Summer 2016: slow + simple

Oh this life, I love it and I want it to slow down just a teeny bit more so I have time to just bask in each moment before we are on to the next one. I really do feel fulfilled though, even in the ups and downs, the rushing from one thing to the next. I have learned a lot recently just by reflecting on what God is doing in our lives and discerning what He wants me to do with what He has given me. I've been looking at screens less, reading the Bible and just being with my people more. Doing my best to slow down and simplify life. On "paper" it doesn't look very slow or simple but it can be just by way of shifting our mindset, letting the Lord lead the way and really just saying "no" more often.  

The last two months have been very busy but it was followed by Ben going on vacation a couple weeks ago and it was 9 days of intentional laziness. We just enjoyed each others' company and only allowed a handful of social interactions outside of our household to keep it slow and simple. It was the perfect way to wrap up a very full summer. We are also intentionally kept the rest of this month as quiet as possible as well as we head into a new school year. Malakai just started 2nd grade and Desmond is now in full day Kindergarten. 

Desmond doesn't turn 5 until the beginning of October, just missing the September 1st deadline by 5 weeks. We decided to go through the process of petitioning for him to start school "early" and see how it went. We didn't put any pressure on him or even tell him about it. When it came time for the mandatory IQ test in early July we just said that we told the school how smart he is and they wanted him to show them what he knew. He had a blast doing the activities and answering the questions. I really enjoyed listening to his answers from the back of the room. He had to score in the 90th percentile to qualify for early admission. We didn't get results until a month later. While we waited to hear back we continued to be prayerful over the situation, that if he got in it would be what should happen and if he didn't that we were meant to keep him home for another year of Pre-K.  We were excited for him when he was accepted for early entrance but also a little sad to not have him at home with me all day. I will miss the easy hours of play with Desmond while Aurelia napped, and watching him run across the street to help our neighbor with yard work. I know he has been craving a structure that has been increasingly difficult to provide with baby sister in tow. Des is so ready for school, he has shown it with his eagerness to go and his excitement about it when he comes home.


Aurelia and I have 6 hours to ourselves 5 days a week. I keep saying I won't know what to do with myself. I mean it because it will be a lot of free time opened up during her naps, but also because I have so many things I'd like to accomplish I'm not sure where I should start! Most of all I am just excited for some quality one on one time with my girl. The boys however, I will have to be more intentional about quality time with now. We plan to really slow down weekends when October hits. September is full of family birthdays, or what I like to affectionately call #SeptemberBirthdayFrenzy -Between Ben nearly half of the immediate family birthdays fall in September. When you start counting our extended family that number just gets bigger, which makes for quite the busy time! 

The next 6 weeks are also going to be quite full now that both boys are in fall soccer. We have back to back practices twice a week and I don't even know the game schedule yet but there will be 14 games over that time. I was unloading our minivan at our first double practice earlier this week, filling up the wagon with chairs, waterbottles, toys and a picnic dinner while the boys changed into their cleats and I thought to myself...I have reached official soccer mom status. It cracks me up because it's not really my thing, but it's theirs...so it gets to be mine now too. I love watching these kids discover what they like and what they're good at. 

So I bid a fond farewell to the long days and late nights of summer and hello to the bustle of fall!

On sleep

We have truly been in just about every situation imaginable when it comes to sleep with our 3 little ones. This post is about our journey and what has worked for us with each child (to the best of my ever-fleeting memory) and hopefully a little help for you in your current struggles to get yourself and/or your littles to sleep peacefully.

going, going, gone! 

Our oldest, Malakai, was born during a heatwave in the summer of 2009. At the time we didn't have air conditioning except a small portable unit in the main living space. We had not planned to co-sleep because we honestly had no idea what that was or what it meant. Malakai had his own set of plans. We had an antique bassinet by my side of the bed for him to be in our room, but he slept best in my arms, and so that's what we did. He napped fairly well, it was mostly night time that was the struggle. Him being our only child and my staying home full time meant that we could be flexible with sleep for the most part. We thought it was bad, but my current experiences scoff at how easy those days were.

I thought Malakai would be swaddled until he left for college ;)

By 15 months old though, Kai was still not sleeping through the night. He didn't take a pacifier and was weaned but still needed soothed to sleep. This meant myself or mostly Ben walking him around until he fell into a deep enough sleep that he didn't notice when we'd set him down. Letting him cry to sleep was not an option for our situation. He would get hysterical (to the point of vomiting, rather quickly) and we just couldn't stand it.

We read Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and implemented the routines that worked best for us and he was soon sleeping through the night. It only took a couple weeks and it was so wonderful. I still recommend this book as it's suggestions and habits have come in handy with all of our children. Sure, there was sleep regression when we hit a tough bout of teething or a cold, but ultimately we could always retrain using the tactics we learned and going back to our routines.

In the fall of 2011, Desmond joined us. We received a co-sleeper that attached to our bed and were wondering where this magic had been the last couple years! Then we had our first experience with "colick", I was reduced to tears on several occassions and frequently felt like a failure. After a few weeks of it went by, it settled as it often does (cling to that if you find yourself in the throes of colick, it ALWAYS gets better!). From then Des was pretty content to sleep just about anywhere. He napped fairly frequently in a bouncy type seat with his special "lovey" in the middle of the living room while I made lunch and Malakai (then just over 2) played rather noisely as usual.

