On Breaking New Ground- again.

We've recently undergone quite a few big life changes this year. 2013 has been anything but boring. Even just keeping up with our littles is enough to make for a busy life.

Since December of last year I started to feel God calling me away from my job. I wasn't sure how that would work, or if I was hearing him right. Perhaps I was just overwhelmed with my current workload and the stress of the holiday season.

In January some changes at work caused quite a stir which led Ben and I to really examine my role as an employee and our membership at the church. We had a LOT of deep and quite emotional conversations and we prayed incessantly. For a long time we waited to see what God wanted us to do. It was painful to be in that place, not knowing what God desired of us or had in store for our future on quite a few levels (personally, professionally, and overall spiritually). We continued to wait and pray.

I started to think that it would be nice to have Kai's last year before going to Kindergarten to focus on him and Desmond solely. It felt like a daydream, but I thought about it a lot. I loved my job and frankly, we needed the income to even get by.  We have done a lot to slash our budget. We don't eat out, go to movies, buy toys or even clothing really. We've switched to cloth diapering and use baking soda and vinegar to clean just about everything, just to name a few things. So it didn't seem doable for me to stop working and still be able to survive (buy groceries, pay for gas, and you know...our mortgage). Still, the desire lingered in my heart.

Things at work got even more difficult, but nothing worth leaving over. I found a way to simplify my work tasks which REALLY helped for a while. Then we tried out having me do lesson planning and volunteer scheduling late at night after the boys had gone to bed. Long gone were the days when both boys napped and I could get 2-3 hours in each afternoon. Still, I found it wasn't enough time and I didn't much like missing out on one on one time with my husband to be working in the other room at 8pm. When I tried to preoccupy Kai so I could get things done while Desmond napped, I felt like I was neglecting him. Working from home has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced. I've work outside the home and for a short time I was solely a stay-at-home mom, but balancing both roles at the same time has been the hardest by far. Even with a well-timed schedule the kids pull rank, as they should.

Ben and I talked and prayed. My dream of leaving in the fall turned to the summer. Next thing I knew, the desire to be home full-time weighed so heavily on my heart that I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to leave my job, not in the fall, not in the summer, but right then. It was hard to swallow, but I knew I had to be obedient and trust in Him to provide for our family. That Ben and I both had to lay our pride down and recognize that we weren't the ones providing for our family in the first place, not alone anyway.

I drafted a letter. Prayed about the timing, and submitted my resignation mid April. It was both painful and freeing. I had to clarify often to staff, friends, and volunteers that we weren't leaving the church and that my leaving my job was strictly in response to God's call on my life and had no bearing on any leadership or co-workers.

May 2nd was my last day and on that day we were gifted $500. It was our first tangible affirmation that we had made the right decision and that God would provide for us in unexpected ways. While the last month has been met with some uncertainty, I'm constantly reminded that God will take care of us and I believe it, deeply. I've even had job offers and suggestions for earning additional income. I know that is not God's plan for me, to leave one job for another.

I will miss my jobs directing the Nursery + Toddlers and Preschool age ministries, but there is no doubt that this was the right move at the right time for our whole family. God is orchestrating the perfect people to take over and I'm exciting to watch these ministries flourish under their leadership as a church member and a parent of children in both age groups.

I'm so enjoying being at home with no outside deadlines pulling me away. No emails, texts, or phone calls. It's glorious. I can tell my kids are enjoying it as well. I've found a joy in fulfilling a dream that God put in my heart just 5 months ago and I look forward to seeing how He'll continue to grow and bless us through this new journey.

current challenges

Over the last 3 weeks Ben has been gone each weeknight after dinner for play rehearsal. He has a lead in this year's drama at our church. We know that this is something he is called to do and that God will use it for much good, but it has been one of our biggest challenges to date.

The 1st couple nights were a breeze. The boys went to sleep and I worked on Christmas projects. As the nights progressed it got harder to get Desmond to sleep. He went a week and a half refusing to go to bed for me. Eventually I'd give up and let him stay up til Ben got home. 10 minutes of time with daddy and he passed out. On Sunday night Des fell asleep on the changing table for Ben after fighting me for hours. Needless to say, I've felt pretty useless.

