Desmond Lee: 3 1/2

Desmond is officially halfway through being a three year old. He's sweet, I'll give him that, but I must admit that we are 2 for 2 in the challenging 3-year-olds department. Maybe Aurelia will give us a break when she turns 3- but I won't be placing any bets on it! It seems that 2 year olds get the worst reputation but 3 year olds are more difficult in my opinion. They're bigger, more opinionated and more capable of mischief than 2 year olds for sure. Maybe it's just my boys, but they are quite strong-willed and it seems to culminate at this age.

All that said, we sure do love our Desmond at any age. At his best he is sweet and hysterical and imaginative. He loves to follow around his big brother, but when he feels wronged by Malakai, Desmond doesn't take it lightly. Lately we've been working on getting him to talk about his feelings with Malakai rather than running to Ben or I for help or just to give us a play by play of what's going on. 

Des is still learning how to be gentle with Aurelia, but he really adores his little sister. He has taken to calling her "Sis-tie" which I do not understand, but it's mostly adorable (except when he yells it in her face or when she's trying to sleep). He likes to make her smile (who doesn't) and whenever she cries he will run to her room to find a toy to bring her.

Desmond knows colors and variations on colors. He even problem solved an issue of he and Malakai both having the favorite color green by saying one of them could be dark green and the other light green. He caught on to that and shapes long ago but isn't as interested in numbers and letters yet. He sings about half the alphabet before making up his own words or just ending the song, but to my surprise he knows most of the letters by sight. He counts to 5 easily and to 10 accurately most of the time. He's great with one-to-one correspondence and much to my relief he is great at using his manners when out in public (I've heard this several times from his sweet Sunday school teachers). Just the other day I tried to give him a cuddle and he said "No thank you mama, we keep our hands to ourselves." Who can argue with that?

He sure does love to do whatever Malakai is doing much of the time. We often have to find him something to distract him to get Kai the alone time he craves. It sure is sweet when Malakai reads to him though. I can't help but snap a picture of them huddled up over a book every single time.

The two of them are getting more rough in their play, which I don't mind most of the time except when it becomes one sided and someone stops respecting boundaries. I'm sure that will only get more extreme as they grow, but I hope they always play together.

Desmond loves to play pretend and pulls anyone around into his world of make believe. He will assign you a character and expect you to act accordingly, which can be especially difficult if you aren't familiar with what he wants you to do or say.

The most recently developments have been his ability to completely tune out the entire world around him. I could be in his face saying his name and he's still focused on something else. He's mastered the art of selective hearing.

Desmond is a total bruiser. Literally 5 minutes after I took most of these photos he ran from the grass to the aggregate driveway and tripped, landing on his face. His poor head has endured quite a few dings (including stitches already) and my poor heart has been through the wringer!

He has also started needing less help at bed time over the last few weeks. This has been a LONG time coming. For the past year and a half he has needed Ben to put him to bed and lay with him until he fell asleep. While he was still napping it could take him up to an hour to fall asleep, and if you got up before he was out you'd be starting the process all over. He wouldn't let me put him to sleep except for very rare occasions, which meant that Ben didn't get to go anywhere in the evenings. Whenever we tried Des would just stay up and torture me until Ben came home. Now Ben will lay down with him for 2 minutes, say goodnight and shut the door and Desmond will be fast asleep in a matter of minutes. It's a small miracle that we are thoroughly enjoying.

We absolutely love our creative and rambunctious little Desmond and can hardly believe he'll be 4 in just 6 short months!

oh yeah, potty training...

It's totally not my thing to talk about my kids and their potty training (learning, etc...whatever you want to call it). I don't particularly enjoy facebook status updates about other peoples' kids and what they've done in the toilet...so I don't share about mine.

However, I do want to talk about the process a bit for sake of keeping record (as that is the primary reason I blog) and for those wondering what it's like for others. Especially in difficult situations like ours.

A tiny bit of back story- Malakai showed interest in going potty at 18 months. (Desmond is doing the same). Unfortunately he had a hernia and we had to quit until after his surgery to correct it 5 months later. We tried again after he turned 2 but he just wasn't interested, and our pediatrician advised us that if he wasn't able to stay dry through nap time, that he wasn't physically ready anyhow. She also said that if he didn't care about being clean, we'd also be wasting our time. 2 strikes against us, so we waited.

Once Kai turned 3 we tried several times but backed off once it became a power struggle, and it always did. We did charts with stickers and treats for using the toilet. None of it lasted for more than a week. He filled up a chart with stickers for using the toilet while still in pull-ups but it went nowhere after that.

Then we went straight to underwear a few times and he did better, but the power struggle would still come into play. Another big issue is that he wouldn't want to stop playing to go potty. We tried reminders and songs and setting timers and none of it helped for long enough to matter.

I listened to an MP3 audio at the height of my frustration a couple months ago, by Love and Logic. It was only $5 and I highly recommend it. Way quicker than reading a whole book and more realistic and helpful than any blogger who promises you can train your kiddo in a weekend.