Malakai, Desmond + Aurelia...swings + bouncy seats to the rescue!

Desmond regressed into needing constant soothing to sleep and at about 15 months had learned to swing one leg over and hoist himself out of bed. We were NOT ready to transition to a toddler bed (and of course, neither was he) so we found our solution in the form of a few sleep sacks. First it worked but the bottom was so wide that he could still climb out, just with more effort. So, I sewed up the sides to make them narrower and ta-dah! no more crib-climing baby. When he learned to work the zipper (because he was baby houdini) we turned them backwards, but eventually he was in a toddler bed and ready to roll. In order to get him to sleep and not play we got into a bad habit of soothing him to sleep and laying him down every night, every nap. This continued even when we put the boys in the same room and turned the other into a "play room" to keep the toys from being a distraction. Someone always had to lay with him to get him to bed, which meant Malakai wanted that too.

Malakai stopped napping, so he would play in the other room while I lay down with Desmond for a nap, which often took a LONG time. At night Ben and I would both find ourselves laying in their little beds, waiting for them to fall asleep. We remembered our previous routines and began to implement them again. It took a while but things got better. One of the best tactics was agreeing to snuggle with each of them, but just for a few minutes. We had worked it all the way down to 1 minute and eventually stopped laying with them after stories and devotions altogether. They've had moments of bothering each other over the years, but for the most part they have always done really well sharing a room.

More recently, Malakai has had a run in with some anxiety and nightmares so I have started to lay down with each of them for "one minute" after lights out. I don't mind this at all, in fact, I look forward to it. I get a small amount of snuggle time with each of them. I pray over them, run my fingers through their hair and kiss their heads before tip-toeing out and whispering "see you when the sun comes up" which was something that we started to tell Malakai years ago and it just stuck. I will continue to do this for as long as they want me to.

Another way we have battled night time worries, bad dreams, and other sleep disturbances is implementing the use of essential oils. We have been using oils regularly for nearly 3 years and the more I use them, the more I am pleased with the outcome. I'd love to share details about this portion of our journey with you. Please feel free to email me to find out which oils we use and how to get some to try!

The boys were 5 and 3 when Aurelia was born. Raeli has been all over the map in terms of sleep. As a newborn she slept wonderfully, and it lasted until we had to stop swaddling her around 6 months because she would roll over in her sleep. We tried all methods of soothing her to sleep, including the multiple different ideas in our go-to resource, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" but the only thing that worked was to ease her into bed time as much as we could, get her drowsy and lay her down, letting her cry a bit and put herself to sleep. Even still, this really only consistently worked for naps.

Once she got close to a year old she was struggling to get to sleep and stay asleep every single night. I went away for a weekend and we used the opportunity to start to wean her from nursing. I figured we would keep the bed time feeding and wean that one slowly as that's what worked best for her brothers. It did NOT work for her. She would nurse to sleep and then wake screaming as soon as I tried to put her down, no matter how long I held her or if I tried to get her to stay awake. Nothing that included nursing her before bed was working. Then she weaned herself completely. We put her to bed drowsy, but awake and she cried but not for long. Then she slept ALL NIGHT.

It was very foreign to us to let a baby cry to sleep as that would not have come close to working for our sons (or us) just years prior. It's what she wanted and it worked for her. I still have to retreat to the shower if she has a hard time getting to sleep. We also still go in to soothe her if she's having a rough go or cries for "too long"(for us that is over 15 minutes without calming down). At 18 months she still has bouts of waking and being difficult to get to sleep again. Just recently she struggled to sleep at night due to illness and teething, but we went back to our routines once we knew she was healthy and able and she cried a bit, but for less time and she went back to sleeping all night. The more nights go by, the less she protests. Now, she often just whimpers or makes no noise at all and lays there quietly before drifting off to sleep. I consider it a miracle each and every time.

When we've been out late or have had guests over, causing the kiddos to be a bit rowdy instead of sleepy, we usually turn to our favorite essential oils to encourage them to get to sleep calmly and quickly. We've had so much success with using them in this and many other ways that I can't help but sing their praises! They've also done wonders for Ben + I. With how often we were waking to soothe little ones, Ben + I had been used to waking frequently and struggled to sleep all night once they were all staying asleep. We turned to oils and they immediately worked to help us get to sleep quickly and stay asleep all night. All these benefits without the side effects of feeling too drowsy to get up in the morning or if the kids needed us in the night.

All that to say two things 1. never say never! 2. each kiddo is so totally different, let them "tell" you what works for them. As long as it also works for you and is safe, do it! I would never have thought that we would let a kiddo cry to sleep, it's just not something that was comfortable for Ben or I, but it's what works for our little girl and she sleeps well and wakes happy, so we do too!

edit: I wrote the bulk of this a week or so ago and of course Aurelia is in another sleep regression due to her 2 year molars taking FOR-EV-ER to come in all the way. We even went to her doctor to make sure she doesn't have an ear infection. Thankfully she is healthy, just having some referred pain from her teeth coming in. Since she is uncomfortable we do our best to soothe her to sleep in her own room if she wakes unahppy, but when she's just too miserable we pull into our bed to get some sleep. Seasons come and seasons go and if I've learned anything new over the last 6+ years of parenting it's to remain flexible and don't get too used to something because it's bound to change in the blink of an eye!

