Father's Day Weekend...

We had the blessing of a Ben being home for 3 days over the past weekend, which was such a treat for Father's Day. We had a great time and enjoyed having daddy home for more days, but it was also a very strange weekend.

This past week I came down with a sudden and fairly uncomfortable infection on my mouth. I will spare details, but it was the first time I ever had anything like this happen and I will be thrilled if it's the last. My Dr concluded that it's another thing to blame on my immune system being weakened during pregnancy. For a whole day I felt like Angelina Jolie, and not in a good way. It's still uncomfortable, but finally healing up a week later. So we started off the weekend with that weirdness. 

Also for the past week, Desmond has been on singulair for asthma related to seasonal allergies. If you  aren't familiar, Eugene had the highest pollen count in the nation over the last couple week. Grass pollen peaked over 700 last I saw. We were all suffering but Des and I took a big hit. I had a doozy of a sinus headache and he was wheezing. The meds seemed to help a few days in but his mood changed. I didn't make the correlation until Friday night when I remember a conversation about allergy medications and hyper activity I had with some other moms recently. I googled, and then I grabbed the insert from his medicine and sure enough mood changes can be a side effect and a reason to stop the medicine. The biggest issue for us was aggression and sleeplessness. We'll see if things change after some time off of it. 

On Friday, earlier in the afternoon Ben had the boys outside in the culdesac. He had finished power washing the house (it looks brand new!) and I had just returned from a hair cut, it was such a nice day. Malakai was running and went to jump up onto the sidewalk but missed and kicked the curb, knocking his shin into the edge of it. He didn't cry but he wasn't happy about it. He yelled and complained and wanted to go inside. He wouldn't put weight on it for over an hour and a half. I spoke with triage at his pediatrician who recommended we have him seen. Unfortunately it was the end of the day Friday and they had no appointments open so we'd have to go to urgent care. Daddy took him and I was left with Desmond bouncing off the walls.

After 2 hours of waiting in the most boring place on the planet and finally an x-ray it turns out Malakai had just badly bruised his shin. He continued to limp that night and into the next day, so I'm glad we took him in so we weren't continually wondering if we should have him examined. 

Saturday started out slowly as we didn't have any to-do's or obligations until a graduation party at noon. After which we came home for some downtime and then headed out to visit Ben's parents at the boys' request. They had a sweet father's day gift for Ben (we have yet to give Grandpa his because it was misplaced...) and we stayed for dinner.

On our way home we took a longer route because Des was dozing off and with all his sleeplessness we wanted to take the easy way out. As rounded a corner we've taken a million time our van thumped and there was a terrible sound just outside the back passenger side. Ben thought some jam that his parents had given us might have tipped over and hit something but it was on my side so I heard and felt it more and knew something worse had happened. He pulled over and got out to find we had a flat tire. He ran back and found what had caused the problem...

We had driven over top of it (not seeing it) and it hit the underside of the passenger side sliding door and then slashed the tire. We were so close that we were able to hobble home. Thankfully Des slept through the whole thing so I got Kai to bed while Ben worked on putting the spare on. Meanwhile his parents came over to drop off their bigger vehicle for us to borrow until we figured out what to do with the van come Monday when our insurance offices would be open. The one night the boys were to bed early and Ben spent most of it changing the silly tire. 

Sunday morning came and the boys were being CRAZY! Just unruly and disobedient. We all have those days, but I was so discouraged that it was happening on Father's Day after the way our weekend had already gone. Thankfully Ben was able to stay positive and linger on the good moments we had instead of the rotten. They were sweet when it came time to give Ben his gifts that we all made.

{Kai + Des are both looking AND smiling at the camera...miracle!}

That morning both boys would "move up" in their Kid's church classes. Desmond was promoted from nursery to his first pre-school class and Malakai went from pres-school to Kindergarten! It was so odd to almost start over from what had been our normal routine over the past year, dropping them off at the same classes with the same people every week. Thankfully they were both super excited to go to their new classes and they did great! 

After church and lunch I made sure Ben got a nap so he could have some sort of Father's Day treat (we never have enough time to get ready for church AND make a special breakfast on Sundays). That evening we went out to my parents' house for a nice dinner. My mom made some wonderful food! Unfortunately Desmond came unglued and was really hard to get settled down. We were both exhausted and I had another odd rash, this time on my hands (just when the one on my mouth was clearing up).

