Thankful for Mothers

I know I'm late on my thankful post, but better late than never. I wanted to be sure to share my thankful list as it relates to mothers + mothering.

I'm thankful for...

1041.  the opportunity to mother my children every day. I get to learn and grow with them and I find that to be a huge blessing.

1042. my mom. She is thoughtful, caring, loving; everything a mother should be. She is my best friend and a fantastic grandmother to our boys.

1043.  my mother-in-law. She has become like a mom to me over the past 6 years and I'm increasingly grateful for our friendship. She's also a wonderful grandma.

1044. My gram. She is such a fun lady and we don't see her often enough.

1045. Ben's grandmas. I've enjoyed getting to know them over the years and they are so sweet with our boys.

1046. My late great-grandma. I miss her tons, I often wish she could be around to meet my kids and see me as a mother.

1047. Mama friends. I have so many friends of all ages with kids at every stage who are great role models for a young(ish) mom like me.

1048. Getting to parent with Ben. He is such a great father and husband and I credit him with much of my ability to mother our sons well. I especially look to him for guidance in being more patient; with our boys and with myself.

1049. teaching my children. As a teacher I enjoy and look forward to teaching my kids at home, but will most definitely be sending them to public school once they are kindergarten age (and of course supplementing their learning at home then as well!)

1050. the funny + sweet moments. As I write this, Malakai began to stir during his nap...and is currently falling asleep sitting up. Yesterday he called me a "stinker". Desmond's belly laughs are the best pick-me-ups of all time, and I just love watching his little personality begin to shine through. Watching my sons play and interact is one of the best rewards parenting has to offer.

{the three of us on a typical day; Kai trying to help Desmond out with a "rope"}

Motherhood has it's ups and downs and it would be very easy to get caught up in the difficult parts and be ungrateful for the rest. Just today Kai threw a pretty epic fit that had me clenching my teeth. Every single day I choose to love mothering, even the hard parts. 

{mama + her boys}

What/who are you thankful for this week?

limits

Last week I worked in my garden a bit too long and on came the back pain. I remember this specific pain in the sciatic nerve from my pregnancy with Malakai, but it has been much worse this time around. Probably just one of the joys of an aging body that has done this all before.

I was hoping that by stretching and carefully limiting intense activities that I'd be okay in a day or so. It's been over a week and it has gotten worse. I started to question it out loud to Ben last night, complaining that I'd been taking it easy that day. Then I realized I had been lifting my 30lb toddler in and out of the car and into shopping carts + strollers all morning. Bingo.

There's not a whole lot I can do to avoid lifting Malakai altogether, but I guess even running some errands and a quick trip to the library can be a little too much at 7 months pregnant. It's hard to avoid feeling like my body is failing me, but I have to remember that it's busy doing something very important and I have a very sweet and loving husband to help with the laundry, weeding, and lifting for as long as I need it.

Dear Malakai...

Dear sweet Malakai,
Today you are officially two years old. It's hard to believe that it has been a year since your 1st birthday and two since the day we saw your handsome face for the first time. You look even more like your daddy than ever before, but have a few of my features and a look all your own at the same time.

{7.16.09}

Over the last year you've become even more fiercely independent. I tend to describe you as a very strong willed child. You don't throw tantrums very often or for very long and I'm so thankful for that. However, on a rough day it makes it hard to know how to deal with your break downs because it's so rare. Although I see more fits in our near future. While it's exhausting I'm here to learn through this stage with you and come out better at communicating with one another on the other side.

You love to explore and figure out how things work. Buckles, buttons, and just about anything that comes apart or moves fascinates you. You've discovered digging in the dirt, collecting rocks, and a love of swimming. You are adventurous and fearless. If left to your own devices you would walk straight into the swimming pool or off the edge of the deck, you're still learning boundaries and what it means when something is dangerous. You do understand when you get hurt and will tell us by saying "hurt" or "ouch" and then "tiss" for a healing kiss from mama or daddy. We love that part, especially because it's most often nothing that really hurts you.

On the eve of your birthday you had your first big accident. You ran head first into a sharp cornered piece of furniture and it knocked you back hard. When I picked you up you had blood running down your face but you calmed down faster than mama did. Thankfully you didn't need stitches but the visit to the doctor was still an unpleasant one.