Aurelia Ann: 18 months

Welcome new readers! If you're new to Breaking New Ground, as many of you are, be sure to head over to the "about" page to get to know a little bit about my family. This post is an update on my youngest child as I like to keep record of their ages and stages here to share with family and friends, connect with others in our similarities + differences, and to look back on over the years. 

________  _____________   _____________   _____________   _____________  ________ 

In my book, little ones are still "babies" until they turn 2. However, I think with Aurelia being our last baby she might stay that way for good. Growing up we were neighbors with a family that called their youngest "Baby" almost exclusively and as she grew well beyond the title, now I can see why it would stick. All my kids will always be "my babies" but knowing this is our last little one makes all the stages she passes through so bittersweet. I keep clinging to the fact that we will hopefully have plenty more neices + nephews to satisfy the baby fix in the future. I'm also really enjoying this thing called sleep. I'm sure there will be sleepless nights for plenty of other reasons in our future, but coming out of the sleepless nights stage of having a baby is rather nice.

Previously, Raeli has been all over the map in terms of sleep. I have an entire post dedicated to our journey to get our babies and kids to sleep coming soon. Aurelia struggled with sleeping at night when she should have been able to, which was the same for our sons, but getting each of them to the point they could sleep was very different. Now she sleeps well and wakes happy, so we do too!

Aurelia is going through so many new things right now, it's been difficult to keep track. She just had 3 out of 4 of her "two year molars" come through, it was not a happy experience for anyone. We are really dreading the time when the 4th one decides to make it's way out.

Lately she has been our kiddo in the "spotlight" because her brothers refuse to have their photos taken. I want to respect that, and also, they run away if I try...so there's really no fighting it most of the time. Sometimes I can ask Malakai really nicely to comply and he will, but usually with a very cheesy posed grin. Desmond usually needs bribed, with snapchat. Yes, my 4 year old asks if he can snapchat. Thanks to my twenty-something brother who introduced him to all the crazy options it has for photos and videos. The only people I'm connected to on snapchat are my mom and brother, so it's not as weird as it sounds. For those of you who have noticed that Raeli appears 3x as much as the boys do on social media, now you know why!

Her most recent accomplishment has been verbally. She has been pretty quiet for a long time, she signs when she's "all done", wants "more", and to say "please". She blows kisses and waves her good-byes and dances every time there is even a hint of music (like running over to dance to theme songs whenever her brothers are watching a tv show). She nods and shakes her head to answer questions. She has had a few words here and there but she's finally starting to use them more and try out new ones. She hollars "HI!" most mornings when she sees our favorite neighbor, Amy. She has recently started saying "yeah" and nodding her head, she grunts "uh-uh" while shaking her head no. For the longest time she's been saying "dah-dah" for dog, and subsequently any other animal. When you ask her what sound they make, she makes a sound like a cat hissing. It's pretty hysterical. She is trying to say more animals names and sounds, but when she gets excited she still points and yells "dah!"

{looking at the flamingos at Wildlife Safari}

One of the sweetest things she's been able to do, is follow directions. When she is asked to go get something or do something she usually complies correctly. We moved her changing pad to underneath the dresser and I started asking her to put it away, now she does it on her own after nearly every change. She likes to "clean up" and "put away". She also likes to go get books or toys and is so proud when she gets what you've asked for. She helps me unload the dishwasher by handing me all the plastic utensils out of the basket. It takes much longer, but it much more fun than doing it on my own. 

{mama's sweater + some sassy red shoes}

Aurelia loves shoes and has to have them on when she gets a hold of a pair. Last week Mima (my mom) gave the kids an early Easter gift of slippers and she adores wearing hers. Her newest obsession is coloring. Desmond has a table set up for our homeschooling time, which we usually do when Raeli is napping. There is a small bucket of crayons and paper set out, she will sit and color for 20-30 minutes, sometimes longer! She loves to look through books and babble her own little story as she turns the pages. 

As the youngest, and the only girl, she's predictibly grown into quite the little sass. Since she doesn't use a lot of words (so very different from her brothers at this age!) she tends to scream and protest when she's misunderstood or wronged in some way. We are definitely working on getting her to speak in effort to stop this behavior! She can totally hold her own with her brothers, and her scream does serve her well when they are not being gentle or kind towards her. 

It is so fun to watch Aurelia grown, to see how she's similar to her brothers and embrace how she's different. She'll be a baby for at least 6 more months, but she'll be my baby for always.

{ain't no party like a toddler tea party...}

Aurelia's 1st Birthday

 I still have Malakai's birthday to post about, but since it's most fresh on my mind and in my camera card, I'll share how we celebrated Aurelia's very first birthday.

{the coral dress in these photos is the same newborn sized dress}

Aurelia turned one year old on September 5th and I mourned the fact that her baby days are slipping away. I'm still wondering where the last 12 months disappeared to. We celebrated her growing and learning and the joy she brings to our little family. Sadly, she had been very sick the entire week prior with 3 visits to the pediatrician, 2 trips to the pharmacy, and numerous called to the triage nurse. It started the week before when she had been acting fussy and spiked a fever for just a day. It broke on it's own and she didn't really have any other symptoms beside being extremely irritable. On Friday I decided to take her in just to be sure before the weekend hit and we had to resort to urgent care if things got worse. We saw one of the new providers at our pediatricians office and she checked Aurelia's ears, which were my suspicion because of her behavior, and despite no other symptoms she did in fact have an ear infection. 