Monday I called and got an appointment to get my hand checked out. I bandaged it all up in fear that it was the same thing that I'd had on my lips, which was contagious for the first 24 hours. I got the boys ready to head out the door to take Kai to his first week of Vacation Bible School. My doctor called and asked if I could come in "right now" and I told him I had to drop off my son somewhere and I could get there ASAP after that. Drop off took a bit, this was out first experience with dropping off at an unfamiliar place. I struggled with it just as much as Malakai did. It wasn't that he didn't want to stay, I wouldn't have forced him to, but that he was being painfully shy and his nervousness was coming out in defiance. He didn't want to be outside (where all the kids were gathered by age), he didn't want to wear his name tag, etc.

 After a few attempts I finally got a peaceful goodbye but was a little late to the doctor. This meant that I actually had to wait an extra hour until my original appointment time. If someone would have told me that would be the case, I would have gone home since we live literally 2 minutes down the street. Keeping Desmond preoccupied anywhere these days is excruciating but a waiting room and then exam room was near unbearable. I finally broke out  my phone for Des to play a game when my doctor came in so I could focus. Thankfully the news was good and my rash was not bacterial, but an allergic reaction of some sort. It's not contagious and should go away with time and be relieved with topical benadryl and cold compress.

Monday night was another rough one for Desmond, it took an hour for him to settle down. He has been off the singulair for 3 nights so I'm hoping it's out of his system and tonight will be quieter, especially for Ben's sake.

Here we are ending our Tuesday. This morning the goodbye at VBS was still hard (for me), it was much smoother. I told Ben it's hard to leave part of your heart in an unfamiliar place. It also boils down to my being more sensitive than usual during pregnancy and that I'm highly empathetic, so I kept worrying about how he might be feeling.

I had the first session of a summer Bible study at church so Des got to play in the nursery and I got some downtime. We grabbed a few groceries and picked up Malakai. Nap went smoothly, I even got to snooze for a little while and while I've not being feeling too great (indigestion every time I eat!) the evening has been fairly productive. So I think our "bad luck" is wearing down and hopefully we can get our house put back together in time for family to visit this weekend!

Thankful on a Thursday: suffering

As I start this post I have a particularly nasty tension headache. I have a long history of headaches ranging from caffeine withdrawal and sinus headaches to migraines. The tension headaches I've been experiencing recently are different and I believe they are stress induced. When I get frustrated or frazzled all of sudden I get this lightening bolt to the top or side of my head. It's down right debilitating. Yesterday it was so bad I couldn't talk straight.

In the midst of suffering I feel like I have two choices. Either to focus on the joy that surrounds me and be thankful for my blessings or to zero in on the pain and feel sorry for myself. I have good reason to feel sorry for myself lately. I feel like I'm suddenly accident prone having bruised my legs up cleaning the new place, straining my back (also a long history there), and burning my hand while making dinner. When I'm in the midst of these things it's instinctual to feel the pain, to be irritable with my husband and impatient with my son, and then angry with myself for acting so terribly.

So this week I'm especially in need of a reminder of what I'm thankful for, I want to choose joy.

51. For the caramel macchiato Ben bought me last night to soften my rough day.

52. Malakai's "bunny toof" smile. His 4 teeth make him look so different!

53. black shelf liners from The Dollar Tree

54. ice cold water.

55. clean floors.

56. a long hot shower before bed.

57. starburst jelly beans.

58. coloring with my sister.

69. spooning.

70. being done with taxes.

What are you thankful for today?

woes

In some ways this week has been fantastic and in others it's been..."craptastic" (obscure Late Night w/ Conan reference that maybe only my husband will appreciate).

The home buying process has been going surprisingly well. The sellers haven't responded to our repairs addendum formally, but have already fixed most of what we requested. Major surprise! Our funding is going well, the appraisal process should be done by the end of the week and then off to underwriting. Oddly enough, all these things started coming together more smoothly when I felt myself let go and let God watch over the process for us.

