On sleep

We have truly been in just about every situation imaginable when it comes to sleep with our 3 little ones. This post is about our journey and what has worked for us with each child (to the best of my ever-fleeting memory) and hopefully a little help for you in your current struggles to get yourself and/or your littles to sleep peacefully.

going, going, gone! 

Our oldest, Malakai, was born during a heatwave in the summer of 2009. At the time we didn't have air conditioning except a small portable unit in the main living space. We had not planned to co-sleep because we honestly had no idea what that was or what it meant. Malakai had his own set of plans. We had an antique bassinet by my side of the bed for him to be in our room, but he slept best in my arms, and so that's what we did. He napped fairly well, it was mostly night time that was the struggle. Him being our only child and my staying home full time meant that we could be flexible with sleep for the most part. We thought it was bad, but my current experiences scoff at how easy those days were.

I thought Malakai would be swaddled until he left for college ;)

By 15 months old though, Kai was still not sleeping through the night. He didn't take a pacifier and was weaned but still needed soothed to sleep. This meant myself or mostly Ben walking him around until he fell into a deep enough sleep that he didn't notice when we'd set him down. Letting him cry to sleep was not an option for our situation. He would get hysterical (to the point of vomiting, rather quickly) and we just couldn't stand it.

We read Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and implemented the routines that worked best for us and he was soon sleeping through the night. It only took a couple weeks and it was so wonderful. I still recommend this book as it's suggestions and habits have come in handy with all of our children. Sure, there was sleep regression when we hit a tough bout of teething or a cold, but ultimately we could always retrain using the tactics we learned and going back to our routines.

In the fall of 2011, Desmond joined us. We received a co-sleeper that attached to our bed and were wondering where this magic had been the last couple years! Then we had our first experience with "colick", I was reduced to tears on several occassions and frequently felt like a failure. After a few weeks of it went by, it settled as it often does (cling to that if you find yourself in the throes of colick, it ALWAYS gets better!). From then Des was pretty content to sleep just about anywhere. He napped fairly frequently in a bouncy type seat with his special "lovey" in the middle of the living room while I made lunch and Malakai (then just over 2) played rather noisely as usual.

Malakai, Desmond + Aurelia...swings + bouncy seats to the rescue!

Desmond regressed into needing constant soothing to sleep and at about 15 months had learned to swing one leg over and hoist himself out of bed. We were NOT ready to transition to a toddler bed (and of course, neither was he) so we found our solution in the form of a few sleep sacks. First it worked but the bottom was so wide that he could still climb out, just with more effort. So, I sewed up the sides to make them narrower and ta-dah! no more crib-climing baby. When he learned to work the zipper (because he was baby houdini) we turned them backwards, but eventually he was in a toddler bed and ready to roll. In order to get him to sleep and not play we got into a bad habit of soothing him to sleep and laying him down every night, every nap. This continued even when we put the boys in the same room and turned the other into a "play room" to keep the toys from being a distraction. Someone always had to lay with him to get him to bed, which meant Malakai wanted that too.

Malakai stopped napping, so he would play in the other room while I lay down with Desmond for a nap, which often took a LONG time. At night Ben and I would both find ourselves laying in their little beds, waiting for them to fall asleep. We remembered our previous routines and began to implement them again. It took a while but things got better. One of the best tactics was agreeing to snuggle with each of them, but just for a few minutes. We had worked it all the way down to 1 minute and eventually stopped laying with them after stories and devotions altogether. They've had moments of bothering each other over the years, but for the most part they have always done really well sharing a room.

More recently, Malakai has had a run in with some anxiety and nightmares so I have started to lay down with each of them for "one minute" after lights out. I don't mind this at all, in fact, I look forward to it. I get a small amount of snuggle time with each of them. I pray over them, run my fingers through their hair and kiss their heads before tip-toeing out and whispering "see you when the sun comes up" which was something that we started to tell Malakai years ago and it just stuck. I will continue to do this for as long as they want me to.

Another way we have battled night time worries, bad dreams, and other sleep disturbances is implementing the use of essential oils. We have been using oils regularly for nearly 3 years and the more I use them, the more I am pleased with the outcome. I'd love to share details about this portion of our journey with you. Please feel free to email me to find out which oils we use and how to get some to try!