She was limited in what antibiotics she could take due to previous side effects, so we decided to try the same one she had with her last ear infection in early June. After 2 days and no real improvement in her mood, she woke with a mild case of hives on her belly. That night she vomited shortly after taking another dose of her medicine. The next day we went in to the doctor to chat about her reactions and changing medicine. Then Aurelia started refusing the medicine, she'd spit it no matter how we tried to give it to her. By the Friday, a full week from when we previously took her in we were back for the 3rd visit to see if her meds were doing any good since she was spitting them out. Thankfully her ear was improving, so we kept attempting to get to to swallow as much as possible and prayed for healing. We were able to celebrate Grandma Debbie's birthday that day without too much of a fuss. 

On her birthday she was in great spirits. We went out to one of our favorite places, Johnson Brothers Greenhouses out in Coburg, Oregon. They do a really sweet little kids' event the first Saturday of every month. Then we actually celebrated her little friend who happens to be 8 days younger at her birthday party and ended the day playing at home together.

Sunday after church we threw her a simple little garden party at our dear friend's home and she was just a peach the entire day. It was so nice to have her finally feeling better.

{Mima outdid herself again with a beautiful cake}

We had some light snacks and drinks for our guests and played lawn games and had a good old fashioned visit.

We watched her daintily eat her very first bites of cake and frosting, and play with tissue and wrapping paper as she opened up gifts.

{banana applesauce smash cake}

She watched the big kids play and got passed around from grandparents, to aunts + uncles, to friends and crawled around in the grass with here cousin, brothers and little friends. 

It was a perfect little afternoon celebration for our sweet and sassy little girl. 

Cloth Diapering- a year later

It has been a year since we started our cloth diapering journey and I'm still just as happy with it as when we first started. It has been such a money saver and I've learned so much along the way. I've been happily sharing my experience with other parents and totally understand the enthusiasm my friends who started before me had for sharing with me when I was new at it.

I posted a few times when we first started but haven't said much since. I've compiled my posts in a page with some info about my research and our journey to converting from disposables to cloth. Just click on the Cloth Diapering tab above to access it.

but wait...there's more!

If I believed in "jinxes" I would say that I jinxed myself/my family by posting about our recent ailments. Perhaps it could really be attributed to my claiming God's power over our circumstances and the enemy not liking it...well, I still feel God's hand over us despite more injury.

Yesterday I woke feeling better, but still sluggish. I knew I didn't have the energy (especially since I hadn't eaten all day prior) or will power to get the boys dressed and out the door for my Bible study. I was worried that when we got there I'd end up getting sick again and nobody wants that to happen in public! Anyway, we did end up driving down the block (boys in their pi's) to my neighborhood friend Amy's house. It was a really nice break actually, the boys played so nice together for quite a while. 

Anyway, at one point Des was in my lap and I was touching his hair and felt a weird hard spot. I looked at it and he had a lot of dried blood caked in his hair! He wouldn't let me clean it and was acting fine (and rather energetic) as usual so I decided to wait til we got home. Later I was able to clean it better and when I got the hair off the cut I could see how bad it was, and it wasn't pretty. 

The night before Desmond and Malakai had been wrestling and Kai was on top of Des at one point on our laminate floors. Des fell back and his his head from less than a foot off the ground. From where I was it looked like he just hit the floor. Looking back he was way too upset for what I thought had happened. He was in front of our entertainment center, so he must have caught his head on the corner. Somehow between then and the hour before putting him to bed we didn't notice it. His hair must have hid it or it healed over and then reopened in his sleep and his hair stuck to it. Either way, Ben + I felt like terrible parents for not realizing he was hurt! 

I called the doctor and they couldn't figure out just over the phone if he would need stitches. Since it bled again after I got the hair off of it, they thought he should be seen. I got in on a cancellation that afternoon and headed over, but by then it had dried up again and stopped bleeding. Thankfully he didn't need any stitches and they barely touched it (I was prepared for the worst- having to restrain him for stitches). I did however have to also explain the giant gash in his tongue and how it was from a separate incident on the same day. Kiddo had a rough one, mama too. It was embarrassing, but I'm assuring myself injuries like this are normal from rowdy boys of this age and I need to not beat myself up over it. 

He's so resilient, all we need to do is not get it wet so it will heal and let him be. He  is acting completely normal, just as rambunctious as ever. 

I've got new meds that aren't as strong, but will hopefully rid me of this sinus infection for good so I can move on and we can hopefully all be healthy for a while. Now- to break up the boys from hitting each other before someone gets hurt...again. 

illness + injury

I feel like a broken record, I even said this to my Bible study group recently when requesting prayer for my sick family, again. We are entering month 4 of illness in our home. I don't share on social media to get extra attention or to throw a pity party. Sometimes I'm actually embarrassed to admit that we are sick again (or is it still?) but I do, because every time I'm covered in prayer and encouraged by a community of friends, family + even strangers. We've endured countless doctor's office visits, pharmacy pick ups and a 3 day emergency hospital stay. Just when things start to look up, someone else comes down with something. Here we are again.

