the sleepless nights begin

Last night was a rough one, the most difficult we've had with Desmond yet. He didn't start really crying until last week, right after we discovered his ear infection. The past few days he's been passed out and then as soon as Ben + I get ready to climb into bed (9-10pmish) he acts hungry but when I go to nurse him he just scream and grunts, but won't eat. We've tried burping and then attempting to feed him over and over again. We've changed his diaper over and over (he has a bad rash right now, stinkin' antibiotics). We swaddle, and shush, and sway. He'll calm for a minute or two and then start all over again.

Last night it lasted for just over 3 hours and I couldn't help but sob some too. We snuggled him and prayed for relief. It was emotionally draining for both Ben and I, not being able to comfort your baby is the worst feeling in the world. He finally passed out at midnight snuggled up next to me. He slept for almost 5 hours straight, at which point I woke up really uncomfortable. I changed his diaper to wake him so he'd eat, and he ate just fine. No crying, or fussing- actually he fell back to sleep as soon as he started to nurse.

During all the crying, after about 90 minutes of Ben and I trading off trying to calm Desmond, he turned to me and asked "is this colic?". I wasn't sure until I looked up info on our pediatrician's website which said colic is 3+ hours of unexplained crying followed by normal behavior the rest of the time. Since it lasted that long before he fell asleep we're wondering if we are in for a colicy baby for a while, or if it's related to one or multiple other things: ear infection (which should feel better by now), diaper rash, thrush in his mouth, over tiredness, or fast letdown (he sometimes fusses and coughs when feeding during the day as well). It's so hard not knowing, I can't believe I forgot how terrible this felt. Kai had a couple hard nights as an infant too.

I have a newfound thankfulness for Malakai's ability to tell us what is bothering him for the most part. Also, despite our tiny house and sharing a bedroom wall, Malakai has never been disturbed by Desmond's night time crying. He may toss and turn a bit, but always stays asleep. Ben wondered aloud "how is he still asleep?!" I answered, "Jesus". God's power is honestly the only explanation for how that kid can sleep through the screaming that can be heard clearly in every corner of our 1000 square foot home.

Needless to say we are total zombies today. I feel bad that Ben works too far away to come home for a lunchtime snooze. If Kai would cooperate we'd go to bed earlier to get some rest before the crying sets in, but the timing just doesn't work out.

Once again, I'm requesting prayer. We are definitely experiencing a challenging season in our family right now. Thankfully, more often than not, we're able to focus on the blessings and find joy.