The boys were 5 and 3 when Aurelia was born. Raeli has been all over the map in terms of sleep. As a newborn she slept wonderfully, and it lasted until we had to stop swaddling her around 6 months because she would roll over in her sleep. We tried all methods of soothing her to sleep, including the multiple different ideas in our go-to resource, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" but the only thing that worked was to ease her into bed time as much as we could, get her drowsy and lay her down, letting her cry a bit and put herself to sleep. Even still, this really only consistently worked for naps.

Once she got close to a year old she was struggling to get to sleep and stay asleep every single night. I went away for a weekend and we used the opportunity to start to wean her from nursing. I figured we would keep the bed time feeding and wean that one slowly as that's what worked best for her brothers. It did NOT work for her. She would nurse to sleep and then wake screaming as soon as I tried to put her down, no matter how long I held her or if I tried to get her to stay awake. Nothing that included nursing her before bed was working. Then she weaned herself completely. We put her to bed drowsy, but awake and she cried but not for long. Then she slept ALL NIGHT.

It was very foreign to us to let a baby cry to sleep as that would not have come close to working for our sons (or us) just years prior. It's what she wanted and it worked for her. I still have to retreat to the shower if she has a hard time getting to sleep. We also still go in to soothe her if she's having a rough go or cries for "too long"(for us that is over 15 minutes without calming down). At 18 months she still has bouts of waking and being difficult to get to sleep again. Just recently she struggled to sleep at night due to illness and teething, but we went back to our routines once we knew she was healthy and able and she cried a bit, but for less time and she went back to sleeping all night. The more nights go by, the less she protests. Now, she often just whimpers or makes no noise at all and lays there quietly before drifting off to sleep. I consider it a miracle each and every time.

When we've been out late or have had guests over, causing the kiddos to be a bit rowdy instead of sleepy, we usually turn to our favorite essential oils to encourage them to get to sleep calmly and quickly. We've had so much success with using them in this and many other ways that I can't help but sing their praises! They've also done wonders for Ben + I. With how often we were waking to soothe little ones, Ben + I had been used to waking frequently and struggled to sleep all night once they were all staying asleep. We turned to oils and they immediately worked to help us get to sleep quickly and stay asleep all night. All these benefits without the side effects of feeling too drowsy to get up in the morning or if the kids needed us in the night.

All that to say two things 1. never say never! 2. each kiddo is so totally different, let them "tell" you what works for them. As long as it also works for you and is safe, do it! I would never have thought that we would let a kiddo cry to sleep, it's just not something that was comfortable for Ben or I, but it's what works for our little girl and she sleeps well and wakes happy, so we do too!

edit: I wrote the bulk of this a week or so ago and of course Aurelia is in another sleep regression due to her 2 year molars taking FOR-EV-ER to come in all the way. We even went to her doctor to make sure she doesn't have an ear infection. Thankfully she is healthy, just having some referred pain from her teeth coming in. Since she is uncomfortable we do our best to soothe her to sleep in her own room if she wakes unahppy, but when she's just too miserable we pull into our bed to get some sleep. Seasons come and seasons go and if I've learned anything new over the last 6+ years of parenting it's to remain flexible and don't get too used to something because it's bound to change in the blink of an eye!

First Day of School, 2015

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around both of my boys starting school today. Desmond for the very first time. So far we have homeschooled the "Pre-K" year and then our kids go to a local school for Kindergarten on up. This saves us money on those Preschool years and gets me using my teaching degree. It was a challenge when I first homeschooled Malakai because I was doing all the lesson planning while juggling everything else and halfway through the year I was pretty sick while newly expecting Aurelia.  We've lived and learned and are trying something new this year with Desmond. We are using a homeschool curriculum called Sonlight recommended by a handful of friends. Everything is planned out for me and it's largely book-based, which we love. I didn't have to do any late night planning while the kids slept, I didn't have to stress when Aurelia was a challenge at nap time and only napped half an hour because everything was ready for us when we were able to get to it.

My plan of action for having a kiddo in full-day school away from home is to prep as much as possible the night before. Malakai has his routines written out and posted (I started this to motivate him to wear clothing when he was a 3 year old and it just stuck). His clothes are put out, his lunch and snack for the next day (or two) are packed and ready, his backpack is stocked and set out and we are ready to roll for the following morning.

