and drinking. We kept him up late so he could have a snack prior to the midnight cut off and we kept spirits high by making a batch of homemade vanilla ice cream together. 

The next morning Malakai only showed one small moment of worry when he got into the car and said "I'm not so sure I want to go to magic sleepy town today" (this is our way of explaining going under general anesthesia that we had made up the previous summer when he was having ear tubes placed). We talked it over and then he was totally fine, dreaming of ice cream for dinner. During our wait he played some games and read a book. Everything was very prompt, he got back to be admitted quickly and fairly easily. He wasn't a fan of the hair covering but he complied after a few chats about why it was necessary and seeing the nurses wearing them as well. He went under anesthesia easily but for some reason I teared up, which I have every time I've seen him go under. Something about it is just the slightest bit unsettling.

I went back to Ben in the admission area and we walked out to the waiting room together where my dad was. I text family and friends that he was in surgery and we chatted casually. He was done in about 20 minutes, his surgeon said everything went perfectly but "now you have the hard part" in reference to navigating his recovery. We waited another 15 minutes or so before the recovery nurse called us back. Malakai was still asleep and she encouraged us to let him wake naturally. She started to chat with us about his recovery when he coughed and began to wake up. His dry and barky cough was startling. The nurse said it was likely a symptom of his being intubated and that getting him to drink, putting an ice pack on his throat and giving him anti-inflammatory meds would help that get better faster. I can't imagine how uncomfortable it had to be to cough after a throat surgery. He was a bit disoriented and didn't really say anything at first but he came out of anesthesia very calmly. He did say he had some pain so the before removing his IV she gave him a dose of pain medicine in it and made sure his IV fluids finished up so he was well hyrdated from the start. He requested a popsicle, and another before we left. They also gave him a dose of liquid ibuprofen.

She talked us through his discharge and recovery instructions, writing down most of it. She made sure to tell Malakai that he could not run or ride his bike for two weeks, he needed to avoid anything that would cause him to breath heavily. He turned to Ben and I and said "I don't think I should go to swimming lessons" with such sweet concern in his temporarily higher pitched voice. We assured him that he would miss a few sessions until he was all healed up. My responsible little kiddo.

We carried him out to the car and I sat with him in the back of the van to make sure I was within reach if he needed anything during the trip home. We said goodbye to G'Pa and made our way back. The entire process was only about 4 hours. When we came home we settled him into bed and he wanted to eat more popsicles right away. We made sure he had plenty of cold water at all times and I set up several little stations to make aiding him easier. He would be staying in our bedroom so I could sleep next to him for a few nights, Ben would be in the bottom bunk in the boys' room and Des would be in the top bunk. Kai had a tv tray next to the bed with a plastic tray of medicines and droppers, a bell to ring if he needed something (although he had someone by his side constantly for the first day and a half), his water, some books and the tv remote. We set up a humidifier on the night stand next to him as well to help with that barky cough.

I set up an app on my phone called "dosecast" that helped me keep track of when to give him medicine but I also kept a paper record. The app alerted me of when he was due a dose of something but the hard copy helped for having a longer history of what we had given him and when. He was on a hydrocodone and we were alternating doses of ibuprofen based on the discharge instructions which meant waking up that night every 3 hours then 1 hour on a rotating basis. It wasn't until the next day we consulted a nurse at his pediatrician's office about his pain medicines and found out that we could give him both at the same time which meant I only had to get up every 4 hours. Having him in our room made that part easier but it was still tiring. None of the exhaustion mattered as long as he was doing well.

Ben had taken the day of surgery off but needed to work from home the rest of the week. It was a nice compromise between him being able to get work done but also be here to help as needed. Malakai was really needy those first couple of days so I spent a lot of time at his side which meant Ben was on duty to care for Desmond and Aurelia much of the day.

On day two of his recovery my aunt brought us dinner and there was macaroni and cheese as a side. Malakai wanted to eat some so we let him try it (his surgeon had said it would be fine to let him eat softer solid foods as soon as he wanted) and he ate a small bowl of it. We were shocked and very excited that he was willing to eat. He was doing great at eating and staying hydrated, which were our main concerns about his recovery. Our secondary concern was managing his pain which we felt like was going well...until it wasn't.

We went by the discharge paperwork and started to give him less of the narcotic pain medicine on day 4 which ended up being a disaster as that was his most painful day. We tried again a couple days later with mixed results. He did great during the day, he was able to tell us his pain level and it wasn't so bad with less and less medicine but one night he was inconsolable and we couldn't get him to take his medicine. By that time he was back in his room but on the bottom bunk. When we tried to give him his dose of medicine before we went to bed he sort of freaked out and refused to take it, he was acting so strangely it was really quite scary. Ben spoke to a nurse and she said it sounded like night terrors. She was totally right, we have experienced night terrors before but being so caught up in recovery and pain management we were thinking it was something related to those things, especially since it was happening when he was due a dose of medicine. She did say it could be his narcotic pain meds causing him to sleep so deeply he wasn't waking fully but it was unlikely since he was having less of them. He had another night terror the following night but it went by much faster because we knew how to handle it, thankfully he hasn't had any since.