I learned to back off, use empathy when he had accidents, and let him be in control of the process. I took deep breaths through some really frustrating accidents and setbacks and loved him no matter how badly I wanted to stop spending money on pull-ups... and he did it. He owned it and is doing so great. When he did have accidents during that time we'd just simply say "what a bummer, you can help me clean that up and we can try again." or "that's too bad, maybe you aren't quite ready for underwear yet, and that's okay." Those phrases seemed to motivate him more, especially when the alternative was having to wear pull-ups during the day (he didn't always care about wearing pull-ups but finally grew to prefer underwear).

He still needs an occasional reminder or incentive, but 90% of the time he manages it himself with no problems. For incentives, I don't mean a treat or a sticker, but just simple things like "I'll get out the markers after you take a potty break!" or let's pause your show and you can finish after you go potty." Works way better than chocolate chips for us.

Next is tackling staying dry overnight. He's in pull-ups at night, even though he wants to be in underwear, because I know he's not physically ready. I let him know that he can get up to go potty any time after bed and that once he wakes up with a dry pull-up in the morning he can wear underwear the next night.

So, if you find yourself in a rut with potty training, back off...let go of control and let your kiddo show you what he/she is capable of!

Kai's 1st ER trip...

A while back we had taken Kai in to urgent care for a sprained ankle, but we haven't had any issues since then. Saturday we had no obligations to do anything or be anywhere, so we decided to go watch the game at Ben's parents' place. When Kai got out of the car he tripped and fell onto the pavement, picked himself up and then fell again. He said he was okay and played pretty rough in the backyard afterward so we didn't worry about it.

Later the boys took a laundry basket ride through the house and almost tipped over, and Kai stretched out his arm. Then he yelled out in pain and we were frantically trying to figure out what was wrong. His arm was red and he had a small scratch so we thought maybe he scraped it on the basket. However, he was crying our periodically and he isn't usually that sensitive. We chalked it up to missing his nap earlier, but as I watched him he wasn't using his left arm at all.

{trying to cheer him up: Vanessa + David playing with glow bracelets}

I decided to call our pediatrician's office and speak with a triage nurse. She gave us some instructions to check for a dislocated shoulder or elbow but Kai wouldn't let us move him enough to really tell. When we touched him, he'd scream. So the nurse said to take him into the ER to get checked out.

Since we were away from home and it was bedtime for Desmond we decided that Ben would drop Des and I off at home and he would take Kai in. It killed me to not go and later when Kai was crying for me, I called Ben's brother David and his girlfriend Vanessa on their offer to stay with Des so I could go.

{in the waiting room with Daddy. in the exam room with Grandma}

By the time I got there I had missed the X-Ray they decided to do (because of where he claimed the pain was) and the repair of what ended up being "nursemaid's elbow" Something we didn't really expect because of where he was saying it hurt and that nobody had touched him. Apparently he had jolted it just right when on his laundry basket ride. It's amazing to me that something so small caused this issue after all the crazy falls he has had with no injury (boys!). The doctor set it before I got there and I came in to a different child. He was smiling, eating a popsicle, and using his left arm like nothing had happened. Although, he was very sleepy.

Ben and I traded places and as he headed home to Desmond, I waited with Kai and Grandma Debbie (who was visiting while on shift at the hospital) for our discharge papers. When they came the nurse joked for Kai to sign and he grabbed the pen and scribbled on the line. She was pretty surprised and it made her night. That's my funny boy!

As we were leaving the parking lot Malakai told me "That was a really nice doctor. We had a fun time." (for more quotes like this, follow @kaithoughts on instagram). He clearly wasn't traumatized by the experience, thankfully. He fell asleep about halfway home and snoozed peacefully all night.

{still wearing his glow sticks}

We are so thankful that it was a quick fix and that we don't have to deal with a 3 year old in a cast...not yet anyway!

Gymnastics Class!

This morning Kai had his very first gymnastics class. I snagged a groupon a few months back and knew it would come in handy when the weather started to cool down and my rowdy little boy would need a physical outlet. As I sat Kai down for the 10th time this morning to try to explain why he can't crush his baby brother, I was so thankful for the foresight I had in scheduling this little class for him.

A good friend came over to watch Desmond and away Malakai and I went. I hadn't told him about the class until today and he was already excited when I explained some of the things he'd get to do. He was especially looking forward to "jumping way up high!". I prepared him for having to let other kids take turns and that he'd have to listen to his teacher.

When we got there, I signed a few releases while his teacher introduced himself and asked Malakai his name and age. He answered proudly, "Kai...THREE!" (with his 3 fingers held high). Then we sat to wait for the class to start. He was really anxious to get out onto the mats, but waited rather patiently all the same.

At 11am he and just ONE other child, a 3 year old girl, followed the 2 teachers out to the mats. He listened attentively, followed directions, and learned quickly. I knew he was capable of all of these great things, but some days (most days) he doesn't perform them so perfectly for me at home. I was smiling the entire time, and so was he.

The little girl's mother, who had been bringing her daughter there for a year, was really impressed with Kai's abilities. Of course I was really proud to hear that. What a fun morning to watch my little sprout go off "by himself", take a class and excel.

It was so nice to have his first time be on a slow day, Kai could "ease" into it. Although, I'm not sure he really needed to.

{high five the big hand!}

{flamingo!}

He was so well worn out at the end he immediately asked for a PBJ. We talked about coming again soon and he got really excited. I can't wait for Ben to come and watch our kiddo shine!

today at the park...

...this cuteness happened-

and there was a LOT of giggling.