The hardest part is waking up at 6am after being up several times the night before. Aurelia's constant teething (she's working on her 8th) and frequent ear infections have trained her to frequently wake and need comforted back to sleep. However, even with a lack of good solid sleep, waking up before the kids really feels great in terms of being able to get myself ready for the day before needing to help them get breakfast and move forward with their to-do's.

It was so nice feeling like we got ready on time and even out the door early. We took some pictures with our cute little signs and loaded up the beloved mini-van. All of my good feelings unraveled when I had to navigate walking 3 kids 2 blocks with a vase full of flowers in one hand and a heavy bag of school supplies in the other while pushing a stroller and making sure the boys didn't get hit by a car because there were no sidewalks. Thankfully I kept my composure and we all lived to see the 1st grade. Malakai sorted out his supplies into the marked boxes (I'm so thankful he loves stuff like that) and disappeared into his classroom. Desmond gave the flowers to Kai's teacher because Malakai was too shy and then I lost him. I figured he was fine for a moment so I could at least say goodbye to Malakai, who didn't want a hug. Des was getting in to the toys, of course, and I'm just ever so thankful he didn't tantrum about not getting to stay and play with them.

We made it out the door, chatted with some friends on our way and headed home. Desmond said he didn't want to do "preschool home" yet which was fine because it was 9 am and I hadn't even had coffee yet. He played sweetly while I got Aurelia down for a late morning nap and we had 30 minutes to ourselves to go over our memory verse, days of the week, a few stories and work book time before she woke up again. By then he was asking for more and more school work. Thankfully I have a few extra workbooks that are only 90% colored by Malakai so he was able to hunt for some pages to finish while I prepared lunch.

It was odd to have Malakai gone for so many hours, but somehow they just flew by and it was nearly time to pick him up. We played together, the 3 of us and the house was eerily quiet for early afternoon.

Ben came home early so he could greet Kai at pick up since he wasn't able to make drop off. When we saw him he looked a little pale and a lot tired. He said he didn't feel well because he went in circles too fast on the tire swing. We sat in the shade for a bit while Des played on the play ground. I chatted with his teacher and he perked up enough to play a bit and cooperate for a few more first-day photos before we headed home and vegged out for their daily ration of screen-time.

{not feeling so hot}

 {got his groove back}

{annual photo by the pillars}

All in all, first day of school conquered. Hope yours went well too!

still around...

Hey all... just in case you're wondering, I'm still blogging here. Goodness, it's been a long time. Spring has passed us by all too quickly and I can barely find time to get the regular things done around our home with all the extras going on lately. It all comes on at once!

If you follow along with us on Instagram or Facebook, you may have seen some of what has kept us so busy. Here's more of what we've been up to...

Aside from our normal weekly schedule of getting Kai to and from Kindergarten in the afternoons, visiting with both sets of Grandparents at least once a week, squeezing in play dates, and attending church functions 3 times a week, we've found room to cram some special activities in as well.

Spring is such a busy time all of a sudden with a kiddo in school. It seems they pile on events all at once. Last week Malakai's class had a field trip to Public Works. It was an open house day so there were a LOT of other field trips and families as well. I was able to take Malakai while Ben's mom watched Desmond and Aurelia. It was such a treat to help out with his class and have some time to just focus on him. It was also nice to connect with other parents, since Aurelia was born on the 3rd day of school I haven't been in his classroom as much as I had envisioned.

The following day we had a Jog-a-thon fundraiser for the school so I packed up all 3 kiddos and joined the other Kindergarten parents and students in the rain to help count laps as kiddos dashed around the track. It was such a blessing because although it had been rainy and was pretty wet, the rain let up for the hour that our kiddos ran. Desmond wasn't too into it, which really surprised me. I talked him into doing one lap around with Malakai and they walked huddled together the whole way around. Malakai did 19 laps in one hours, which I think is close to 2 1/2 miles.

We've spent a lot of time at our pediatrician's office lately. Unfortunately all 3 kiddos have been suffering ear infections. Aurelia has had 2 in the last 2 months, Malakai had one and Desmond had a double. Keeping track of medicines has been fun. I've been really thankful for my collection of essential oils right about now for general sickness, ear discomfort and seasonal discomforts alike.