We weren't able to really start letting him sleep through the night without pain meds until closer to 7 days this was around when we were able to start giving him less medicine during the day. About 10 days later we were just giving him medicine when he asked for it, which was usually by the end of the day just before bed. By the full two weeks he was off medicines completely and able to play normally again. During those two weeks he watched a lot of tv, played on the ipad, read books, played some minecraft on the xbox with Ben and Desmond and had a lot of caring visitors who brought him things to do and eat and even brought meals for the rest of us. We felt very well taken care of which was so valuable in allowing us to focus on taking care of him.

Near the end of the 2 weeks we eased him back into being out of the house and expending more energy. He would usually self regulate his activity level. Even when he was outdoors he did a lot of stationary activities. 

Unfortunately Desmond and Aurelia both struggled a bit with the shift in routine. Desmond really had a hard time with Malakai getting to eat jello and popsicles all day even though he usually had a popsicle once a day as well. It was hard for him to not keep score but it was a good lesson for him. The hardest part was being torn in my giving attention to all the kids. Aurelia really wanted to be with mama a lot. We let them come snuggle up with us as much as possible but a lot of the time it just didn't work out. Aurelia was very clingy to me as things started to go back to normal, it has only just recently gotten better.

Malakai was so brave and relatively easy to care for through out the whole thing. Even with the few rough moments I am just so thankful for how smoothly things went compared to how it could have gone. I was told several stories of other very difficult recoveries with complicaitons so I was prepared for the worst while hoping for the best. We are happy we made the decision to have Malakai's tonsils removed, at this point he isn't snoring at night and seems better rested during the day because of it. I think it is safe to say he no longer has sleep apnea, now we will just be praying it helps him stay healthier during cold season!

I would be happy to pass along any tips and tricks if you find yourself with a kiddo facing this procedure. Everyone recovers differently of course but it was helpful for me to be aware of possible outcomes. I gathered information and experiences from other parents before and during recovery. We are just so blessed by our little community both locally and through the internet. 

First Day of School, 2015

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around both of my boys starting school today. Desmond for the very first time. So far we have homeschooled the "Pre-K" year and then our kids go to a local school for Kindergarten on up. This saves us money on those Preschool years and gets me using my teaching degree. It was a challenge when I first homeschooled Malakai because I was doing all the lesson planning while juggling everything else and halfway through the year I was pretty sick while newly expecting Aurelia.  We've lived and learned and are trying something new this year with Desmond. We are using a homeschool curriculum called Sonlight recommended by a handful of friends. Everything is planned out for me and it's largely book-based, which we love. I didn't have to do any late night planning while the kids slept, I didn't have to stress when Aurelia was a challenge at nap time and only napped half an hour because everything was ready for us when we were able to get to it.

My plan of action for having a kiddo in full-day school away from home is to prep as much as possible the night before. Malakai has his routines written out and posted (I started this to motivate him to wear clothing when he was a 3 year old and it just stuck). His clothes are put out, his lunch and snack for the next day (or two) are packed and ready, his backpack is stocked and set out and we are ready to roll for the following morning.

The hardest part is waking up at 6am after being up several times the night before. Aurelia's constant teething (she's working on her 8th) and frequent ear infections have trained her to frequently wake and need comforted back to sleep. However, even with a lack of good solid sleep, waking up before the kids really feels great in terms of being able to get myself ready for the day before needing to help them get breakfast and move forward with their to-do's.

It was so nice feeling like we got ready on time and even out the door early. We took some pictures with our cute little signs and loaded up the beloved mini-van. All of my good feelings unraveled when I had to navigate walking 3 kids 2 blocks with a vase full of flowers in one hand and a heavy bag of school supplies in the other while pushing a stroller and making sure the boys didn't get hit by a car because there were no sidewalks. Thankfully I kept my composure and we all lived to see the 1st grade. Malakai sorted out his supplies into the marked boxes (I'm so thankful he loves stuff like that) and disappeared into his classroom. Desmond gave the flowers to Kai's teacher because Malakai was too shy and then I lost him. I figured he was fine for a moment so I could at least say goodbye to Malakai, who didn't want a hug. Des was getting in to the toys, of course, and I'm just ever so thankful he didn't tantrum about not getting to stay and play with them.

We made it out the door, chatted with some friends on our way and headed home. Desmond said he didn't want to do "preschool home" yet which was fine because it was 9 am and I hadn't even had coffee yet. He played sweetly while I got Aurelia down for a late morning nap and we had 30 minutes to ourselves to go over our memory verse, days of the week, a few stories and work book time before she woke up again. By then he was asking for more and more school work. Thankfully I have a few extra workbooks that are only 90% colored by Malakai so he was able to hunt for some pages to finish while I prepared lunch.