Over the weekend Kai showed the effects of missing daddy or the first time. He broke down crying when he has to say goodbye after church (2 rehearsals that day). Ben and I were both heartbroken.

Monday night I broke my toe (I'll save the details), which obviously added a new level of difficulty to my nighttime parenting struggles. I insisted Ben still go to practice and I'd call on my family if need be. I took it slow, skipped bath and let the boys watch TV before bed. Totally not our normal routine and they both went to sleep by 8pm. God surely answered my prayers (and some of yours) and it was one of the easiest nights I've had in weeks ...except for the broken toe thing.

Last night was extremely rough. Desmond refused to sleep. Long story short, he was up til Ben got home at 10:30pm. I was so discouraged and totally exhausted. We finally realized that we are under attack because of our choices to increase our ministry. It's obvious that the enemy does not approve of Ben's service to this play and it's potential to encourage Christ followers and reach lost souls.

I'm not sharing this to seem like some sort of martyr, but to keep it real. I share struggles here to chronicle the ups and downs of our lives and to avoid anyone thinking we have it all together, a misconception that seems to happen a lot on social media. I also share to encourage and recruit prayers for us as I believe that God will answer them and use this struggle for His glory and our good.

celebrating 5 years of wedded bliss

On July 7th Ben + I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. It's a small milestone, especially compared to the decades we plan to spend together. We decided to go away for the day/night, making it our first overnighter away from the boys for fun. Our 1st nights away from Kai were spent in the hospital when Desmond made his arrival. This was our very 1st night away from Desmond.

We hadn't done anything to celebrate except a quick dinner here in town since our 1st anniversary. Back in 2008 we spent a weekend at the coast, so we decided to do that again this year. We wanted to check out the River House Inn in Florence because it's right at the end of Old Town, so we could walk everywhere except the beach.

On Saturday morning we got ourselves and our boys ready to go to Mima's house, where we'd drop them off and our car so she could come back to our place for naps and the rest of our time away. Ben stopped for gas in the other car and met me there. I got Kai + Des all settled, chatted with my mom and joked with my dad about forgetting to leave them my car keys (and then I forgot to leave them my car keys...and they had to go to our house to get the other set, sorry guys!).

When we left Ben told me he had called the hotel to see if they do any free upgrades, as some do when they have openings. They don't...but he upgraded our room to the river view one anyway. It was such a lovely surprise!

When we got into town the first thing we did was run out onto the beach. Then we hurried to meet our dear friends, Michael and Megan, for a long overdue lunch in Old Town. We spent some time catching up and resolving to not let so much time go by before we see them again. We couldn't NOT see them while we were there, they live a block away from where we were staying!

Afterwards we checked into our room and I went straight to the balcony to take in our view.

$40 well spent. The other rooms had a view of the parking lot and the walk way. No thanks. 

We had a few hours before our dinner reservations at the Waterfront Depot (where we ate 4 years earlier), so we decided to go for a walk. 

{so blessed that this handsome man is mine}

We still had plenty of time to kill so we watched some HGtv (a channel we love but do not have) and enjoyed the quiet, uninterrupted time to ourselves. 

Once we were ready for dinner, I wanted to take a photo but didn't have the tripod. We tried a number of ways to prop the camera up and ultimately dared to put it on the balcony ledge. I love this photo so much, it's my profile picture on facebook right now, but that version is cropped. Here is the full version, 

This one makes me laugh because you can clearly tell the camera is balanced atop something, and our room is a disaster after on a few hours. We laughed about how "freeing" it was to leave our stuff lying around and not have to worry about one of our kids getting into it. We're wild ones, I tell ya, living on the edge!

We had a fantastic dinner and went for another walk afterwards. Ben suggested we walk along the river, after about 30 feet I got stuck in the mucky sand and we had to climb our way out. It wasn't pleasant at the time, but we were laughing hysterically anyway. 