Over this year we have settled in to our 2nd home together, you learned to walk, had your first real sickness, tried many new "nummies", started to talk and do odd things in your sleep (just this past week you've taken to stripping from the waist down and falling asleep that way), you've memorized some of your favorite stories and read them to yourself,  you've also ripped many books and broken many crayons among other things,  you've destroyed almost every "baby proofing" device, you had your first haircut, you've learned the names of your closest loved ones, you experience your first and 2nd snow,  attempted potty learning but then  you have endured and overcome a painful hernia and surgery to correct it and the issue you had at birth, you've mastered nearly half the alphabet and quite a few numbers and love to sing the abc's and the birthday song, you love to sing + dance, you are increasingly polite; using please and thank you without being asked, you like to pray before meals and always say "may-men" afterwards, you are able to repeat just about any word thrown your way as long as you're in the right mood, you've developed a love of animals, you've learned to climb the furniture and love to empty your drawers in an attempt to find clothes for going outside, you can get yourself completely undressed and partially dressed, you still love to snuggle with mama + daddy on occasion, and so very much more...

I am so excited and blessed to continue to watch you as you learn and grown physically, mentally, and spiritually over yet another year. I pray that you never forget how deep our love is for you, especially once we welcome your little brother into our family in the fall. I am confident you will grow into the role of big brother quickly and enthusiastically. You are so strong and resilient and inspire me to be the same for you and our family.

Today is the first day of your THIRD year of life! Happy 2nd Birthday Malakai Benson, I love you very much.

Yours,
Mama.

my 2nd mother's day

Mother's day was quite a blur this year. Since I had to work from 8am- 1pm that morning Ben made me breakfast on Saturday morning instead. Waffles and hot decaf coffee, just want I wanted. The rest of the day went by quickly as I had to prepare for a team meeting of all my incredible volunteers that was happening that night. Had I known how busy the weekend where most Mother's get to relax would be, I would have rethought choosing to meet then, but it was the only day in all of May that wasn't crossed out when I took into account everyone's availability. The meeting went well and we ate a lot of great food!

Sunday I went off to church/work while the boys stayed home and concocted my Mother's Day surprises. I went about my morning during 1st service as usual. Just before logging off of my computer to oversee transitions in the classrooms I decided to change my desktop photo. I came here to my blog thinking I'd save a photo of Malakai as my background photo, but there was an unfamiliar post staring back at me. Ben had written some very beautiful and meaningful words and I'm so glad that I was alone when I read it because of course I cried. I also thought I had perhaps stumbled upon something that was meant for later.

Once Ben + Malakai arrived at church (with a special Mother's Day starbucks drink for me) I told him I'd seen his post and loved it. He assured me it was okay that I had discovered it already as he had meant for me to find it by surprise whenever I had happened to check in around here. What a thoughtful and surprising way to express his love and appreciation for me!

We checked Malakai into the nursery and he was having a really hard time transitioning. His whole life he has had no problem with us dropping him off. He barely notices we're gone, but lately he's been very attached. At first it was to me, but now it's both of us. It's sweet, but so very sad. I don't want him to get too upset for fear of him aggravating his hernia and I also feel like I've entered unfamiliar territory because he's not done this til now. I think his mood swings and attachment are due to a combination of teething and him sensing the changes happening around us (my pregnancy and his upcoming surgery).

Ben and I rarely argue and if we do, it's quite subdued. We never raise our voices or use harsh tones that would indicate to Malakai that something were wrong, but I think he can just feel it. I'm hoping that after his surgery everything settles down a bit and we can all breathe a little easier.

Anyway, after church Malakai napped and Ben told me I could request whatever I wanted for lunch. I chose Cafe Yumm! and we ate while watching the SNL Mother's Day episode. Once Kai woke up he and Ben presented me with a gift.

{It says "Happy Mother's Day" and "+1" with an arrow toward the mama's belly}

Malakai was hesitant to hand it over, but once I got it he watched me open it. Then he reluctantly posed for a photo. I love handmade gifts and that Malakai is old enough to do some art projects. He and daddy collaborated on this one and it will take a very special place in my frame, which was last year's gift!

Later that afternoon we headed over to celebrate my mom and have dinner with my immediate family. The last part of my gift, which is also our gift to my mom is a date for us girls to go to Sweet Life for dessert.