Sadly Malakai will need surgery to have ear tubes put in to keep him from having so many ear infections. I had hoped we would get past this season with no more infections, but he had another right after allergies hit. I'm wishing we had done this last year, but we thought for sure he'd mature out of it. After school is out we'll get it all taken care of and pray that ear infections will be a thing of the past for him!

Lately I've been spending a lot of time gardening. We have quite a bit of green in our little veggie garden! I have 5 different lettuces, 2 tomatoes, onions, carrots, red peppers, cilantro, basil and strawberries clustered in big and small containers. We've already enjoyed a few salads out of our garden, the basil is new within the last few days, and sadly the birds got to the few red berries I had, but I'm hoping to beat them to the next round!

The only thing growing faster than our little veggie garden is our sweet daughter. She is doing so many new things! She's doing this hilarious scoot crawl and she is FAST. She is able to get into a lot of things and I've found myself cleaning the floors much more often. She loves to spit her food, even when she likes it. 

We've also been getting outside and taking advantage of the great weather we've been having as much as possible. Playing at the park or in our own front yard has been a lot of fun. Aurelia loves to watch the big kids play so we will often sit on a blanket together while the boys play on the playground. Her new favorite thing is to pick and try to eat the grass now that she can crawl to it. 

She used to hate the feel of grass but today I set her down so I could carry a watermelon in from the car and she was very excited. 

Hopefully I'll get to updating again here sooner than I have been. I have so much more to share and I still have a few informational posts about essential oils in the works too! 

Malakai: 5 1/2

I haven't posted an update on Malakai since he started school (he already looks so much older!). I remember when he was just a baby I would do monthly updates on what he was learning and how he was developing. Obviously additional kiddos and other life changes keep me from blogging as much as I did those days, but I want to be sure to document their milestones as much as I can.

Malakai technically turned 5 1/2 in January. These photos were taken December 30th (by b.lovely photography). Since then he has lost his bottom two front teeth and has another loose one!

The biggest leap Malakai has made in the last few months is in reading. He had some sight words down before starting Kindergarten and as soon as he started school more concepts just started to click. He is so very interested in school that for a while he would do his nightly homework sheet and then make up additional "homework" for himself. At one point he was getting pretty burnt out and frustrated and we had to talk about taking a break from "school work" to make sure he was playing!

A few months ago I grabbed The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverley Cleary to read aloud to Malakai and Desmond. Malakai would constantly beg to read it himself, and I would remind him that it's good for him to be read to as well. Plus, there were quite a few longer and more difficult words and concepts in the book so I didn't want to induce any additional frustrations. Once we finished it I handed it to him and said he could read it if he wanted. He devoured the entire book (13 chapeters, 158 pages with a few small pictures here and there) in 2 days time. What surprised me the most was that when he comes to a big word that he doesn't know immediately he sounds it out as best he can and just keeps on going. What truly blew me away was when I handed him the next book, Ralph S. Mouse, without pre-reading it to him and he finished it even faster. Same number of pages, and he could recount the story to me. Words can't express how proud I am that he is reading so fluently and comprehending it all as well! I'm so glad he can read to himself whenever he wants, it's the perfect outlet when he's feeling more introverted.

His social skills are certainly maturing and he's picking up on subtle cues, some good...some not so great. There are moments when he'll say something to me with an impatient attitude and that just does not work for me! We've had more talks recently about how to speak respectfully and make sure that we are kind and treating people how we would want them to treat us. I can hardly believe I'm already into this stage of parenting, it's so fun but it's so much more complicated!

When it comes to his siblings, he is definitely the rule keeper. He surely matches all the tendencies of an oldest child. He and Desmond are the best of friends but can also fight pretty easily...brothers. When it comes to Aurelia he just can't get enough. His face lights up to see her when she wakes up in the morning and when he's home from school. He loves to hold her and play with her and if he finds a way to make her laugh he won't stop performing for her.

Malakai and Ben are such a sweet pair. Malakai loves to help out and beams if he ever gets the chance to work on a project with daddy or spend special one on one time with him. He loves to help in the yard or with putting things together, like a piece of furniture or a new toy.

