oh yeah, potty training...

It's totally not my thing to talk about my kids and their potty training (learning, etc...whatever you want to call it). I don't particularly enjoy facebook status updates about other peoples' kids and what they've done in the toilet...so I don't share about mine.

However, I do want to talk about the process a bit for sake of keeping record (as that is the primary reason I blog) and for those wondering what it's like for others. Especially in difficult situations like ours.

A tiny bit of back story- Malakai showed interest in going potty at 18 months. (Desmond is doing the same). Unfortunately he had a hernia and we had to quit until after his surgery to correct it 5 months later. We tried again after he turned 2 but he just wasn't interested, and our pediatrician advised us that if he wasn't able to stay dry through nap time, that he wasn't physically ready anyhow. She also said that if he didn't care about being clean, we'd also be wasting our time. 2 strikes against us, so we waited.

Once Kai turned 3 we tried several times but backed off once it became a power struggle, and it always did. We did charts with stickers and treats for using the toilet. None of it lasted for more than a week. He filled up a chart with stickers for using the toilet while still in pull-ups but it went nowhere after that.

Then we went straight to underwear a few times and he did better, but the power struggle would still come into play. Another big issue is that he wouldn't want to stop playing to go potty. We tried reminders and songs and setting timers and none of it helped for long enough to matter.

I listened to an MP3 audio at the height of my frustration a couple months ago, by Love and Logic. It was only $5 and I highly recommend it. Way quicker than reading a whole book and more realistic and helpful than any blogger who promises you can train your kiddo in a weekend.

I learned to back off, use empathy when he had accidents, and let him be in control of the process. I took deep breaths through some really frustrating accidents and setbacks and loved him no matter how badly I wanted to stop spending money on pull-ups... and he did it. He owned it and is doing so great. When he did have accidents during that time we'd just simply say "what a bummer, you can help me clean that up and we can try again." or "that's too bad, maybe you aren't quite ready for underwear yet, and that's okay." Those phrases seemed to motivate him more, especially when the alternative was having to wear pull-ups during the day (he didn't always care about wearing pull-ups but finally grew to prefer underwear).

He still needs an occasional reminder or incentive, but 90% of the time he manages it himself with no problems. For incentives, I don't mean a treat or a sticker, but just simple things like "I'll get out the markers after you take a potty break!" or let's pause your show and you can finish after you go potty." Works way better than chocolate chips for us.

Next is tackling staying dry overnight. He's in pull-ups at night, even though he wants to be in underwear, because I know he's not physically ready. I let him know that he can get up to go potty any time after bed and that once he wakes up with a dry pull-up in the morning he can wear underwear the next night.

So, if you find yourself in a rut with potty training, back off...let go of control and let your kiddo show you what he/she is capable of!

as usual

Just like always we have been busy little bees around here. Still in full potty-training mode with Kai and he's decided to add furniture-climber to his resume. We did a little furniture switch-a-roo last night which helped keep him off of the low dresser/changer at nap time, but he's still tempted by it in the playroom/Desmond's nursery.

Yes, the playroom is basically Des' nursery now. The crib has been in there since we put Kai's twin mattress in his room back in December, but the changer was still in his bedroom. Now that the crib and changer are back together, it's looking like a nursery...with a LOT of toys everywhere. I think it'll work well as both for now, but I'm sure it's not the last time we transition the two rooms. I don't think we'll be able to put them to bed in the same room for a very long time, so even though our home is small, I'm so thankful that we have 3 separate bedrooms!

Desmond's teething has calmed down a bit, which means better sleep...but not necessarily less drool yet. Kai was never a drooler, so this is new territory for us. I'm not sure if I should just carry around a burp cloth or put a bib on him. Maybe both.

I just updated my Project 365 blog. I always get backed up over the weekend.

Now I need to get back to tidying things up around here in preparation for tomorrow's small group meeting. Always busy, but super blessed.

Malakai + Desmond: growing boys

It's been a while since I've done a comparison of my boys, and since I have to share Desmond's well-check stats from his 4 month in contrast to his 2 month appointment, I might as well see how he compares to Malakai at this age.