The next day we slept in (SLEPT IN!!!), and took our time getting up for breakfast. We grabbed coffee and wandered Old Town again. Along the way we picked up prizes for our boys, and my parents as a thank you for enduring a sleepless night. We found some goodies at the dollar store that I was obnoxiously excited about, went to the beach again, had sushi for lunch, and grabbed ice cream at BJ's for the ride home. 

It was so much fun to spend time just the two of us and re-energize ourselves by taking some time away from the kids. Now that we've done it once, I'm looking forward to the next opportunity to do it again although it may be a while. Our boys were so excited to see us and it was such a joy to bring them a little something from our trip. Malakai still calls the magnifying glass that Ben picked out his "surprise". 

Happy Anniversary my love, each and every day as your wife is pure joy. Parenting with you is a dream come true. I love our life together and count myself blessed every moment. 

Thankful on a Thursday

This week I'm thankful for...

1061. All the hard work that went into our backyard makeover {now we just wait for the grass to grow!}

1062. The kiddos staying healthy despite both Ben + I being sick.

1063. Regaining my voice after almost a week of struggling to talk.

1064. The love and support of an amazing man.

1065. Our successful trip to Portland. So many things could have derailed the whole thing, but everything went smoothly.

1066. A fantastic boss and co- workers. I love my job!

1067. My busy boys. Des is such a speedy crawler now, he has taken to following Kai everywhere. Kai LOVES it.

1068. Getting some fun crafty supplies in the mail.

1069. Morning coffee ala French press.

1070. God's word with me wherever I go. 

{YouVersion Bible app}

Now on to a VERY busy weekend!

the latest

We just finished the process of refinancing our home. We'll save a nice amount of money every month, but it was a NIGHTMARE of a process. I'm so glad we won't be doing that again anytime soon! Thankfully my wonderful husband took care of every little detail and all I had to do was gather a few documents here and there. Thank God everything turned out well after missing the window once and having to apply for an extension (at the fault of our broker). So beyond glad to be done with that!

As the weather warms up and spring fades into summer we are in full swing planning to re-landscape the backyard with my father-in-law. It was actually our Christmas gift from Ben's parents to re do the yard and we are so excited to have nice grass! When we bought the place the yard was pretty nice, but unfortunately as it sat on the market, empty, nobody took care of the grass. So the leaves from the two towering maples fell and created a ton of muddy holes that were then filled by weeks and subsequently moss.

Unfortunately our raised beds that were here from the beginning weren't very well built. There was no foundation to secure them to the ground and they were all warped. We decided it would be best to take them apart and rebuild after the ground gets torn up with the rest of the yard. I won't be planting anything until we can rebuild, which is a bummer because who knows if I'll even make it in time to have anything edible, we shall see!

Desmond and Malakai are growing bigger and smarter every day. Des is really talkative and very close to crawling forward (instead of scooting backward). He can move himself from sitting to crawling and back. He's all over the place these days! Malakai loves to "see Desmond" and is doing much better at interacting with him gently...most of the time.

Ben + I finished reading The Hunger Games trilogy last week and are possibly going to see the movie with his parents this Friday. We have really enjoyed reading them simultaneously and talking about all the drama. We've been able to go out quite often with thanks to numerous family member willing to babysit.

Work has been busy as ever and I'm doing my best to keep up, which is one of the main reasons I haven't been updating here lately. I save blogging for times when the kids are napping simultaneously, IF I'm caught up on work that I can do from home. Since the boys haven't been cooperating by napping at the same time I've been behind on work and thus not blogging. I'm finally caught up for the moment since they finally slept for a few consecutive hours during the day!

Speaking of sleep, Des has been transitioning to only sleeping in his crib and it's been so great! He only comes into bed with us when he wakes to nurse after 5am and we both go back to sleep for a couple of hours (if Kai lets us). There have been a couple of rough nights between both kiddos the last couple weeks, but not unbearable! This morning though for some reason they both woke up at 5:45am ...OUCH!

There's surely a lot more going on that I'm missing, but that's just a quick recap of what is at the forefront of my mind at the moment...

Thankful on a Thursday- gratefulness.