Overall it was a wonderful day and turned out to be more relaxing than I had anticipated. Now I am working tirelessly to get our house in order before Malakai's surgery so we can focus all our time and energy on him and his recovery (more on that later).

How was your Mother's Day? I hope it was special!

Thankful on a Thursday

I've been terrible about posting pictures all week. My blog looks so boring right now! I know, it's very much not like me, but due to sheer exhaustion this is going to be another post without photos. Maybe I'll make up for it tomorrow.... maybe.

This will also be a short post as I'm waiting for a certain little boy to fall asleep so I can take a nap as well. I just had to move all the toys away from arms reach around his crib as he was trying to grab for them. I also had to swap about his blanket for a different one since he was chewing the fuzz off of it. Kids can be so strange sometimes.

This week I'm thankful for...

541. new words: this week Malakai started saying yogurt and dinosaur. Although they sounded more like "dough-dut" and "dio-dose".

542. Ben finishing a 10 week long Wednesday night class for work. With worship practice that was two nights in a row without daddy.

543. friends. All you ladies out there have been so supportive as I whine + complain about all of our hardships lately. Thanks for listening and offering advice. I wish more of you lived closer so we could get together!

544. spring. While it's still over a week away until it's officially spring, we have hyacinth and crocus blooming outside already.

545. naps. I'm pretty sure I said this last week, but I am so thankful to be staying at home and working a part time job that allows me to flexibility of taking a nap while Kai does. Albeit my house is a mess, it has been nice.

546. A consultation appointment with Kai's surgeon tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting some answers and moving forward with correcting his hernia so we can be done with it all.

547. being heartburn free for two days. Thanks to my father-in-laws advice on medicine dosage, I found relief! This has also made my appetite stronger.

548. cravings. I will welcome any leaning towards eating food since everything pretty much sounds terrible most of the time. Yesterday morning it was cinnamon rolls, so I went with it and made some. yum!

549. my husband. He is so patient + understanding when I am being difficult, easily irritated, and grouchy. Thanks for dealing with me Ben!

550. siblings. Including my in-laws. I love all 4 of you, and wish we saw you all more often.

What are you thankful for this week? If you post about it on your blog, leave me a link!

expecting

On Wednesday the 9th I took a home pregnancy test first thing in the morning. I left it on the bathroom counter and did a couple of things to get the house ready before getting Malakai out of bed. I went back to the test real quick, expecting it to be negative like the one I had done just a week before, but was completely surprised by what I saw. A plus sign.

When we found out I was pregnant with our first, Malakai, it was a weekend and Ben checked the test with me. This time, he was at work. I was so filled with excitement and disbelief. I went in to tell Malakai that he's going to be a big brother. Then I agonized all day over how to tell Ben when he got home. I wanted to do something special and creative, something different. We only have one car, which Ben takes to work, so I was limited to what was in our house.

I finally figured something out and waited until Malakai's afternoon nap to put it all together. I decided to mimic the reveal after Ben's proposal (a story I'll share here in detail some day). I set up a stuffed animal he had bought me when we were dating, Gregory the elephant, with the first note.

Next was one of Malakai's first toys, Gaffe the giraffe, with the second note.

Last was this box, with a note inside...

and the pregnancy tests. (I took a 2nd one that afternoon to really confirm the positive result).

I couldn't wait for him to come home, the anticipation was killing me! He didn't even notice set up on our dining room table at first, I had to point it out. I had the camera ready and took a few photos as he read each note. He had an excited grin on his face, but he wasn't quite sure what to expect.

When he read the last note he asked "four?" and I said, "yeah, the 3 of us plus 1 more equals 4..." and then he smiled big and said sweetly "you're pregnant!"and got up to hug me.

Hindsight is almost always 20/20. We looked back on some of the signs, although they were a bit different than last time. The biggest thing is how dead tired I've been, but we just figured it was my nasty chest cold and the fact that I lift + chase a 27 lb. toddler all day. I haven't felt nauseous but with Kai I didn't feel it until 7 weeks, so I'm not thinking we're in the clear for "morning" sickness yet. I am already having some nasty round-ligament pains, worse than the first time around, which doesn't make sense to me.