Malakai is developing by leaps and bounds! He's creeping across the floor and keeping me on my toes. He's also babbling a lot of new sounds and really developing a fun personality. I love making him laugh.

the laundry can wait

There are so many groaning and whining noises I'm making that perfectly express my frustration right now, but I'm not sure how to spell any of them and I don't think it would get the point across.

Maybe this?

Woke up with a headache this morning after pulling Kai into our bed at midnight. He is having trouble sleeping by himself again. I really don't mind bedsharing but he's a big boy and our bed is really too small for the three of us to sleep comfortably and safely at the same time. So of course I sacrifice comfort and twist myself around him. He slept great minus the ten thousand times he woke up to nurse.

I put Malakai in the swing to play so I could make coffee and eat breakfast...the batteries were dead. No biggie, unlike Henry he doesn't mind sitting and playing in it without the swinging part.

I went to the kitchen and I was innocently washing the coffee carafe when what I thought were spilled coffee grounds started moving.

ants!

We live in an old house (60+ years) and we've had ants a couple of times, but never this many at once. Granted this time it was probably our fault (the sink is piled high with dishes), it's still super frustrating. I also don't do well with bugs...so I squealed and grimaced as I tried to smash them all and get out the ant traps.

I texted Ben, who was in a meeting, and he offered to come home on his lunch break. He's my HERO! He even brought me a coffee and then proceeded to kill and clean up. I haven't seen an ant since he left about an hour ago.

Then Kai wouldn't go down for a nap. He's had difficulties staying asleep, but I've never had issues getting him to fall asleep until today. He was whining and fussing and trying to wriggle his way out of my arms. So I let him wiggle a bit in his crib and then tried again...same thing. I finally gave in and swaddled his arms- and he passed out in less than two minutes! Sweet little bean.

Now the house is quiet and I have chores to do, but I'm too exhausted so I'm going to finish my coffee and read some of my favorite blogs.

The laundry can wait.

"surgery"

I can't decide whether or not I'd like to hear the worst-case-scenario from a doctor, or if I'd prefer to take things one step at a time to avoid unnecessary worry.

Let me back up.

For those of you who haven't been reading long, when Malakai was born he had one undescended testicle. It was worrisome because if it didn't descend on it's own, he would need surgery. Our pediatrician consulted with a surgeon and they had decided that he would be seen at 6 months to check in and if it was still undescended he'd most likely need surgery at 1 year. We were relieved that they would not be doing surgery on our infant, but so scared about the possibility of our son needing surgery at all.

God answered our prayers and the prayers of family, friends, and blog readers - the problem worked itself out on it's own. No surgery, not even a follow up with the specialist.

Now...

Yesterday we took Kai in for his 4 month well-baby check. The nurse did the usual length, weight, and head measurements and handed me the paper with the percentiles. As we waited for the doctor I read them to Ben. Length- 24.75 inches, 43%; Weight-17.5lbs, 88%; Head-18inches, 99%. We giggled at his length to weight ratio and one of us made a comment about his big head, not thinking anything of it.

When Dr. A came in she greeted us like normal and we chatted about a few things. She showed us the chart for his growth from his last appointments and the head circumference had shot up rather quickly. She decided to remeasure, and she still got 18inches.

I speculated aloud that perhaps the last month's measurement was off and it should have been bigger. Ben and I hadn't noticed a rapid change in his head size, and it doesn't look all that huge when you compare it to his weight.

Dr. A told us not to worry, but that based on this rapid growth and his fontanelle sticking out a bit that he may have some fluid that isn't draining properly. She told us what to watch for and said something that I keep repeating to myself every time I feel worry creeping up "It's not worth losing any sleep over."

However, we are scheduled for a follow up appointment in exactly 4 weeks to check for further growth. Apparently, when adults have this problem we'd get headaches from the pressure. But, since babies' bones aren't fused they don't get pressure, their head just keeps getting bigger. So in 4 weeks if it's significantly bigger we'll need an ultrasound to determine whether or not there is a blockage.

If the ultrasound confirms a blockage and that he has too much fluid in his head, he'll need surgery. He'd need a shunt to get the fluid moving again.