It was odd to have Malakai gone for so many hours, but somehow they just flew by and it was nearly time to pick him up. We played together, the 3 of us and the house was eerily quiet for early afternoon.

Ben came home early so he could greet Kai at pick up since he wasn't able to make drop off. When we saw him he looked a little pale and a lot tired. He said he didn't feel well because he went in circles too fast on the tire swing. We sat in the shade for a bit while Des played on the play ground. I chatted with his teacher and he perked up enough to play a bit and cooperate for a few more first-day photos before we headed home and vegged out for their daily ration of screen-time.

{not feeling so hot}

 {got his groove back}

{annual photo by the pillars}

All in all, first day of school conquered. Hope yours went well too!

from the drafts: Surgery

I'm SO behind on updating around here. I miss sharing what our family is up to in more than the snippets instagram posts provide. The busier we've been, the more I wanted to update, and the more back logged this place was and thus goes the vicious circle. I'm finally sitting down to break the silence, amidst the busyness, I'm taking a moment to update. First I'm publishing this post that has been sitting in my drafts all summer. I have photos buried deep somewhere but if I go digging for them this will never get published, so here's the details without all the cuteness to offset...

____Originally written Jun 17th, 2015______

Yesterday Malakai had his much anticipated ear tube procedure. My sister stayed the night so she could be here that morning to stay with Desmond and Aurelia while Ben and I took Kai in. Check in was supposed to be an hour before the procedure but it turned into 2 hours. Thankfully Malakai was in great spirits and we got through the waiting period pretty easily. He had talked previously about being excited to wear the mask and go to sleep, so we went with that and pumped it up to sound amazing. Once we got to that point the anesthesiologist put the mask on pretty abruptly and Malakai's eyes got big with shock. I am so glad I was there to soothe him and that he was able to calmly go under. 

After he was asleep I walked back to Ben who was waiting in pre-Op, took off the hospital gown, we walked to the waiting room where I sent a few texts to relatives that he was in surgery. I ran to the restroom, came back and started to chat with Ben when the surgeon came out to tell us he was finished. The procedure literally took him 5 minutes. Another 10 minutes and we were called back to see Malakai. The nurse said he quietly opened his eyes and just said a quiet yes when asked if he wanted his parents. He was a little dizzy and pretty hungry, but came out of the anesthesia so smoothly that all we had to wait for to go home was him finishing his popsicles that they promised him. 

Honestly the hardest part of the whole thing was afterward when he had to slowly ease into consuming clear fluids before he could have solid food. He hadn't eaten since dinner the night before so he was very hungry. I'm so glad he had an appetite, but it's not fun to tell your hungry kiddo he can't eat (over and over again). We watched a couple movies to distract him from his hunger and relax a while. 

Mima came to visit and brought jello and painting books. The jello was great because it sort of tricked him into thinking he was eating, but technically it was still "clear fluids". The painting gave him and Des something quiet to do besides watching tv. Then Grandma and Grandpa came by with smoothies and by then we eased him into eating with some crackers. They also brought Legos, which provided more quiet activity for a while. Second to not letting him eat, getting Malakai to rest was quite challenging. He wanted to bounce around on the couch and just get up and play. I recall the same thing when he had his first surgery 3 years ago. 

Thankfully he slept really well all night and woke feeling pretty good. We even went to my Bible study this morning and he played just like normal with the other kids. I'm hopeful that the tubes will be what he needs to keep him from having ear infection and after ear infection.


_______

Update: As of today, September 8th, 2015, Malakai had a happy and healthy summer with no complications! We are so thankful and hopeful for a fall and winter without ear infection drama for him. 

Malakai: 5 1/2

I haven't posted an update on Malakai since he started school (he already looks so much older!). I remember when he was just a baby I would do monthly updates on what he was learning and how he was developing. Obviously additional kiddos and other life changes keep me from blogging as much as I did those days, but I want to be sure to document their milestones as much as I can.

Malakai technically turned 5 1/2 in January. These photos were taken December 30th (by b.lovely photography). Since then he has lost his bottom two front teeth and has another loose one!

The biggest leap Malakai has made in the last few months is in reading. He had some sight words down before starting Kindergarten and as soon as he started school more concepts just started to click. He is so very interested in school that for a while he would do his nightly homework sheet and then make up additional "homework" for himself. At one point he was getting pretty burnt out and frustrated and we had to talk about taking a break from "school work" to make sure he was playing!