I'm thankful and so happy to be able to say that last Friday when Des had an ear check, he is over his ear infections (he had one, that turned into two really bad infections while on the first round of medicine). I'm also hesitant, but hopeful in saying that I think Malakai is over his recurring infections. (he had 4 in a row, and tried 5 different medicines that all failed). He has an ENT appointment this Thursday morning, so we will know for sure, but he's been acting more himself and not complaining of any pain for the last week or so. These things outweigh that bad day that we had today...

Last week I was told I have another sinus infection (I've had symptoms that won't quit since January, was treated once in February but never felt better- then recently got much worse). I saw another Dr. in my primary physician's office who prescribed me a stronger antibiotic for another sinus infection. Today is day 3 on meds and I had a very bad reaction. Debilitating headache and nausea all morning that resulted in "losing my breakfast" in the kitchen sink just before lunch (right after Des fell and bit his tongue REALLY badly, it looks like he has a hole in it). Thankfully Ben could come home on his lunch break, get Des down for a nap so I could rest and then he preoccupied Malakai while working from home the rest of the afternoon (he is our Superman). I've been nauseated with the same bad headache all afternoon and just as I went to crawl into bed my sciatica (that I'm waiting on a referral to have treated) took a turn for the worse and I nearly fell over. 

I'm not looking for pity (but I will gladly take prayers). I post all of this because the purpose of my blog is to share with my readers and to document our lives so we can look back on it all one day. Life isn't always pretty, and lately for us it's been rather ugly. I'm not whining or complaining, but merely documenting so when things are good I can see what God brought us out of. Because despite the back to back illnesses and injuries and a hospitalization I know it could be worse and I also know that it's going to get better. 

I'm clinging to God's promises to bless us and I'm focusing on the joy in each moment. The fact that almost any time I ask Desmond to snuggle me, he replies with an excited "okay!", when Malakai loves to color pictures/mail/surprises for anyone and everyone, laughing til I'm crying at the things Kai has said over the past year when I came across Ben's "Kai Thoughts" Instagram, smiling at Desmond's growing vocabulary and constant need to narrate our day, all the sweet innocent questions they both ask constantly, the sweet baby kicking around in my belly, loved ones who check in with is because we've been quarantined in our house for months (thanks for not being offended that I haven't contacted you in weeks...), everyone who covers us in healing prayer, the moments when we can feel those prayers doing their work and know that this too shall pass. 

So I do apologize if I sound like a broken record...It's just a season, one with more challenges than others, but soon we'll be on the other side and be blessed by the suffering that taught us how to better embrace joy. 

Freshly Picked Moccasins: a feature, review, + GIVEAWAY! {CLOSED}

I've loved all of the amazing shops and individuals I've been able to feature over the years but this is the most exciting one yet! Freshly Picked Moccasins is HUGE and getting bigger by the minute. I love their start up story (which I'll share below) and have enjoyed following their success for a while now. I'm just tickled to be able to review their moccasins for you and to give a pair away!

Mystery Ailment: Part 3

This is the last post of updates on Desmond's illness. Click through to read part 1 and part 2. 

_________________________________________

Once we found out all that was supposed to happen at the hospital, we prepared ourselves for the onslaught of tests that our little Desmond would have to endure.

We hadn't eaten dinner yet and the cafeteria closes at 7:15 so Ben ran down to grab us some food while we waited on x-ray. We took turns eating and being by Desmond's side. Thankfully x-ray was done in the room and was rather quick. 

After that Des was wheeled down for his ultrasound. By then he was really tired and ready to be done, sadly we were just getting started. The ultrasound took a long time and he had to lay on Ben to stay still. He got so upset that the tech wasn't able to find his appendix as you have to push rather hard to get the equipment in position to see it. We were informed that this was actually good as the appendix would be inflamed and easy to find if he had appendicitis. 

When we got back to his room we finished eating and turned on the tv to keep him preoccupied until the nurses came to put his IV in. Sadly, the first two attempts failed because he was slightly dehydrated, making his veins harder to get to. They gave him a break before another nurse came and tried again. It was quite the ordeal, and once it was taped on it actually leaked so they had to untape and retape which was painful. It was misery watching him go through all of this and not being able to help.

They started him on IV fluids and thankfully let us wait a while after that to see if we could get him to pee in a cup on his own so we could avoid a 2nd catheter. He had been complaining of pain all day since his catheter that morning. I cheered when we were able to get him to go in the cup, knowing that was one less painful ordeal he would have to endure. 

In between tests and exams I was able to update family and friends on our situation. We immediately had people offering to brave the icey roads to bring us anything we needed. People all over were praying for our sweet boy, we felt very loved amidst a scary situation. 

Ben + I took turns sleeping with Desmond in his bed, the other in the "day bed" that felt more like sleeping on a concrete slab. After a round of fluids they started his antibiotics and we got a few chunks of sleep here and there. There are a LOT of noises in the hospital so none of us could get much sleep. Children have a security monitor on their leg and Desmond's kept coming unstuck, setting off an alarm in the hallway. The IV can only be set for 2 hour increments so that would beep every time it needed to be reset. His bed was an air bed so it would whoosh and groan to adjust the pressure every time you moved and there was a constant rush of air from the ceiling. The nurses also took vitals every 2-4 hours and the nurse he had that first night came in at 2am with way too much pep in her step. She told me he could just sleep through what she was doing, which he was, but then she started to talk to him and woke him up. I was not a happy mama bear. 

4am they started his 2nd dose of antibiotics and I was awake for the day by 6:30. At that point, Ben was in bed with Des and they slept another 2 hours while I sat and prayed and updated friends on Facebook.