So I haven't posted a Thankful list in almost 2 months. Apparently when I hit 1000 I subconsciously thought it was time for a break. I didn't realize just how long it had been (felt like maybe a week or two) until I looked back to find the last post. Yikes!

I was reminded this past Sunday during a really great sermon how important gratitude is. I need to remember all the blessings on a daily hourly basis. It helps to keep the grumpies in check.

Here's a small list of some recent things that I have to be thankful for...

1001. my health. I've been whining about this lingering cold (or whatever it is) but looking at the big picture I'm relatively healthy.

1002. fun grandparents for my kids. Both my parents + Ben's parents are so playful with our boys, they are so blessed to have grandparents who are happy to get on the floor or go outside and play with them.

1003. food. If you've been to our home you know our kitchen is TINY. It's the source of much frustration on my part when I'm trying to prepare meals, especially big ones. I get really irritated when it comes to storing large items. I digress. I am just thankful to have a home, a kitchen, and food to fill our bellies.

1004. jobs. So many people are jobless right now and are forced to relocate for work, or worse. Ben + I are well aware of how precious our jobs are. Not just for the income they provide our family, but because we both enjoy what we do and who we work with.

1005. saving money. We are in the middle of a refinance on our home. We already had a super low interest rate, but we have an opportunity to save even more per month once we're on the other side of this tedious process.

1006. My children love each other. Desmond grins and gets so happy he can't help but squirm when he sees Malakai, especially first thing in the morning. Likewise, Kai lights up and giggles just being in his brother's presence. I really hope this lasts for years to come!

1007. a happy marriage. "They" all tell you that marriage is a lot of work, and it's true. It's also beyond worth it. I couldn't imagine going through life without Ben, he's my soft place to land after a hard day.

1008. knowledge. I'm learning so many things with the new part of my job and I'm even able to apply them to the job I've been doing for over a year now. It's so nice to work with people who are willing to teach me what they know and show me patience as I learn.

1009. friends. One of my very best friends just recently got engaged and I'm over-the-moon excited for her! I can't wait to celebrate her big day. I also just appreciate the rare opportunities to sit and visit with my girl friends. Let's try to meet up more often ladies!

1010. sleep. I don't nearly get enough these days, and we've just started sleep training with Desmond (resource: The No-Cry Sleep Solution.) but when I get a few consecutive hours it feels so nice!

Want to join me? Tell me what you're thankful for this week, or do a blog post of your own and link back, I'd love to read your list!

dating my husband

Somehow after having Desmond Ben + I have managed to have an even better social life than ever before. I never thought I would say that it's "easier" to leave my baby the second time around, but it truly is. It has nothing to do with being less attached, it's about being more comfortable. I've been around the block with Kai and learned that leaving the baby with grandparents to get a night out with my husband or some work done is a very good thing for everyone.

This past Friday night Ben + I went to a special event called The Gallery of Cupcakes, put on by our friend who runs The Sassy Cupcake (on the side of about a million other awesome things that she does). We dressed up, mingled with adults, and ate cupcakes for dinner.

{my new faves}

{the manly way to eat a fancy little cupcake}

Afterward we decided to stop and get some real food (although I could totally live off of those PBJ cupcakes, so good!) and sit down to chat about something other than work and kids, like an actual date. It was so good to have that time, just for a few short hours to recharge and feel like a couple again.

Special thanks to our wonderful parents and siblings for babysitting so we can do things like this on occasion!

ups and downs

As parents we all have ups and downs. Lately I've had countless of them within the same day, sometimes within the same hour. I made my first trip out of the house with both boys on my own. Malakai miraculously let me put pants on him (no really, it was actually a miracle), but I let him wear his pj shirt and didn't even attempt the jacket because I wanted to keep the morning scream-free. I waited to put his socks and shoes on til we arrived and he'd want to get out of the car. He was sweet and cooperative all the way out the door.