I'm cherishing that he is still little enough to snuggle up with me on the couch and read together or to needs and want a hug or a kiss when he's hurt, sad, and before bed.

All in all my Malakai has such a sweet heart and is so good natured. I'm totally blessed by him and so proud to be his mama.


>>all photos by the talented b.lovely photography<<

Our 3 littles...

With a new baby and my oldest being 5 I'm seeing first hand how fleeting the baby days are. The saying, "babies don't keep" is painfully true. So I'm not only holding on tight to every little moment with Aurelia, but also each small interaction with Malakai and Desmond. They are growing so fast, too fast, and I want to make sure to remember all of it before I'm longing for these days, no matter how hard they seem (and are).

Aurelia is already 2 months old. It blows my mind that it's possible that we've been a family of 5 for 9 weeks. It seems like she just got here. Malakai is in his 3rd month of school, something that also seems impossible. Desmond just turned 3 last month and keeps us all very busy each day. Watching the 3 of them interact with each other is by far the best part of each day. The boys are sweet + gentle with "baby sister" and ask for her all morning until she's awake, then they clamor to see her and be the first one to make her smile.

Aurelia is cooing and gurgling and just making the best baby noises. She started smiling at 5 weeks old and I swear she's going to bless us with a giggle any day now. She's impossibly ticklish, but she just wiggles and grunts in response for now. She is growing like crazy and the number 1 compliment she gets these days is in reference to her sweet chubby cheeks and her little dimples. Her eyes are a bright blue but we would be pretty shocked if they stayed that way. The boys have Ben's hazel eyes (although Des' have a little green in them like Mima) and since her hair color already favors daddy's, I'm guessing her eyes will be the same. Only time will tell. 

Malakai is reading like crazy these days. He devours any book you give him almost immediately. The words he is able to read and the concepts he understands surprise me often. Ben + I are sad to see the days of spelling things to keep secrets in front of the kids go by, but we know Malakai is much too smart for us to get away with that anymore. I got to visit his class for their fall party on October 30th and I loved being a "fly on the wall" so to speak. Watching him interact with his friends and work on activities throughout the afternoon was such a joy. He loves school so much that he can hardly wait to get to his homework and he will make more "school work" for himself regularly. He's constantly writing letters to people and drawing pictures. He loves learning, but we do have to be careful he doesn't get too much of a good thing because he will get frustrated if he doesn't get it right or do it how he wants it done sometimes. 

Desmond is our imaginative little buddy. He is the best at playing pretend and making friends with strangers. He is talking all the time and any willing participant is a perfect playmate. He loves to make forts or pile blankets into "cars" to drive or  "airplanes" to fly. He loved being an astronaut with Malakai for Halloween and continues to play with his costume. Like Malakai he will quote movies and shows and recite books easily. If you aren't familiar with what he's been reading or watching lately his dialogue can be pretty confusing. Three has proved to be the hardest age in this household for the 2nd time around. Desmond has learned how to be defiant and throw a master tantrum, but boy can that kid snuggle!

These three are keeping us on our toes and the days are flying by faster than ever before. Sadly Malakai had a reoccurring double ear infection recently and we are waiting to hear back from insurance on whether they will authorize his getting tubes to prevent having the doozy of a winter we did last year. If they won't authorize it we may have to wait to see if he gets another infection with his next cold (because sickness is inevitable with kids of this age) and perhaps they will then see a need. We are hoping that won't be the case, so we can avoid him having to endure more pain or any hearing loss. 

Other than that and the boys having a mild cold earlier we've been able to stay fairly healthy so far this fall. I'm so thankful that Aurelia hasn't yet gotten sick but I'm sure we won't make it through the season unscathed. I can honestly attribute much of our healthy days to essential oils. I felt a cold (sore throat) coming on and used some On Guard/Shield/Thieves oil right away and felt better the same day. The boys' colds were relatively short lived and Desmond fared better than he ever has, as he's susceptible to breathing issues when he has any type of respiratory symptoms with a cold. I'm honestly so thankful to Amy for getting us started with eo's. If you have any questions about using essential oils, she's a wonderful resource...find here HERE.

So there's our little update, hopefully I'll be back to post sooner rather than later but only time (and my kiddos) will tell.