{keeping a 2 year old in bed for 15 hours is not an easy task}

That morning we got to FaceTime with Malakai while he was still at Amy's. The boys were pretty excited to see each other.

Dr. R from our pediatrician's office came in that morning to check on Desmond. She said she'd like to see him off fluids to get him to drink on his own. Having him off fluids meant he only had to be attached to the tubes every 8 hours for 30 minutes to administer the antibiotics. This was so great for how stir crazy the poor kiddo was getting. We were able to take him out in the hallway for a walk and in to the play room across the hall. 

Ben's parents were able to come visit and his dad took Ben over to pick up Malakai and to our house for a few things for us as we didn't have time to pack our own bags. Malakai came to visit and was so excited to see us, but more so to see Desmond. They greeted each other with an enthusiastic "Hi, Brother!" Kai was able to go with Des for his first walk around the unit, check out the playroom with us and eat lunch. Ben's parents took Kai back to their place for the 2nd night and he got to play in the snow before it turned into freezing rain.

My parents weren't able to come visit because my mom had a fever plus they live much further away so it wasn't a good idea for them to drive in the snow and ice. I updated them by phone and text when I could.

Des napped and we watched a lot of Disney Jr. Ben's mom left her iPad for him to play with as well. We watched the snow fall non stop outside our window, we were thankful for such a beautiful view.

We did all that we could to pass the time and keep Desmond comfortable and happy. He started to eat better and was drinking a ton by Friday evening. We were still waiting on a culture from the blood they took when they started his IV to see what kind of bacteria he was fighting. That night we all slept much better. It helped that our overnight nurse was as quiet as a mouse when going about taking vitals and hooking/unhooking tubes for his meds.

Unfortunately Malakai + Grandma didn't sleep so well. Kai was complaining of ear pain and couldn't sleep. He was pretty miserable so they brought him to the hospital and Debbie and I walked him down to urgent care on the other side of the hospital while Ben and Grandpa stayed with Des. After a bit of a wait we found out Kai had a fever of 103 when we got back to see the nurse. Of course I immediately had visions of both of my boys being admitted to the hospital with mysterious infections. I was overwhelmed on top of being overwhelmed. During the 45 minute wait in the exam room, Kai fell asleep on my lap.

After being examined by the doctor (who was really great with Kai and even made him laugh) he was diagnosed with another double ear infection. Although an ear infection doesn't cause fever, so he also though Kai might be fighting off a virus as well. We got a new prescription for antibiotics and headed back upstairs to Desmond's room. He had just finished up his last dose of antibiotics.

We ate lunch (thanks to a generous delivery called in by a friend) and waited for Dr. R to come check on Des and let us know if we could take him home. She came shortly and told us his 48 hour cultures were negative and that his most recent labs were much better. His white blood cell count came down from 39,000 to a normal 10,000. Since no bacteria grew on the cultures the diagnosis was vague. We were discharged with a diagnosis of "fever of unknown cause" which is frustrating, but I knew I could discuss it further with his doctor at our follow up appointment. All I cared about was that my baby is well and I get to take him home. We got a prescription for antibiotics and Grandpa went to pick up both the boys' meds and was back just before Des was discharged.

{goodbye snowy hospital}

We got home safely through the snow that was under a thick layer of ice from a storm the day before. Ben carried each of us in the house because there was no clear path through the ice. We settled in and relaxed as best we could.

{Can you tell Kai missed his Desmond?}

On Sunday we were looking forward to a full day at home to recover from all these events when I got a nasty headache. My mom encouraged me to take my temperate and I had a fever. I took some tylenol and waited it out, but felt miserable all day. I went to the doctor on Monday for a flu test and it came back negative. My doctor did say he thinks I have a stomach virus and I'd probably feel bad for a few days. Just what we needed, another illness.

On the bright side, we have amazing family and friends. They've all rallied around us in prayer. Some braved the storms and brought us food to the hospital, and other have started a meal train to bring us dinner while we settle back in at home and recover now that I'm sick as well. It's so humbling to receive so much and be able to give nothing back (at least at the moment), and I'm doing my best to let it be and just feel the blessings overflow as we heal. I know there will be an end to these miserable sicknesses even though it's hard to see through it.

Yesterday morning we had a follow up appointment for both boys. Malakai's exam was simple, his ears looked great! We were also informed that about half of ear infection patients do develop a fever, like Kai had. I was so thankful that he would finally be back to himself.

We originally scheduled with Dr. R because Dr. B didn't have any openings but when she saw that we were there Dr. B "stole" us- which was very sweet and I really appreciated that she wanted to follow through with Desmond's care and give us the information she'd gathered directly.

She confirmed again that nothing grew on the cultures, but she explained that it's actually quite normal to not be able to grow bacteria, even when it's present. Due to the volume of blood you'd have to use to get enough bacteria to grow in a petri dish, it's common to get no growth. So her diagnosis is that he did have bacterial sepsis based on all of his symptoms and his response to the antibiotics. She had even called an infectious disease specialist at Dornbecker Children's hospital to confirm her diagnosis.

It was nice to get information but it was also scary to think that Desmond had such a serious condition. I'm even more thankful for a pediatrician that took the right steps and got our boy well without any complications. What a blessing that Desmond is already so healthy after being in the hospital less than a week ago!