A few months ago I grabbed The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverley Cleary to read aloud to Malakai and Desmond. Malakai would constantly beg to read it himself, and I would remind him that it's good for him to be read to as well. Plus, there were quite a few longer and more difficult words and concepts in the book so I didn't want to induce any additional frustrations. Once we finished it I handed it to him and said he could read it if he wanted. He devoured the entire book (13 chapeters, 158 pages with a few small pictures here and there) in 2 days time. What surprised me the most was that when he comes to a big word that he doesn't know immediately he sounds it out as best he can and just keeps on going. What truly blew me away was when I handed him the next book, Ralph S. Mouse, without pre-reading it to him and he finished it even faster. Same number of pages, and he could recount the story to me. Words can't express how proud I am that he is reading so fluently and comprehending it all as well! I'm so glad he can read to himself whenever he wants, it's the perfect outlet when he's feeling more introverted.

His social skills are certainly maturing and he's picking up on subtle cues, some good...some not so great. There are moments when he'll say something to me with an impatient attitude and that just does not work for me! We've had more talks recently about how to speak respectfully and make sure that we are kind and treating people how we would want them to treat us. I can hardly believe I'm already into this stage of parenting, it's so fun but it's so much more complicated!

When it comes to his siblings, he is definitely the rule keeper. He surely matches all the tendencies of an oldest child. He and Desmond are the best of friends but can also fight pretty easily...brothers. When it comes to Aurelia he just can't get enough. His face lights up to see her when she wakes up in the morning and when he's home from school. He loves to hold her and play with her and if he finds a way to make her laugh he won't stop performing for her.

Malakai and Ben are such a sweet pair. Malakai loves to help out and beams if he ever gets the chance to work on a project with daddy or spend special one on one time with him. He loves to help in the yard or with putting things together, like a piece of furniture or a new toy.

I'm cherishing that he is still little enough to snuggle up with me on the couch and read together or to needs and want a hug or a kiss when he's hurt, sad, and before bed.

All in all my Malakai has such a sweet heart and is so good natured. I'm totally blessed by him and so proud to be his mama.


>>all photos by the talented b.lovely photography<<

Off to School: Malakai's 1st day of Kindergarten

I've been so anxious about today for weeks. I was fearful that I would be in labor or stuck waiting to be discharged from the hospital after giving birth when Malakai's 1st day of school arrived. For a long time I convinced myself I would be okay but it built up and I realized it was just as okay to be sad about the possibility of missing such a big milestone. An even bigger step for us than some because we've homeschooled up until now. Malakai has never gone to day care or preschool outside of the home. For years he has attended church between 1-3 times a week and this summer he went to a week of VBS and Day camp, but school is so much bigger!

Nobody thought that I would still be pregnant at this point, we were convinced we'd have a newborn on his first day of school. Although I have been almost as anxious to meet our little girl, I am pretty relieved that I was able to focus on Malakai so intently for his first school experience.  He was so ready to go. Daddy was even able to take a little time off work to see him off...

{this kiddo LOVES green!}

Desmond was just as excited about seeing Malakai off to school, of course he had to wear a back pack too! 

We got to the school early enough to take a few pictures around the buildings

{this boy's facial expressions are just darling to me}

He kept asking, "can we go to my class now?!" but we were still early so we waited outside and took some more photos until the teacher came and let us in. Malakai sweetly listened to instructions of what to do first and excitedly followed through...

Once we unloaded his school supplies and found his cubby we said our goodbye's so he could go do his "morning jobs". We each gave him a squeeze and headed out the door. Not a tear was shed, we were all just so happy and excited for our big boy today. 

And my big Kindergartener was just as thrilled about school before and after class... He talked on and on about the things they did and the kids he met. When he went to VBS and Day camp this summer it was like pulling teeth trying to find out what he learned and what he did, so I was pretty shocked at his eagerness to share his experience. 

I'm so happy for him and this big milestone! Happy 1st day of school Malakai!

It's good to be 5

My first born is 5 years old. It's still sinking in...if you couldn't tell. If I think of it in terms of having been a parents for 5 years, or that it's been 5 whole years since he was a tiny newborn...I just can't wrap my mind around it. They tell you it goes by fast, and I know adding baby sister to our family will only speed the clock up, but wow has it flown past us!

Malakai counted down to his birthday for at least 2 weeks leading up to it. He was just so excited to be 5 and once the day came he was mostly looking forward to our traditional breakfast at the Original Pancake House... I can't blame him! When we asked how it felt to be 5 or what he thought about it, his reply was always "good".

I love watching my kids grow into the people God has created them to be. I love watching them learn and I love learning about them. They are always so interesting to me.

Ben + I are discovering that Malakai is mildly introverted. It's not so intense that he has trouble in social situations, but he does get overloaded by them. He does some times get overwhelmed, especially when he doesn't know what to expect. He went to his first vacation Bible school earlier this summer. It was tough at first, but on the last day he asked if he could come back next week. He's also really looking forward to day camp next month and is already in love with Camp Harlow. Something that his daddy is very happy about (Ben has a long history with Harlow).