I fed Desmond just before we left and wore him in an Ergobaby carrier with Kai in the cart. The belts at our grocery store are not only questionable, but too small to fit around Malakai. Needless to say, I can't step away from the cart at all. He only attempted an escape a couple of times, and there was still no screaming! The trip was going so well that I stocked up on more than I was planning on getting so that I wouldn't have to go back anytime soon!

{sent this to daddy from the store for proof}

Our day started off well and I felt like a superhero for accomplishing a daunting task for the first time with such ease. Everything fell together so nicely. Of course, that meant that the rest of the day didn't go as planned. Kai took over an hour to go down for his nap. He kept taking his diaper off and a teeny part of me really wanted to just solve the problem with some packing tape! He didn't wake up til 4pm which meant he was difficult to get to sleep, even with pushing back his bedtime. 

Ben + I were chatting last night just before bed about how much we miss each other. It's odd to be in the same 900 square foot house with someone and yet miss them. Since our boys weren't cooperating for bedtime, Ben sat with Malakai while I tried to soothe Desmond. By the time they were both asleep we were exhausted in every sense of the word.

This is the season we are in and there are many joys along with the trials. I know that I'll miss this stage once our boys no longer need us at night and are gone to school all day, but sometimes it's just plain hard. In the middle of the difficult days I still find joy in my family. I'm so thankful for them and blessed that this is my life.







P.S. Don't forget to enter the Nourish Organics giveaway, it ends tomorrow night!

Thankful on a Thursday: marriage

We're just settling in after our movie + dinner date in celebration of our 4th year of marriage. Now we start into year 5! I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend my days, weeks, months + years with than Ben.

This week I'm thankful for...

711. 4 happy years of marriage with many more to look forward to.
712. the most patient + loyal husband a woman could ask for.
713. a best friend to share each day with.
714. someone who "gets" me.
715. a playful and loving father for my sons.
716. a partner to learn the ins + outs of home-ownership and parenting with.
717. my soft place to land.
718. a sounding board for all life's dilemma's, big or small.
719. the talented musician filling our home with music.
720. the love of my life, the man I will grow old with.

what/who are you thankful for this week?

wedded bliss

1 trip to Hawaii

3 homes

hundreds of boxes

1 church

dozens of new friends gained

a handful of old ones lost

5 jobs

2 cats + a few fish

1 guest room turned nursery

1 guest room turned play room

4 tvs

6 coats of paint

dozens of DIY's

3 deaths

hundreds of neighborhood walks

2 pregnancies

2 sons

1 birth, 1 pending

dozens of burger joints

a handful of fancy restaurant dates

not nearly enough movies at the theater

9 seasons of Survivor

121 episodes of Lost

9 birthdays 

4 camping trips

6 hospital visits

1 surgery

0 broken bones

hundreds of arguments

tons of patience + forgiveness

millions of kisses

unending grace

4 years of abounding joy

Ben + I are celebrating our 4th year of wedded bliss today. We feel that this past year has gone by the fastest out of all of them. We actually had to look back at my blog archives to remember what we did for our anniversary last year!

I am just as happy (if not happier) now being Mrs. Pottorf as I was the day it became official just 4 years ago on the most popular of wedding days.

{7.7.07}

Happy Anniversary to my beloved husband, Ben, the most sincere and patient man I have ever known and the one that will forever have my heart.

Thankful on a Thursday: Like a Flood

All this week I've had the chorus from Like a Fire by Planetshakers stuck in my head.

Come like a flood and saturate me now

You’re all I want

Come like the wind and sweep throughout this place

You’re all we want

It's what comes to mind when I think of all the blessing that has been piled upon us lately. It's coming from all sides, like a flood. Usually people refer to hardships by saying "when it rains, it pours". Earlier this week Ben tweeted "Praise Him from whom all blessings flow. And when it rains...it pours!"  and I found myself with a new perspective on the depth of suffering versus the depth of blessing. I've been blessed big in my lifetime before, but I am really feeling this down pour of provision and protection from God like never before. 

If you aren't aware of what I'm referring to, be sure to read yesterday's post and it will be obvious what I'm thankful for this week...

As if that blessing weren't enough, there's more.

This week I'm beyond thankful for...