First, one small thing that I love about our pediatrician's office is that they take a photo at every well check. I take my own photos all the time, but for some reason it's just so great to have their photos to compare. Here are Desmond's photos so far...

Talk about a quick change! In 2 months his head grew an inch, he grew 3 inches in length, and gained 4lbs! Here are his 4 month stats: height 26 1/4 (85%), weight- 18lbs 15.5oz ( above 95%), head- 17 1/4 in. (85%). 

And Malakai's at this age: height- 24 3/4 inches (43%), weight- 17lbs 8oz (88%), head- 18 in. (99%).  

Kai was seeing a different doctor, so we don't have the well-check photos for him. When Kai was 4 months his pediatrician had us all worried about his growth and development. I'm glad to have switched doctors and to know that both my boys are healthy and well without jumping to conclusions and being given the worst case scenario at every visit. 

Ben + I were just realizing last night that it has been 9 months since Kai's surgery. It seems like a lifetime ago, and we are so glad to have that behind us!

Anyway here is Kai at 4 months in November of 2009 and Des at 4 months now.

We get a lot of comments about how Des looks "just like his brother!" but I really don't agree. They have some of the same features, but each has a look of their own. Well, except for the fact that Malakai is an exact replica of Ben.

This week Desmond has been teething like crazy and Malakai is learning to use the potty. It's been challenging and I surely wouldn't have planned to start potty-training with Kai while sleep deprived because of Desmond's teething and my having a cold...but he was ready so I went with it. The kid totally gets it, but doesn't really care to go unless I remind him that he gets a sticker, then he's all about it, but would rather put a diaper back on than a pull-up or underwear...I have a feeling it's going to take a while!

why today is awesome...

Parenthood has a lot of ups and downs, not even just within each month or week but literally within a 5 minute span you can have some of the most amazing moments with your children quickly followed by some insanely challenging ones. Can I get an amen mama's + daddy's?

Anyway, today has had just as many joys as challenges, just like any other day. However, there have been enough significant happy moments to make today a pretty good one so far.

Early this morning I threw some beef stew together in the crock pot and cleaned the kitchen, dining room and living room.

Later in the morning one of my best friends, Jamie, came over with her son Justice (who is almost one!) and we had breakfast. We hadn't seen each other in way too long because of sickness bouncing back and forth between our families over the last few months. Malakai had a few challenging moments, but really enjoyed seeing Justice.

After they left Kai needed a diaper change and on a whim I asked if he wanted to use the toilet (I know, here I go blogging about potty training). He asked to use the "white one", as opposed to his Elmo potty chair. He sat, but nothing. So we washed hands, but instead of a diaper I put underpants on. I decided to see if he'd sit on the Elmo chair in the living room for a bit. I got him some snacks, a cup of water and turned on the tv. He was content to sit and I just waited.

{yes, even Batman needs to learn to use the potty}

I walked in the other room to put the camera away and when I came back he had gone in the potty chair for the first time ever. I had not anticipated just how proud and excited I'd feel. I pulled a progress chart out of a Elmo training book Aunt Kristi got him forever ago and we put a sticker on. He got lots of hugs and high fives and was so excited! He even wanted to sit on it some more and try again, but that didn't last long.

Later he ended up wetting in his underwear and not telling me, but I just cleaned him up and went back to diapers for the rest of the morning. I didn't even care because I was so excited for his first success.

Then we peeled paper off broken crayons and he sorted the colors so we could melt them and make big flat crayons in a muffin tin. He colored a bit and we just had some quiet playtime.

Just after 1pm He ate a late lunch and started to get sleepy. For the past month I have been dreading nap time every afternoon. Kai hasn't been napping and for the past two weeks he'll fall asleep just before dinner in random places or doing random things.

I usually try nap right after lunch which ends up being between noon and 1pm. Today we started a bit later even though he woke up just before 7am, so he was pretty tired. At 2pm I picked him up, sang a silly song and laid him down while continuing to sing and he was fast asleep in less than a minute. Our second success of the day! I am so thrilled!

Both boys are sleeping, my house is clean, dinner is cooking itself and I've got a smile on my face. Today is a great day!