{directing the camera or acting a little camera shy}

Over the last 5 months since we took Malakai to Kindergarten orientation he has gone from being extremely hesitant to super excited about starting school this fall. I know that my chore seeking, craft loving, project obsessed little boy is going to adore school. It is my prayer that he excels but is not bored and that he blooms socially. I'm so thankful that we've had him in so many social programs, the most of which has been being at church 3 times a week for the past year. I know they have helped prepare him for going off to school since we did all his pre schooling at home. I'm also thrilled that he will be heading to public school with Christ in his heart, something he will surely need to cling to when things get hard. As his mama I want to protect him from anything that might hurt him, but I know that he will learn and thrive in doing for himself and leaning not on his own understanding but that of the Lord, who is always with him. I'm comforted and strengthened knowing he has that foundation to build on.

As I mentioned, Malakai is always asking for projects. Every day he asks if I "have something for us to do together." Most of the time he'd prefer a craft or a constructive type toy (legos, and other building toys are right up his ally at the moment), but sometimes he'll settle for something simple like helping clean up or coloring. He also loves work books, dot to dots and mazes are a new favorite. He's learning to play board games like Connect Four and he always wants to help daddy build things. He has been helping his Grandpa Ron build a cabin in their back yard and loving it. He's also learning to cast on his very own fishing pole with G'Pa Jim. He wants to do it all!

Over the last few weeks Kai has really come into his big brother role. He seems to have grown up overnight to want to protect and lead his brother and nurture his little sister. He is so curious about babies and loves to ask questions about his brand new cousin Luke. He can't wait for his sister to get here. Kai does not like surprises, so when we tell him that her name will be a birth day surprise he has gotten upset to the point of tears. This boy just wants to know everything there is to know.

This morning he had his well check and he was amazing. I'm honestly impressed by his bravery. We talked about shots a few days ago and again today, he wasn't happy about it. This would be the first time he's had shots in his arm. I don't think he's had any immunization or other needs for shots since he was 3! When the time came he winced and said it hurt but no tears, no fits, and he's totally fine. Even I tend to whine for a few hours afterwards!

He's taking after me so far in all of his 41 inches (9th percentile) but is a sturdy kid for looking so skinny at 44lbs (73rd percentile). He's developing right on track, the whole appointment was a breeze.

I'm so blessed by my sweet family and today I'm especially thankful for my new 5 year old Malakai Benson and the privilege it is to be his mama.

and now to compare...

I love comparing my boys, mostly in looks. I try not to compare them to each other developmentally, but I can't help but look back at photos of Kai when he was Desmond's age.

Here are some comparison photos of them on their 2nd birthdays, wearing the same shirt thanks to daddy :)

<<< Malakai + Desmond >>>

People are always saying they look like twins, or those who knew Kai at a younger age are marveling at how Desmond looks like he did. While I think they have similarities, I mostly see their differences. I can definitely see more of Ben in Malakai and more of me in Desmond. While my husband's genes are strong and also pretty prevalent in Desmond, Des has my nose and dimples and strongly resembles the men on my side of the family when they were boys. Kai just has my chin dimple, much cuter on him than me!

Watching these boys grow is such a joy!

I love being 4!

A few days ago we started counting how many more "sleeps" until Malakai's 4th Birthday. It was an easy way to put it in to terms he could understand and he enjoyed talking about how his birthday was getting closer each time we went to bed and woke up.

Last night Ben + I put streamers over his doorway to surprise him when he woke this morning. For my own amusement I made this little sign.

{4-year-old in progress. Do not disturb until 7.16 @7:20am}

 I also put a happy birthday sign across the hall that he'd see when he came out. When he woke up I stood in the hallway to watch his reaction. He poked his head around the corner, looked at me with a smile and said "what is this?". Once I explained it was a surprise for his birthday, he kept saying "I love my surprise!" He also said "I love being 4" and my personal favorite "Can I be 4 all the time?"

We headed out as soon as we could for our traditional birthday breakfast at the Original Pancake House. We started going for each of the boy's birthdays on Kai's 2nd birthday. It was a fun way to commemorate the day, start a tradition, and include daddy in the fun when it was a workday. 

The best part is having pictures of the same scenes but just a year later. Like Malakai and his straw. Last year it was a bit of a new thing to get a cup with a straw at a restaurant. This year he was a pro. 

It was apparent this year how engrained our tradition has become. Malakai sat down, looked at the menu and then promptly addressed our waitress "excuse me, I would like pancakes with a candle in a strawberry please." We are not restaurant goers, the boys get to get out to eat maybe 5 times a year, maximum. 

The boys enjoy coloring while we wait. They are pretty good at waiting on their food. 

{Malakai wrote out the alphabet twice on the back of his sheet after eating}

The best part is watching him get the birthday stack and blow out the candle after we sing...

The excitement I captured when he was 2 will probably always be my favorite. That picture is still my desktop background on my laptop. Pure joy. 