We so appreciate our beloved Dr. B and all the caregivers at Eugene Pediatrics. Malakai especially likes it there because they always let him play with their tools. His favorite is the otoscope and even Desmond got into it and played with the stethoscope.

We came home and had popsicles with our lunch to celebrate a clean bill of health!

Now, after nearly 6 weeks of illness, we are on to getting me healthy and keeping everyone else healthy as best we can in this doozy of a season. Once again, thank you for all your support and prayers!

Mystery Ailment: Part 2

Due to overwhelming amounts of detailed information in these updates, 

I've split them into separate posts. Find Part 1 here + 3 here.

____________________________________

Wednesday Des was acting like he felt better, but usually only when he had a good dose of tylenol or ibuprofen in his system. He'd start to crash again an hour or two before we could give him another dose. The on call doctor gave us permission to switch by and forth between ibu and tylenol to help with that. We decided that if he felt sick in the morning we'd call again to have him seen by his main pediatrician as he was seen by another doctor in their practice and a nurse the last couple of times. 

Come Thursday morning he started vomiting at 5am. After cleaning him up and getting him back to sleep for a couple hours Desmond woke with a fever and it was getting higher. His temp hit 105 at 8am and I immediately gave him tylenol to try to lower it. He was still complaining of belly pain, as he has been since Monday night. I called his pediatricians office as soon as they opened to make an appointment. They got us in on a cancellation with our beloved Dr. B so I rushed us out of the house to drop Kai off at Grandma + Grandpa's and headed to Eugene Peds...in the snow.

That morning it had started snowing just before sunrise. It wasn't too bad so Ben went ahead and drove to work. He goes really early so this was before Des' fever got real high. By the time I left there was quite a bit of snow on the ground and I don't really drive in snow. I took my time driving slowly and cautiously. I only had slight trouble at a couple stops when I tried to go again and slid a bit, but was able to correct it quickly with no problems. 

We got to Dr. B's office at 9:40am and due to his fever and slight cough Des got to wear a lovely little mask. He was amazing about it, he just wanted to play trains. He didn't have a lot of energy and he'd been breathing heavily, but he was talkative- narrating what he was doing while playing.

It was such a relief to see his primary care physician. I trust all the other doctors and nurses at their office, but there is a deeper trust with your main doctor that gets built over having them care for your children over time. 

She poked at his belly and listened to his lungs as she did a thorough examination to figure out what was going on. She mentioned that if this had been accompanied by diarrhea she would have thought it was the stomach flu for sure, but quite the opposite, Desmond hadn't been going poo very often at all. 

She assured me (but I already know) that she would make decisions for Desmond like she would if he were her own son and said we needed to get a urine sample and go in for blood work. My heart sank. I've overcome a fear of needles over all the blood draws and such that they do during pregnancy, but I didn't want my little guy to have to go through any of that. Sadly, to get the best result they wanted to do a catheter for the urine sample. 

The catheter failed miserably and was extremely painful. He must have just emptied his bladder, so they put a bag in his diaper to catch the urine next time he peed between then and our going over to the lab for the blood draw. I called Ben and he met me at the labs. I knew I wasn't brave enough to hold Desmond through it. I'm so thankful he was there, I got light headed and had to sit down. Des whimpered and cried a little, but was really brave. 

It was nearly noon and due to the snow I wanted to drive as little as possible. It hadn't stopped all morning so the roads were covered and it was still coming down. The lab was close by to Grandma's so I drove to pick up Kai and met Ben at home. We fed the boys lunch and Ben worked from home while Des napped and Kai + I played a bit. We expected to hear back on Desmond's labs by 4 at the latest as they put a rush on the results and would page Dr. B directly. 

Just before 5pm I decided to call in, but the pediatrician's office had closed early due to the snow storm so I got the answering service. They took a message and paged Dr. B because thankfully she was the doctor on call at the time. They tell you to call back if you don't hear in 20 minutes, which I hadn't so I did. They said they'd been paging her and would try again. I was worried that perhaps she had trouble in the snow. Turns out she was still in the office catching up on things, she called me back just before 5:30 as Ben waking dinner. 

During all of this I wasn't too worried about hearing back because Desmond woke up from his nap a couple hours earlier in a great mood and no fever. The tylenol had even worn off by then and he was acting himself. 

The first thing Dr. B said was that she knew I wouldn't be expecting this, but Desmond's results were not good. She said was really sorry but if he were her son, she'd take him directly to the hospital. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My voice started to crack and Ben looked at me from the kitchen with wide eyes trying to figure out what was going on. He was just about to toss some spaghetti into boiling water when I waved him off while listening to Dr. B explain the results. 

Desmond's white blood cell count was much too high and his other results were not great either. I explained that his fever had gone and he was acting fine, but she insisted that even so she felt in her gut that he needed to be in the hospital. I told her I trusted her opinion completely and we'd pack up to go. She asked if we'd be able to meet her at the hospital in all this snow, that had now turned to thick sheets of ice, or if she should call an ambulance. Ben was sure we could brave the weather. 

Ben dropped the noodles on the counter and turned off the stove and we started to make preparations. I called Amy, who lives a block away, and I burst into tears. All I could manage was a shaky "We have to take Desmond to the hospital" and she immediately told me "Bring Kai right over!" So I ran outside to start the van to thaw and  we packed both boys a bag quickly, I grabbed a couple snacks for us since we were missing dinner. I backed Ben's car out of the driveway blindly, it was covered in such a thick layer of ice and snow I didn't have time to thaw it out. I attacked the ice on the van until Ben came out to take over. It was so thick after just 5 hours that it broke the scraper in half. 

