trials + transitions

Just as I lamented on Friday, my brain has been a bit mushy lately. It's frustrating to let others down. I get irritated with myself for not meeting others' expectations or my own. Part of the problem is I expect too much of myself. I try to do too much on my own, forgetting to rely on God and let Him guide me gently to where He wants me to be and what He wants me to do.

I really want to be careful about taking on too much before I'm ready. I've learned this lesson with the trials we've been through lately. I keep finding myself saying "it's been one thing after another" in reference to the events leading up to and following Desmond's birth. It feels like we haven't really had a break or any down time. I don't know why I would expect either of those things with a newborn and a toddler!

All that to say that I'm going to be very careful about what I take on. I'm going to do my best to immerse myself in prayer over the timing of things before making any decisions. Namely, transitioning back into my part-time job. I miss it and I want to take it on now, but I don't want to do it badly. I know that we need to figure out our new normal now that we're all healthy and Demond is beginning to exhibit some signs of a daily routine, before I add something else to the mix.

We've had some other personal hardships at home, and a big loss in our circle of family and friends. It has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life and I'm really looking forward to moving on and letting God's peace wash over me.

Friday I was planning on posting a feature and giveaway for all of you but I had forgotten an important component and ran out of time to get the information I needed. I hate to let people down in this way, but am so thankful for the grace I received in the process. Lucky for all of you, the giveaway will be up first thing tomorrow morning!

Thankful on a Thursday: support system

After posting about our rough night with Desmond I received a good amount of feedback and support from other mamas. Thanks so much for the suggestions and commiseration.

Our pediatrician had us come back in yesterday to make sure there wasn't something more than colic to Desmond's fits. Thankfully his ear is looking better and he is showing signs of the sickness nearing it's end. She also told us that gas meds like Mylicon are not really helpful, but that there's more research to back up the effectiveness of gripe water. So we went out and bought some last night. We gave him some and he only cried for about half an hour on and off. A HUGE improvement from the 3 hours straight in the evenings prior

This week I'm thankful for...

881. a support system of friends + acquaintances; online and in person.

882. a pediatrician we can trust and that we happen to adore.

883. Desmond napping through Malakai vomiting, taking a bath and needing me to sit with him til he fell asleep for nap this afternoon. No clue what's going on there...

884. the blogger app Ben added to my iPod, which is always by my side for Des' activity tracker. Please excuse future grammatical errors and such as I'm not the best at typing on it.

885. forgiveness.

886. reconciliation.

887. upcoming giveaways around here to treat my amazing readers with (coming soon!)

888. grace.

889. frozen meals: I've cooked maybe twice since Desmond was born between the pre-made meals and those brought fresh during the first couple weeks.

890. the power of prayer. (please pray for our friends' son Christian, he is 7 months old and in the hospital needing a miracle).

I've noticed a lot of you posting daily about what you're thankful for on facebook and twitter. It's so encouraging to see what others count as blessings.

without complaining

This morning I woke up at 3:45am (it's now 5:30am). I knew by how alert my mind was that I probably wasn't going to be falling back to sleep, even though I had over 2 hours before the alarm sounded. I tried laying in different positions, nothing is comfortable for very long. I tried quieting my mind, which means I only thought of work, cleaning + organizing, other future obligations, and of course spiders lurking in the shadows of my room.


It took me about 30 minutes before I decided to pray. At first I prayed for sleep. Then I thought I should pray for God to either give me rest of talk to me in the stillness of our house. I instantly thought "Do everything without complaining." I knew I needed to hear this because I had just whispered how long I'd been awake to Ben who was most likely not awake at all. Not remembering the book or verse I resolved to look it up...after I got the sleep I deserved, which didn't come.


Then I started to think about following Jesus, what it means to me and why I shouldn't be so quick to whine and complain even if I'm fully justified in doing so. The following thought came to me, a bit jumbled at first, I thought about it over and over until it came more clearly.


-Following Jesus isn't about adhering to a set of religious rules. - Following Jesus is about learning how to love others and spread the good news of amazing grace. -


I considered getting up to write it down, but then I thought of a million reasons not to. "I should really try to sleep." and "I may wake the rest of the house." I lay there a bit longer and tried again to clear my mind and fall asleep. After another 10 minutes I finally go up and headed to the living room. I wrote down what I had heard. Then I sat at the computer and pulled up today's Bible reading through our church's website. I scrolled down to the New Testament passage, Philippians 2.


I thought God must have been speaking to me about following Jesus when I read the first paragraph:


"¹ Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

 ⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus..."

Then I knew God had been speaking to me when I read further:

"¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing..."

It's often difficult to find quiet times to listen for God's voice. I let it get drowned out by all kinds of noise, both literal and figurative. I put what I think I need (sleep) over what God knows I need. So I'm going to trust God to get me through the morning because a little lost sleep is surely worth hearing His voice in the stillness.

Thankful on a Thursday

I've been terrible about posting pictures all week. My blog looks so boring right now! I know, it's very much not like me, but due to sheer exhaustion this is going to be another post without photos. Maybe I'll make up for it tomorrow.... maybe.

This will also be a short post as I'm waiting for a certain little boy to fall asleep so I can take a nap as well. I just had to move all the toys away from arms reach around his crib as he was trying to grab for them. I also had to swap about his blanket for a different one since he was chewing the fuzz off of it. Kids can be so strange sometimes.

This week I'm thankful for...

541. new words: this week Malakai started saying yogurt and dinosaur. Although they sounded more like "dough-dut" and "dio-dose".

542. Ben finishing a 10 week long Wednesday night class for work. With worship practice that was two nights in a row without daddy.

543. friends. All you ladies out there have been so supportive as I whine + complain about all of our hardships lately. Thanks for listening and offering advice. I wish more of you lived closer so we could get together!

544. spring. While it's still over a week away until it's officially spring, we have hyacinth and crocus blooming outside already.

545. naps. I'm pretty sure I said this last week, but I am so thankful to be staying at home and working a part time job that allows me to flexibility of taking a nap while Kai does. Albeit my house is a mess, it has been nice.

546. A consultation appointment with Kai's surgeon tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting some answers and moving forward with correcting his hernia so we can be done with it all.

547. being heartburn free for two days. Thanks to my father-in-laws advice on medicine dosage, I found relief! This has also made my appetite stronger.

548. cravings. I will welcome any leaning towards eating food since everything pretty much sounds terrible most of the time. Yesterday morning it was cinnamon rolls, so I went with it and made some. yum!

549. my husband. He is so patient + understanding when I am being difficult, easily irritated, and grouchy. Thanks for dealing with me Ben!

550. siblings. Including my in-laws. I love all 4 of you, and wish we saw you all more often.

What are you thankful for this week? If you post about it on your blog, leave me a link!