I know it's early to make the big announcement, we're estimating I'm at about 6 weeks. We decided that this time around, if something were to go wrong we'd rather have the support of those we love and care about rather than keep our excitement a secret for 12 weeks.

My first appointment is this afternoon. We're really hoping for an early ultrasound since a number of things make figuring out the due date a bit more difficult this time around. As of now, it's October 7th, 2011.

photo friday: the last 2 years

I've been compiling favorite photos for my yearly photo calendar. Our 2010 calendar had photos from each month in 2009. This year, I'm now going through our 2010 photos to create the new calendar, which means I come across photos like this.

{June 2010, 11 months}

Not to mention all of these...

{January, February + March 2010}

And then I realize I'll never get anything done, because the cuteness + nostalgia overload is more than I can take.

Happy Weekend,

PS what is that blue steel look? I'm dying!

About Malakai: eighteen months

Malakai Benson is 18 months old today.  A year and a half ago he looked like this-

{my teeeensy tiny, peaceful, + quiet baby}

And today he looks like this-

{my big, wild, + noisy toddler}

These days he is doing something new everyday. Yesterday he pointed at G'Pa and said "whatdat newt?"..."what's that nose?" We all had a good laugh. A little later he found the microphone for his Aunt Nanner's Disney Wii game and started to sing + dance while watching himself in the mirror.

Kai is all boy. He loves to wrestle, run, and jump. He also does a few strange things like bash his head or his mouth into the wall, the couch, daddy's knee. As I type this he is putting his mega blocks in the sink while daddy tries to do the dishes. He knows when he's doing something wrong, he'll say "no no no" or "uhoh" but then continue to do it. He doesn't seem to mind time-outs very much, but they can still be a good reset for unwanted behavior. 

He loves to try to push the buttons on my laptop or shut the lid on my hands while I'm typing. He puts toys into the back of the tv's speakers, tries to push the power button, gets into all drawers + cupboards. He climbs whatever he can to get to the couch, drags the end table from the living room into the kitchen + back, slides the outlet protector off, opens the oven door latch, and unlocks the latch on the dishwasher while it's running. He likes to turn the handle on the diaper pail, throw toys, hit with toys, grab other kids by their clothes to move them out of his way, and he is still resistant to sharing- especially toys that he knows are his. 

He also loves to gives hugs + kisses, snuggles up on daddy's shoulder at night, dance while holding his glow worm, climb into a loved ones lap to listen to a story, flip through the pages of his Old McDonald book + sing "eieio". He still falls asleep in the car + lets mama transfer him to bed. He loves to play peek-a-boo, giggles endlessly at a specific scene of Elmo tripping on a pile of apples, says "bwease" if you dare stop swinging, tickling, bouncing, or pushing him in a basket or box around the room like it's a racecar. He always has a smile for someone new, even when he's acting shy at first. He gets so excited when he sees his grandparents, waves "bye" when anyone is leaving, blows kisses, tries on everyone's shoes, and puts mama's purse on his shoulder. He knows that when the garage door creaks it means that daddy is home, and he does a little happy dance and runs to the door. He's loving + sweet and so perfectly innocent + full of wonder. 

Some of the words + phrases he's saying are:

"what's that?" 

"there you are!"

"Elmo, please"

"hi, mama!"

"bye!" with a wave

"up, please!"

"all done"

"nuh-night"

"eieio"

"niiiice"

"doggie"

"meow"

"nana" (banana)

"nummies"

"pizza"

"hot dog"

"water" (when it's raining)

There are many many more. He's just soaking up information like a little sponge. Ben + I are always looking at each other in awe of how quickly he learns something. 

He's been working on all four cuspid teeth at once and has been for over a month. His gums are inflamed and at times he is visible (and audibly) miserable. Last night he was chewing on everything and despite some pain meds, he would not go to sleep after 2 hours of trying different techniques to calm + soothe him. At 18 months old, we had to go back to the tried + true method of going on a long drive. Thankfully he almost always transfers well. 

So, he is very much a toddler, but still sometimes my baby. It's going by so fast, each stage that has passed is already hard to remember. I want to soak him up and live in the moment. 

We're so proud of our growing little boy. 

first haircut

I was so, so, so nervous about cutting Malakai's hair. For weeks now I've been contemplating it, but would back down out of fear. A big part of my apprehension was that I'd be doing the job myself. I've cut Ben's hair exclusively for almost 5 years, so I have experience, but not with super fine curly baby hair. And not with MY son's precious golden locks.