Ben grabbed Kai out of the car and carried him up to Amy's house. Malakai was thrilled for his very first sleepover at a friend's house (Amy's son Nate is just a little younger than Kai + she has a baby, Luke who Kai also adores). Thankfully he wasn't scared and didn't know to worry about Desmond, as worried as Ben + I were. I texted Amy directions for bed time and such on our way to the hospital. 

Desmond was still in a great mood and asked us where we were going. When we said the hospital, he said "OK!" as we had just been there for x-rays 2 days earlier and he seemed to enjoy the adventure. We slid at an intersection once as we tried to start from a stop light, but we made it safely in the terrible weather. I did NOT enjoy that drive!

We grabbed his bag and headed to the front desk in the lobby at Sacred Heart Medical Center Riverbend where both boys were born and where Malakai had his hernia surgery a couple years earlier. We were led upstairs to the pediatric floor and immediately admitted. Dr. B met us in Desmond's room and explained his results more thoroughly. His white blood cell count should normally be less than 15,000 was elevated to 39,000. He also tested as anemic and low blood sugar. His crp levels (which I don't really understand) were elevated, which apparently isn't good either. All of these things indicate a dangerous infection somewhere in his body. Her plan to rule out Bacterial Sepsis was to get a follow up chest x-ray to make sure the pneumonia hadn't become visible after the last one. Then have an ultrasound on his abdomen to see if there were any abnormalities and to check on his appendix. Third, was to recheck his urine and lastly was to administer IV antibiotics for 48 hours. That's when we realized we were in for a long stay.

snow + ice

Now that it has all melted, I'll commemorate the "arctic blast" of 2013. Let me preface for my readers that aren't so familiar with the Pacific Northwest, we don't get a lot of snow in the valley. In Eugene, Oregon we're only an hour away from the snowy mountains and that's where we go to experience large amounts of snow. Our usual winter is very wet and when we get snow it is still very wet and usually February or even March. Imagine our surprise when we were having temperatures in the teens and then woke up to a few inches of snow last Friday, dry + powdery made-for-tv type snow. Instead of melting by 10am, it just kept snowing. It snowed at our house nonstop for over 12 hours. It was glorious!

It was a blast to play in. If you follow Ben or myself on Instagram or Facebook you might have seen some slow motion videos Ben captured that day. If not, they're work a look!

We had a cozy morning watching the snow drift down like a fairytale while Ben made waffles (yes, I'm  a blessed wife) and sipped our hot coffees and snuggled the boys close. Desmond loved watching it come down, Kai was surprised but asked to go back to bed after we showed him it had snowed. Not the reaction we were expecting, but he warmed up quickly.

Just before lunch we ventured outside to play. It was about 17 degrees out, getting the boys layered took just about forever for about 15 minutes of play time. It was worth it though. 

Later that afternoon we bundled up again and decided to take a walk down to the park. It has snowed so much more that we sank into snow and didn't touch the ground, which was so surreal in our own neighborhood. 

Des in the snow around 11am, and again around 4pm…quite a bit deeper!

I laughed as I watched kids running down the street with snowboards, a total first for me. There is a big hill at the park so they were taking advantage. 

Ben + Des headed straight for the teeter totters and then all 3 of them tried out swinging in the snow. We were only there for about 5 minutes because it had taken so long to get there in the cold, it was getting dark, and a bunch of cold wind was blowing. We trekked home for hot cocoa and dinner.

The next day it was no longer snowing but the temperatures had fallen below 0 so everything stayed pretty well preserved. We went out to the park again, taking the wagon this time. 

 

It was interesting to see the difference between the night before and that morning. I took this shot of the same area of field next to the park…

My little dare-devils tried to play on the slide and climb the icy equipment until we distracted them with the deep snow and attempting to build a snowman. At one point Desmond started crawling around in the snow and laughing hysterically

The snow was too powdery to build a snowman at that point, which was just fine as the boys got cold enough to come in fairly quickly. In fact, I began to suspect that they just wanted to play outside so they could have hot cocoa when they came back in. 

We spent most of Sunday inside, but Ben + Kai played out front together during Desmond's nap. Kai had a blast throwing the snow at a tree and watching it stick. He also helped daddy shovel the snow from the side walk. 

Tuesday I made an attempt to take the boys in the snow on my own. Yep, it was still here. It was like it had snowed the day before, not 3 days ago. We just kept getting freezing weather that preserved it. It took 45 minutes for me to get them and myself suited up for the 20 degree chill. We kicked around out back and then attempted a snowman, but Des kicked it down. We tried again, but he was more of a snow-mound. It's hard to pack powdery snow. Kai gave him a big eye that looked like a patch so we decided he was a pirate. Then we went in of cocoa, naturally. 

The rest of the week we just observed the snow from inside. Enjoying it's bright glow and watching the birds eat the berries off the trees out back. Last night it "warmed" up and the rain finally came, turning the snow into quite the ugly mess outside. It's incredible how quickly snow disappears when it rains. 

We thoroughly enjoyed our winter wonderland, thanks Alaska, for sharing your weather.