681. Not only are we covered for nearly all Kai's surgery costs, but we are covered until April 2012 for future costs we incur through that particular medical group. Memorial Day, we took Kai to Urgent Care for a sprained ankle...covered. In October, our baby is born at the same hospital...covered (besides my OBGYN costs). 

682. The opportunity to buy Ben's parents' car that we are constantly borrowing at a VERY affordable price. This won't happen for another month or two, but I am REALLY looking forward to having a car!

683. The return of Malakai's appetite...for the most part. 

{loves chips + salsa just like daddy. Bananas + spaghetti sauce are yummy too}

684. The confidence Ben has in our God. Sometimes he had to bring me back to the knowledge that God would provide, and provide He did!

685. Volunteers. Summer is difficult for consistent volunteers in kid's ministry, but I have some very faithful people putting in extra shifts and a handful of new volunteers eager to serve!

686. the sunshine + the rain. Both of which are making my first garden grow, grow, grow!

687. How my dear husband is always making me laugh...

{he came down dressed like this after going through things at his parent's house}

688. a library card. I borrowed some kids books about gardening and waiting for baby for Kai and Deceptively Delicious for me. I can't wait to try out some of the recipes!

689. a quiet house while my sweet boy naps. This has been a rough week for sleep...Kai is definitely cutting those 2 year molars. 

690. A mother-in-law who babysits, and a father-in-law who sprays our weeds while I'm at work.

What are you thankful for this week?

29th

My golden birthday was the 29th of December and I've finally found some time to sit down and tell you  all about it!

On the 28th as we were going to bed I started to feel achey and had a bad case of the chills. I had a slight fever of 99.1 and felt pretty awful. I haven't had a fever for over 6 years! At 2am Malakai woke up with teething pain (no fever, thank goodness!) and my fever had jumped to 100.1 and Ben was at 99.5 degrees. I was sure we'd have to cancel all our plans for the next couple of days. We woke up late feeling achey but our fevers were gone and never came back.

Ben made us pancakes for my birthday breakfast. While he was cooking I decided to check my email and saw a tweet he had just sent linking to his blog. He had written this story for my birthday. It was very sweet and of course I teared up while reading it. Then he handed me our notebook that we write letters in back + forth (something we started while we were dating back in 2006!) he had written me a note for my birthday. I noticed that some of the letters were darker than others. He had hidden a message in it!

I figured it out quickly and the message revealed what our plans were for the afternoon. He was taking me to La Perla, a pizzeria we had always wanted to go to. It's run by the same owners of one of our favorite restaurants, Bepe & Gianni's. We got a bit of a late start, but at 1:30pm Ben's parents came to hang out while Malakai napped so we could go out.

We had a wonderful relaxed lunch. It was nice to get out just the two of us (it had been a while) and the food was awesome!

As we got in the car Ben told me to check my jacket pocket. In it was this clue...

and before I knew it we were off on a scavenger hunt! We went to the chapel at our alma mater where we first met. 

From there the next clue took us to Autzen Stadium, where we had gone to a football game on the day we found out we were expecting Malakai. 

Next was our first apartment together, which was my apartment that we lived in for a few short weeks before moving into a house.

 After that the clues took us to the starbucks drive thru where I had to use the internet to find out next clue, which took us back home.

All along the way the clues told me about my birthday gifts. One was an itunes download of my choice, another was some downtime while Ben de-clutters the house, and another Starbucks drink. The last gift was in our trunk and it was Chalk Ink markers for my chalkboard!

The whole day was very unexpected. I felt so special and was really proud of Ben for keeping it all from me for so long!

Golden

Tomorrow is my golden birthday.

I have no idea what the day holds. Ben has done better than ever at keeping the entire day a secret. In fact, I'm actually typing this from the confines of my bedroom as he schemes away secretly on the other side of the door. I'll just be hiding here, relaxing, waiting for him to tell me I can come out + play.

It's news to me that not everyone knows what a "golden birthday" is. Bonus points if you can guess...which also means you'll know how old I'm turning. Yikes! I have also nicknamed this birthday my "forever age" as I will from this day forward claim to be this age whenever asked, as my mother did before me.