I'm also quite surprised at how little he has seemed to change from 3 years old to 4 years old. I think he did most of his growing in his legs this past year. He and Des are both quite "leggy" these days. 

We went on a handful of adventures after breakfast (see photos on Instagram!). We stopped at Skinner's Butte Park, then Eugene Public Library- after which Kai claimed to be very tired, so we headed home and after lunch let Kai veg out in front of a show while Des napped, then we took him outside to finger paint and he played with the neighbor boys. Once Desmond was up we walked over to the park near our house, after some play time we came home and read library books for over an hour. Everyone was really worn out so we let Kai pick a movie to watch, he picked Mary Poppins and we watched half before and half after dinner. Then we sang happy birthday and ate green cake in the shape of a 4. Baths, stories, bedtime and the day quickly came to a close. 

While Malakai finger painted outside I did ask him a few questions as sort of a "yearly interview". Lately he's not really into answering questions. His favorite reply is "nothing"...which I don't find all that amusing. I'll ask him what he did in Sunday school, what he wants to eat, etc and if he's not in the mood that's the answer I get. That, or he'll answer with whatever is around him...which is how this interview turned out...

Malakai, on your 4th birthday {interviewed by mama, while sitting under a tree + finger-painting}

What is your name? Malakai 

How old are you? 4

What is your favorite thing to do? (several "nothings") paint. 

What do you want to be when you grow up? painter. (he's such a stinker. later he said "I don't want to grow up."

What is your favorite food? pancakes.

Who do you like to spend time with? Charlie + Jacob (the neighbor boys, he was facing their house at the time...see what I mean?)

What do you do really well? (he had moved on from painting and was hitting the ground with a stick) bamming bees and spiders. 

What makes you laugh? When someone tickles me, like you or daddy. 

What is the best time of day? rest time, when I get to play.

What are you afraid of? stinky breath trees (I have no idea)

Who is your best friend? Charlie and Jacob. (these kids are 6 and 8 years old and he rarely plays with them, haha.)

What do you like to do with your family? play chalk.

What do you love to learn about? Trees and stuff. 

Where do you like to go? The restaurant to eat pancakes. 

What is your favorite book? Jake and The Pirates (a book from Grandma Debbie)

If you had one wish, what would it be? a tree to be big and giant. 

So, in retrospect, I should have asked these over breakfast when he wasn't so tired. Still, his answers are a funny snapshot and for me that's the point. Now here are a couple more things about Malakai according to mama...

Favorite colors: green and brown, in that order. 

He loves to play at the park, with puzzles, and listen to music. His favorites are the Jake and the Neverland Pirates soundtrack and Owl City. 

He picked his birthday party theme this year- "Rockin' Birthday! with guitars."

He likes to watch a handful of different shows: Special Agent Oso and Fireman Sam top the list lately. If we had more seasons of Jake, he'd be all over that. 

He loves to eat cheese pizza and hamburgers. 

He enjoys a lot of books. We checked out "Blue hat, Green hat" by Sandra Boynton today and he laughed hysterically, even after a dozen or so readings in a row. 

He loves to help with dishes, laundry, washing the car, watering plants. Anything that he gets to work on with daddy. 

He loves to wear shorts and T-shirts. He isn't very fond of pants and refuses to wear any shirts with a collar or buttons, even polos. He can dress himself well, but sometimes gets too grumpy and asks for help. 

He has a list of morning routines that he loves to follow, but he'll often ask if it's okay that his bed is a little messy. It's a twin size and quite tall so he has a hard time making it totally straight, I don't mind it at all. 

He adores Nate from down the street and is more gentle with his baby brother Luke than he ever has been with is own brother. He also loves playing with Justice, Titus, Liam, Kylan, and Jacob. He is also quite sweet with Jacob's sister Kacie, who is the same age as Desmond...brothers. Most of his playmates are within a year of his age but he also really loves to play with the big kids (under our supervision of course). He has a great memory and often talks about his friends Henry and cousin Caleb who he has only played with a handful of times recently (Henry he grew up with until about 2 years old). 

Malakai knows all about letters, reads handful of sight words and is getting better at sounding out new words all the time. He is pretty eager to read, but also gets frustrated easily. He hates to be in the sun for very long and always has to wear his sunglasses or he squints like crazy. He used to be shy about playing in water but can now swim with the help of a life jacket, but he does tread water and can swim the entire length of my parents in ground pool repeatedly. 

I can't believe our boy is already 4 and I have one short year until he's off to Kindergarten. He's growing up all too fast, but I couldn't be more proud of the boy he's becoming.

Malakai: the ring-bearer

Malakai is going to be a ring bearer next month for the 2nd time. The first time was for my sister-in-law, Kristi's,  wedding back in September. It was interesting, to say the least. I don't recall if I've blogged about it specifically, but I do know I've mentioned Malakai's aversion to clothing. Recently, that has changed some, but I'll get to that later.