There are a lot of "ifs" about whether he'll need surgery and I feel this same sadness and worry wash over me. I keep pushing it back, praying, and reassuring myself that he'll be okay no matter what God has planned. But it still creeps in.

So...I have been given this "worst-case-scenario" and sometimes I don't want it. I think the worry would be less if I knew less and could take things one step at a time. But, I also want to know all I can about what my son needs and what to look for. Luckily, Dr. A didn't leave the knowing up to us. She believes in being open about all possibilities, but then tells us not to worry. I wish I could do that.

At this point Ben and I have decided to not share this information with any family or friends. We don't want to burden them with this same worry until we know there's something to worry about.

 I'm so glad this blog is just for my internet followers so I could talk all this out freely. And right now I'm asking for encouragement and especially prayers from those of you who do so.

and I lived to blog about it

I've had a doozy of a day and it's not even noon yet. Let me share my misfortune with you, yes? Misery loves company, so feel free to share your crap days with me if you find the time :p

A little background- Ben and I only have one car. I may have mentioned that before. Mommy mush-brain makes it impossible for me to remember things like that anymore. Anyway, so if I need to do anything that involves leaving the house during the day I have to take him to work at 7am. This morning we did that for the first time so I could have a SAHM date with a girl friend of mine this afternoon.

I got halfway back home and realized that I didn't have the housekey on my key chain and Ben had made a point of the fact that he wasn't bringing his keys since I was driving. It just so happened I had taken off the house key to put in my pocket when Kai and I went for a walk about a week ago and said key got buried underneath the mail sitting on the dining room table.

I checked the keyring at two stoplights before calling Ben. I knew he couldn't do anything since he didn't have a key, but I needed him to tell me what I should do. He said to call my dad.

My dad is also our landlord. He also works graveyard and lives 40 minutes away. I called his cell phone in hopes that he was in town still after getting off of work. No such luck, he was cozy in his pj's about to go to bed. ugh. I thought about the options- I could drive out there and have Henry's mom bring him to work and then pick him up when I got back to town, or I could watch Henry at their house and then go get the key after. My dad insisted on just coming back into town and saving us the trip. Saved by G'Pa.

So for the next 45 minutes I sat in the car with Malakai- who was THANKFULLY fast asleep and waited. I prayed that my dad would get there before Henry's dad dropped him off. How embarrassing to have to explain that Henry could wait with us in the car too? No thanks. I was never more happy to see my dad speeding up our road. He of course complained, and I made a peace offering of xbox live (they live in rural area sans high speed internet and G'Pa LOVES video games) but he wanted to get back to sleep.

Five minutes later Henry got dropped off and fell asleep immediately. I thought that my day could only get better. I went to feed Malakai in bed after changing him and when I picked him up discovered his very first up the back diaper BLOWOUT. Ew.

About a year ago when I was first pregnant I explained blow-outs to my childish husband who wouldn't stop snickering. I got him to agree to change each and every blow out upon Kai's arrival since he thought they were so humorous. He even shook on it. Unfortunately, daddy was 7 miles away. just.my.luck.

The poo soaked through his pj's onto the WHITE bedsheets, and when I had picked him up it was on my sleeve...which is actually my sister's sleeve. SHHH don't tell! I also had to change him on the floor in the living room because Henry was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him with Kai's coos in the nursery.

When I headed to the laundry room to start the wash I then discovered annoyance # 3 of the day...our utility sink where we bathe Malakai had been dripping. It usually does, but when we were bathing the boy I had cranked the faucet to the side and it was dripping onto the floor and my craft shelf. The paint on the shelf is artfully cracked (maybe I'll leave it in the rain to make the rest of it look antique-y) and the floor was soaked. freakin' great.

I sopped up as much as I could on my still empty stomach between attending to my fussing little guy.

Then Henry woke up and Malakai was hungry again at the same time. So I sat criss-cross-applesauce on the nursery floor and nursed Kai while rocking Henry in his carseat.

Then...the worst thing of all happened. The baby swing died. And there are no batteries in our house. I found myself swinging it with my foot to lull Henry to sleep and feeding Kai again. It didn't work, so I had to walk my son to sleep and place him in the carseat while I walked Henry to sleep.

Finally- peace and quiet. This day will get better right?