Don't judge, it's my birthday {almost}.

Thankful on a Thursday: my boys

I'm so mixed up after the long weekend and being sickies that I forgot it was Thursday. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, it's been a rough couple of weeks. But, I have so much to be thankful for. Every time I start to feel overwhelmed or just plain crummy, I can count on Malakai to do something new, hilarious, or adorable to make me smile. He and Ben are both very good at turning around even the worst days.

This week I'm thankful for...


401. messes that make me laugh.

402. a husband who sweeps me off my feet.

403. the ability to change my mood when I start out with a bad one.

404. getting my son to eat protein other than cheese or peanut butter!

{mmm, turkey meatloaf!}

405. our christmas/birthday/birthday present arriving today.

406. a glimpse at how wonderful Malakai will be at the big brother thing, someday.

{trying to help Eden with her binkie- he did this with no prompting!}

407. our family finally getting over this cold.

408. rainy days.

{Malakai was thrilled to go out in the rain in his new jacket}

409. the third round of "short rounds" in 3 weeks. We might be obsessed. I'm definitely bringing these to all the Christmas gathering later this month.

410. Building forts, and this adorable "uhoh" face.

What puts you in a better mood when things get rough? What are you thankful for?

Thankful on a Thursday: influencing change

As those of you who have been reading here for a while know, I talk a lot about change (hence the name of this space). It's one of few things in this world that you can always count on. Much of it is out of our control, and I really prefer it that way. What I mean is, that I try to let go of as much as I can so that God can lead.

I also know that letting God lead doesn't mean waiting around for things to happen. Ecclesiastes 10:18 says "If a man is lazy, the rafters sag; if his hands are idle, the house leaks." This is just one of many Biblical examples of why not to be stagnant in your faith.

It's important to find balance with God between taking control over your own affairs and not letting God's guidance in and sitting around doing nothing in the name of trusting in God. How unique is it to be a follower of Christ that we get to have a relationship with our God and commune with Him in this life through the Holy Spirit.

I am the most guilty of waiting idly for God to fix things when it comes to finances. I know it's important to trust in God for provision, but I also need to partner with Him and let Him guide me to solutions when there are problems. Easier said than done, but I'm trying.

Ben + I have also realized that we've let the romance in our relationship take a back burner to many things like home ownership and especially parenthood. It's the concept of the squeakiest wheel getting the oil first. I finally had to speak up a little louder for us to come to a realization that we were starting to fall behind in caring for our marriage.

We are far from having deep marital issues, and we show each other love + affection on a daily basis. However, we were still in a bit of a rut romantically. Each evening we'd both be so exhausted that after Malakai went to sleep we'd lazily sit in front of the tv until bedtime. It wasn't good enough, for either of us. We're influencing change that we finally realized needed to happen. We came together to do household tasks as a team, planned more family outings and more importantly date nights, we started doing small things for each other to show our love and bigger things to show our commitment. Since making these changes, while most are quite subtle, I've felt a big difference in my mood each day.

I am so thankful for :

351. change. good, bad + everything in between.

352. The Loerke's of Today's Letters. They have such a fun take on marriage. Ben + I have used some of the tips from their blog. If you haven't already, please check them out.

353. Our son who teaches us how to love in a new way each day.

354. relationships. I'm so blessed to have close family + friends in real life and through the internet.

355. my sweet husband who takes such good care of us physically, emotionally, + spiritually.

356. a chance to gather with other mom's at church this morning + make new connections.

357. our HVAC system. So much better than the space heaters we had at the old house in previous fall + winter chills.

358. again, Kai's grandmas. Both are always willing to babysit which allows us to go on date nights!

359. Malakai running around through the pumpkin patch, so much wonder + joy despite the clouds + rain.

{our little blur, running through the patch- more on this tomorrow}

360. as always, my God, Jehovah Jireh who is everything I need at all times.

What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful on a Thursday: growing older

Earlier this week while unpacking Ben + I found our  pre-marital counseling workbooks. Late last night we were reading through them.