So prior to Kristi + Nick's wedding my mother-in-law did a fantastic job prepping him for the big day. Months before hand she talked it up. She made his vest for the big day and his wearing it was our main concern. Not only because it was a piece of clothing (because that alone, was enough to stress him out) but it was a piece of clothing different than T-shirts and shorts.

Now, I do take some responsibility for his attitude toward clothes, I did let him frolic around our house in just his undies for a very long time. I mean...doesn't everyone wish they could do that? I digress. So, when it was time to get dressed, it became a fight. It did get easier as he understood that if he wanted to go   that he'd have to get dressed. He was still picky about what it was that he wore. T-shirts and shorts and occasionally jeans. 

We spent so much time focusing on getting him to wear the vest, that we did forget about the dress pants and button-up shirt. The day before the wedding we were preparing to leave our house for the rehearsal and dinner when Malakai threw the most epic fit about wearing a polo shirt ("buttons!"). He got himself so worked up that he was irretrievable. Then, the puked. He was that upset about it. So, we let him wear whatever he wanted that day and knew to be really careful about how we approached him on the wedding day. We were all a part of the wedding and couldn't risk getting vomited on before walking down the aisle.

After a lot of running around (literally), some tears, and a lot of angry birds graham crackers this is what Malakai wore...

{why yes, that is a yellow Avengers T-shirt underneath his vest}

see, he wore the vest. The rest of the outfit, not so much.

Things have gotten better since then and it got even easier after I made him a list of daily routines, that he started to call his "projects", 3rd on the list is to get dressed.

 He doesn't ask me "where are we going" or "who's coming over" when it's time to put clothes on. He just does it, a lot of the time by himself.

{look mama, it's red, your FAVORITE!}

However, when my cousin Valeena asked me if Kai could be the ring bearer in her wedding next month I was apprehensive. Not because I didn't think he could complete the task, but because I wasn't sure what she'd want him to wear. I warned her about last time and that I'd totally understand if she'd want to back down, but she didn't. So, for this wedding he is going to wear a white T-shirt (hallelujah!), dress pants, shoes, and suspenders- all in brown. I have the shoes, the rest we'll have to work on. I do however have blue suspenders. I can't recall if they were Ben's when he was little, or perhaps my younger brother Cody's. Either way, I decided to warm him up to the idea of them and he blew me away with how curious and almost excited he was about trying something new...

How precious is he in that funky little outfit. My husband threw out the word "hipster", which Kai immediately repeated over and over again. whoops.

So here's hoping we can get him to wear the whole outfit this time around. And hey- anyone have recommendations on where to get the rest of his outfit?... especially brown suspenders?

oh yeah, potty training...

It's totally not my thing to talk about my kids and their potty training (learning, etc...whatever you want to call it). I don't particularly enjoy facebook status updates about other peoples' kids and what they've done in the toilet...so I don't share about mine.

However, I do want to talk about the process a bit for sake of keeping record (as that is the primary reason I blog) and for those wondering what it's like for others. Especially in difficult situations like ours.

A tiny bit of back story- Malakai showed interest in going potty at 18 months. (Desmond is doing the same). Unfortunately he had a hernia and we had to quit until after his surgery to correct it 5 months later. We tried again after he turned 2 but he just wasn't interested, and our pediatrician advised us that if he wasn't able to stay dry through nap time, that he wasn't physically ready anyhow. She also said that if he didn't care about being clean, we'd also be wasting our time. 2 strikes against us, so we waited.

Once Kai turned 3 we tried several times but backed off once it became a power struggle, and it always did. We did charts with stickers and treats for using the toilet. None of it lasted for more than a week. He filled up a chart with stickers for using the toilet while still in pull-ups but it went nowhere after that.

Then we went straight to underwear a few times and he did better, but the power struggle would still come into play. Another big issue is that he wouldn't want to stop playing to go potty. We tried reminders and songs and setting timers and none of it helped for long enough to matter.

I listened to an MP3 audio at the height of my frustration a couple months ago, by Love and Logic. It was only $5 and I highly recommend it. Way quicker than reading a whole book and more realistic and helpful than any blogger who promises you can train your kiddo in a weekend.

I learned to back off, use empathy when he had accidents, and let him be in control of the process. I took deep breaths through some really frustrating accidents and setbacks and loved him no matter how badly I wanted to stop spending money on pull-ups... and he did it. He owned it and is doing so great. When he did have accidents during that time we'd just simply say "what a bummer, you can help me clean that up and we can try again." or "that's too bad, maybe you aren't quite ready for underwear yet, and that's okay." Those phrases seemed to motivate him more, especially when the alternative was having to wear pull-ups during the day (he didn't always care about wearing pull-ups but finally grew to prefer underwear).