It seems silly to put such importance on this little event, but it's definitely more about what it means than the literal act.

He's growing up. I don't like it much.

I mean...look at this transformation...

From sweet baby to little boy in just twenty minutes. He now looks even more like his daddy, which I never thought could be possible. 

I literally couldn't throw any of his curls on the ground as I cut them off I set them down on the table. I felt neurotic doing it, but I just couldn't bear to not keep them all. So now they're all in a little baggie. 

A keepsake to tuck into a pocket of his baby book. A reminder, just in case those curls never come back. 

routine

I've never had much of a routine. My whole life it seems as soon as I start to get into a groove something changes. Within the last couple of years I've learned to expect and embrace the changes. That's where the name of my blog comes from as we're constantly on the brink of something new.

A lot of women, especially moms, seem to have a daily routine. This is something I've only dabbled in, but never tried with much fervor. When I was a college student I grew accustom to spontaneity and quite enjoyed the ability to do almost anything I wanted whenever I wanted. That and the fact that every 10 weeks I had a whole new class and work schedule. It worked for me.

When I "settled down" and got married a few years ago neither Ben or I had much of a regular schedule. He is a musician, which translates to casual and flighty for the most part and had just started a new job. I was a couple years into a job at a college which had it's seasons, but pretty much changed from a desk job to an on-the-road job every few months. Things weren't quite as spontaneous but we still had the ability to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I indulged in eating ice cream instead of lunch, watching movies uninterrupted late into the evening, heading out for coffee with a friend at a moment's notice, laying out by the pool for hours on warm summer weekends.

Near the end of my pregnancy {this time just last year} I wanted to do less, and just stay around the house more and more. We didn't go to the movies {last night we went to the theater for the first time in 2 years}, we declined the few invitations we received to go out to late dinners, and the most activity we got was walking at least a mile every day in an effort to get labor going. We were still doing what we wanted, when we wanted...we just wanted to do less.

more on Mother's Day

I forgot to mention yesterday that my mother-in-law also got me these lovelies.

Stargazers are my favorite flower. She got some for my  baby shower for Malakai, which was around this same time last year but they were left behind at our rental so she got me another one to plant at our new house. Wish me luck in keeping them alive!

My boys made yesterday such a wonderful experience. I felt so special all day long and had a lot of fun.

Ben + I got up at 7am and had a relaxing breakfast while Malakai slept in. Once he got up Ben showed me the video of them getting Malakai to do the handprints on the potholder. Then there was more video of he and Malakai working on another art project. After it was over Ben pulled a gift out from behind the couch.

{Isn't Malakai cute in his Christmas PJ's in May?}

{I got teary eyed as soon as I saw it, oh motherhood}

Then we went to 1st service at church around 9am, worked in the nursery together during 2nd at 10:30am and afterwards Ben had another surprise planned. We went to Starbucks and got my favorite sunny day drink {iced caramel machiatto} and headed to the park to take a walk by the river. However, I was wearing high heeled wedges that were not made for long walks and Malakai had fallen asleep. We decided to post-pone the walk for another day and take Kai home to keep napping while we ate lunch. 

When we got in the car later that afternoon to head to my parent's place there was ANOTHER gift waiting for me! Ben had picked out an adorable top for Malakai (because he knows how much I love it when he picks out his clothes) and a giftcard for me that specified I can ONLY buy things for me with it. 

We spent the rest of the day relaxing with my family and celebrating my wonderful mom. Here she is with all her lovely gifts from us kids. Sadly I don't think we got a photo of her with all of us. 

And here is Malakai in much more appropriate attire for the spring season. 

We had a fantastic day and I was truly blessed by all the things Ben had planned for me. Then when I went to get into bed for the night there was one last thing waiting on my pillow. A beautiful card just from Ben. He wrote me a sweet note that brought tears to my eyes. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man. I thank God for these boys every single day.

What did you do for Mother's day? How did you celebrate your mom, or get celebrated by your children?

"mom hair"- a vlog

Check out my very first vlog and be sure to commiserate with me in the comments!

P.S. Don't forget to vote for Malakai's photo in the Parents Magazine Cover Contest DAILY until May 9th.