Some things made us chuckle.

Like one of Ben's rules: "If the bedroom is messy at least have places to walk on the floor. (aisles)"

Other things made me really reflect on how our relationship has changed and grown, and how it's stayed the same.

Another thing Ben wrote:

Plans we share for our future include: "Living in a house, having kids, possibly owning a house, marriage."

I jokingly said, "well I guess we can die happy now" since we've done all those things. Obviously it was only a joke. But in seriousness, even though we've dabbled in all of those things, most of them we are still new at {relatively speaking}.

We've been married for just over 3 years. It has been wonderful, but there's so much more ahead for us that I can't wait to see what God has planned. Same with parenthood. We've been daddy + mama to Malakai for almost 15 months and it's new every day.

We moved into a house {out of an apartment} in August of 2007, a month after we got married. We rented until last March when we bought our new home. It was an amazing feeling and we love owning our home. We're so excited to open it up to family + friends in the near future for a fairly late housewarming. We've got lots to do, and 90% won't be done by the time we have that open house, and that's okay.

We all know that growing older, moving forward, + just doing life is something that changes every day. In some ways it's so insignificant we can barely see the change until we look back and see how far we've come. Other times it's something so huge it disrupts everything as soon as it takes place.

All I know is that I love doing life with those that God has blessed me with. I love learning how to be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend + especially a better follower of Christ. Even when it gets hard and especially in the moments that seem dark because there is so much to be learned in it. And because it's what makes the joys in life that much brighter.

This week I'm thankful for:

321. the way my husband makes me laugh.

322. watching Malakai transform into a walking, talking, "reading", pretending,   laughing, playing little toddler.

323. provision.

324. homemade blueberry muffins for breakfast- every morning this week.

325. change.

326. cool, crisp, sunny days + the leaves starting to turn.

327. a full fridge + pantry after a quick grocery shopping trip.

328. the dozens of comments Malakai gets from strangers whenever I take him anywhere.

329. my dream job.

330. growth.

Join us...

What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful on a Thursday: the first year

Tomorrow is sweet Malakai's 1st Birthday and marks our first year as parents. It has been the fastest moving, but best ever year of my life thus far. I know it'll keep getting better as we watch Malakai grow and bless him with siblings along the way.

This week has been crazy with balancing the usual busy schedule that we keep and adding party planning. I've also given myself plenty of extra time to lay-low and reflect on this past year while enjoying the current stage that Kai is in.

I'm thankful for...

201. how relatively happy and easy-going Malakai has been. He's had his moments of fit throwing and crankiness but overall is such a joy. We're always getting comments on how easily he smiles.

202. the way Ben and I continually find our "groove" as parents. We've pretty seamlessly moved in and out of stages, schedules, routines and the like as Kai's needs rapidly evolved.

203. becoming a morning person. Although I'm still as reluctant as ever to get up in the morning, once I'm awake I like mornings with Malakai the best.

204. playtime and watching my son learn. He's so SMART! {I know every parent says that, and they're all right!}. He just soaks up new things so quickly and easily.

205. good health. We still may be facing complications with Malakai in the future {we'll find out more at his 12 month visit this Monday} and we've had a few other scares, but overall he's been a very healthy boy.

206. support. The support of our friends + family since before he was born as been overwhelming and so wonderful.

207. my ability to "nurse" for his first year. With the biting at 8 months, it made things a bit difficult but I was determined to persevere. We just started introducing cow's milk last week, I can hardly imagine what it will be like to not provide for him in that way anymore.

208. God's provision. All along, from paying hefty medical bills and buying our first home to putting food on our table and diapers in the nursery we have never been without the things we NEED.

209. sweet snuggles + sleep sharing. The latter doesn't happen very often anymore, but my FAVORITE thing to do is snuggle up with my sweet boy and just enjoy his existence so close to mine.

210. This family. I'm so blessed to be Ben's wife and Malakai's mama. I love my boys so much!

What are you thankful for this week?







PS don't forget to enter my giveaway! ending tonight at 5pm PDT.