He still needs an occasional reminder or incentive, but 90% of the time he manages it himself with no problems. For incentives, I don't mean a treat or a sticker, but just simple things like "I'll get out the markers after you take a potty break!" or let's pause your show and you can finish after you go potty." Works way better than chocolate chips for us.

Next is tackling staying dry overnight. He's in pull-ups at night, even though he wants to be in underwear, because I know he's not physically ready. I let him know that he can get up to go potty any time after bed and that once he wakes up with a dry pull-up in the morning he can wear underwear the next night.

So, if you find yourself in a rut with potty training, back off...let go of control and let your kiddo show you what he/she is capable of!

brothers and playmates

Over the past couple weeks Desmond has made leaps and bounds developmentally. It's like he morphed into a toddler overnight. Not only does he act bigger, but he looks bigger. Walking around with confidence, doing big boy stuff. It is killing Ben + I that he's not a baby anymore (and no, that doesn't mean it's time for another one!).

Desmond has now mastered climbing on the couch and in the same day he walked across the couch and straight onto the end table. YIKES!

One of the best parts of watching Desmond grow up is his ability to play with Malakai. Until very recently they could play near each other, but rarely with each other. When Kai did try to play with Des, it didn't usually turn out so well for the little guy.

On Sundays after church services we feed the boys lunch in the nursery so that when they fall asleep on the drive home we don't have to wake them to feed them. We've done this since Kai was a baby. This past weekend it was just the boys and I as Ben had a meeting. Once they finished eating they played
while I cleaned up.

Kai climbed onto a rocking horse and then said he had to find one for Desmond. He grabbed the other from an adjoining room and pulled it next to his. For the next 10 minutes they were singing "ride, ride, ride, riiiiiiide!" while giggling and rocking on the horses side-by-side:

 {killer smiles}

Later that evening Kai asked to play with his spider-man car. When I brought it in I expected to have to put it away within a few minutes because he tends to get too rowdy with big toys. Instead, while he was sitting on it Desmond came up behind him and started pushing. They were both laughing so hard and spent quite some time going back and forth in the living room.

I love watching them create a bond as playmates. Malakai has finally grasped the concept of taking care of (rather than destroying) his little brother. On Monday when Des was fussing in his crib (because I was moving laundry and he's obsessed with following me into the garage), Kai sat next to him and said "It's okay, I'm here." Melt.My.Heart.

Kai's 1st ER trip...

A while back we had taken Kai in to urgent care for a sprained ankle, but we haven't had any issues since then. Saturday we had no obligations to do anything or be anywhere, so we decided to go watch the game at Ben's parents' place. When Kai got out of the car he tripped and fell onto the pavement, picked himself up and then fell again. He said he was okay and played pretty rough in the backyard afterward so we didn't worry about it.

Later the boys took a laundry basket ride through the house and almost tipped over, and Kai stretched out his arm. Then he yelled out in pain and we were frantically trying to figure out what was wrong. His arm was red and he had a small scratch so we thought maybe he scraped it on the basket. However, he was crying our periodically and he isn't usually that sensitive. We chalked it up to missing his nap earlier, but as I watched him he wasn't using his left arm at all.

{trying to cheer him up: Vanessa + David playing with glow bracelets}

I decided to call our pediatrician's office and speak with a triage nurse. She gave us some instructions to check for a dislocated shoulder or elbow but Kai wouldn't let us move him enough to really tell. When we touched him, he'd scream. So the nurse said to take him into the ER to get checked out.

Since we were away from home and it was bedtime for Desmond we decided that Ben would drop Des and I off at home and he would take Kai in. It killed me to not go and later when Kai was crying for me, I called Ben's brother David and his girlfriend Vanessa on their offer to stay with Des so I could go.

{in the waiting room with Daddy. in the exam room with Grandma}

By the time I got there I had missed the X-Ray they decided to do (because of where he claimed the pain was) and the repair of what ended up being "nursemaid's elbow" Something we didn't really expect because of where he was saying it hurt and that nobody had touched him. Apparently he had jolted it just right when on his laundry basket ride. It's amazing to me that something so small caused this issue after all the crazy falls he has had with no injury (boys!). The doctor set it before I got there and I came in to a different child. He was smiling, eating a popsicle, and using his left arm like nothing had happened. Although, he was very sleepy.

Ben and I traded places and as he headed home to Desmond, I waited with Kai and Grandma Debbie (who was visiting while on shift at the hospital) for our discharge papers. When they came the nurse joked for Kai to sign and he grabbed the pen and scribbled on the line. She was pretty surprised and it made her night. That's my funny boy!

As we were leaving the parking lot Malakai told me "That was a really nice doctor. We had a fun time." (for more quotes like this, follow @kaithoughts on instagram). He clearly wasn't traumatized by the experience, thankfully. He fell asleep about halfway home and snoozed peacefully all night.

{still wearing his glow sticks}

We are so thankful that it was a quick fix and that we don't have to deal with a 3 year old in a cast...not yet anyway!