Boy or Girl?

There has been a lot of "hype" about the gender of our 3rd child as it is our plan to only have 3 children, and because we already have 2 boys. The stakes seem higher now that my sister in law knows she's having a boy. If we have a girl she would be the 1st granddaughter on both sides.

I've recently found myself actually stressing out about our upcoming ultrasound (6 days away) and finally finding out the gender.
I've had dreams about it and I wake in the night unable to fall back asleep because I'll continue thinking about it. It's sort of embarrassing to admit that it consumed my thoughts that much, and I'm working on giving it to God and letting go (Ben totally started singing "Let It Go" to me when I told him, goof). Seriously though, I got myself to thinking that the gender of this child would define their role in our family and even define how our family functions once they complete it. Ridiculousness.

I do have a desire to have a daughter, I always have for several reasons and because I already have two sons it makes sense that we would want this child to be a girl. However, I'm going to go with the cliche and say I just want this child to be healthy. I want him or her to be who they are and to be developing correctly and born as close to perfect as possible. Even though I'd welcome the change of having another girl in the house, a healthy baby is all I really want. As for that desire to have a daughter, I feel that God has placed that in me and He will fulfill it in His own way and in his own timing. So if we have all boys, I get to look forward to a special relationship in the future that will meet that desire in a way only God could imagine for me.

I also think much of my anxieties come from the desire to plan. I've got all sorts of lists running around in my head of things to do if it's a boy or girl related to our baby gear, clothes, and the nursery. If we are having another boy we will get all of the clothing we have out of storage and go through to wash and put away, pretty simple really. If we're having a girl, I have one box of clothing to get out, then we'll go through all the boy stuff to weed out what we could still use (I honestly wouldn't mind putting a girl in her brothers' things), what we'll give away, what are keepsakes, and what might be worth selling. For our gear, either way we'll need to check on recalls and expiration dates, especially for the carrier car seat since we've had it for nearly 5 years. See how this could keep a gal up at night?!

At the end of the day I trust God and his will for us. He knows who is supposed to complete our family, boy or girl. I've learned from my 2 boys that just because they are the same gender, doesn't mean they don't have vast differences. I look forward to finding out just who this little one is and nurturing them to be themselves and to grow in the knowledge and grace of God.